Life with less Lindsay

Double L has some bad habits (courtesy of Wildsound Filmmaking)

Since she appears in the headlines so often, I can only assume there are people out there who truly care to know what Lindsay Lohan is doing or saying at all times.

Thankfully, I am not one of them.

If anything, I would like to know a lot less about this troubled (and troublesome) actress. Even President Obama doesn’t get this much press coverage!

Earlier this week, the malnourished diva told her father Michael that her cocaine-fueled mother Dina attacked her in a limousine. A day later, Lohan admitted this was a lie designed to hurt her father. Of course, he leaked the audio from the phone calls to the media, upsetting Lindsay in the process. She now claims to be “done” with her father.

If that isn’t newsworthy, I don’t know what is.

Then today, I’m surfing the web and run across another Lohan story. After supporting Obama in 2008, it now seems that Lindsay will be voting for the GOP in November. ”I think unemployment is very important for now,” said one of the greatest political thinkers of our time, the illustrious Lindsay Lohan. “So as of now I think [my vote] is Mitt Romney.”

I could hardly believe it! Lindsay is voting for Romney? She’s leaving Obama in the dust? What will her estranged father think? Will her mother stop snorting lines long enough to really ponder the consequences of her daughter shifting to the right?

Obviously, my point is this: Who the hell cares? I mean, I have nothing against Lindsay Lohan personally. She’s welcome to do whatever she wants and I hope she enjoys her life. I just don’t care to hear about her at every turn. If Lindsay breaks wind, there seem to be twelve paparazzi around to sniff it and another ten news people to report on it. It gets splashed all over the television and internet and before you know it, people start getting concerned about poor Lindsay’s flatulence control issues.

Give me a small break. Please.

The public has been subjected to enough of this young woman’s antics. Years and years of crazy stories, run-ins with the law, rehabilitation attempts, accidents, weight fluctuations and more, as this simple timeline shows:

2007: LL goes to rehab for drugs, gets busted for drunk driving, checks into rehab again, gets busted for drunk driving again (as well as possession of cocaine), enters rehab again and even serves some jail time.

2008: This is a quiet year for LL, but we do learn of her blossoming relationship with DJ Samantha Ronson, who did a great job of keeping LL out of trouble. Too bad it didn’t last.

2009: LL starts the downward spiral anew, beginning with an arrest warrant for a probation violation (dropped a few days later). LL then has her drunk driving probation extended so she can finish her alcohol counseling program (she’s been skipping her meetings).

2010: Cannes calls and LL heads overseas. Sadly, she misses her court date and another arrest warrant is issued. $100,000 bail gets her out of that one. Of course, she’s back in trouble soon and spends 90 days in jail. Back to rehab. More probation. Failed drug tests.

See what I mean? And believe me, the list could go on and on.

No other celebrity (and it’s kind of a stretch to call LL that) gets as much attention as she does. And I fear that each new story drives the weak and impressionable Lohan to act even more strangely. She obviously feeds off all the attention, which in turn starts the cycle all over again.

So I beg you, media people everywhere, to do us all a huge favor:

Don’t mess with the Lohan.

UPDATE: According to the Los Angeles County Voter Registration office, LL isn’t even registered to vote in the next election. When she left her previous house, she must have changed districts. Voter materials were sent to Lohan’s new home, but were later returned. I guess that’s one less vote for Romney in November!