Olympic Shout-Outs: Don’t drink and cycle

Belgian cyclist kicked out of Olympics after drunken night | Fourth-Place Medal – Yahoo! Sports.

Although the 2012 Summer Olympics are winding down, the examples of bad judgment and terrible decisions continue to grow.

Belgian cyclist Gijs van Hoecke has been sent packing after going on a bender at a London nightclub. He might have gotten away with it if someone hadn’t taken this photo of him.

At least it looks like he had some fun. Is it better than a chance at an Olympic medal? I’m not so sure.

THC and Judo don’t mix

American judoka Nick Delpopolo thrown out of Olympics for testing positive for THC | Fourth-Place Medal – Yahoo! Sports.

As much as I try to resist, these crazy stories from the 2012 Summer Olympics just keep on coming. The latest involves American judoka Nick Delpopolo, who has been expelled from the games because he tested positive for tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), the chemical found in marijuana and hash.

According to Delpopolo, he inadvertently ingested some food that had been baked with marijuana. Right, and Bill Clinton never inhaled. Give me a break.

As funny as this situation and the eventual “excuse” are, it’s also kind of disturbing to think (a) that some people can be this dumb and (b) that they think some kind of half-baked (pun intended) excuse can be used to discount the fact they blazed some doobies or ate some pot brownies before attending the Olympics.

I hate that this happened to you, Mr. Delpopolo. Roll a fatty of some Hindu Kush and I’m sure you’ll forget about it soon enough.

Cheaters sometimes win?

Gold medal swimmer admits to cheating in 100 breaststroke | Fourth-Place Medal – Yahoo! Sports.

It looks like someone else has been busted for cheating in the 2012 Summer Olympics, only this time no one is being banned from competition. I know some badminton players who likely won’t care to hear this news.

South African swimmer Cameron van der Burgh, who just won gold in the Men’s 100m Breaststroke, admitted to taking extra “dolphin kicks” during his world-record setting performance. Only one such kick is allowed as swimmers pull out of their turns.

Van der Burgh admitted to this transgression, but basically justified it by saying that everyone is doing it and he isn’t about to fall behind other swimmers who employ such an underhanded method.

Sadly, there is no replay review in swimming and the time for an appeal has passed, so van der Burgh will not be stripped of his medal. If anything, some rules may be adjusted before the next world championship.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t this kind of behavior fly in the face of everything the Olympics stand for?

The Dark Side of Summer

Summer is a season of joy, energy and pleasure. It’s the time when people take vacations from their workaday lives, setting out for the beaches or some exotic locale to experience true relaxation and well-deserved enjoyment. There is fellowship with friends over great barbecues of burgers, hot dogs and ribs. And long, cool evenings filled with chirping crickets and buzzing cicadas.

But below the surface lies a dark underbelly that most recognize, yet few dare to mention… until now. Join me, dear readers, as we seek to uncover the dark side of summer.

A hot sweat

The obvious reason for many of summer’s woes is the sweltering, sometimes unbearable heat that descends on many parts of the world. Some might say it gets “hotter than a camel’s nuts,” but I would have no reason to mention that here…. whoops. Sorry about that.

It has also been established that crime increases during the hot, summer months, most likely when someone’s air conditioning breaks and they go ballistic. Of course, there are lots of folks who work outside and simply have to live with it. And I am certain some of them eventually snap since exposure to such high temperatures—especially when people aren’t hydrated properly—can do crazy things to human behavior.

A consequence of summer’s heat that is often overlooked and underestimated is sweat. When you stay outside for any period of time in 100-degree weather, you’re going to sweat your ass off, as well as your feet, your back and every other eligible body part. I even think my hair was sweating one time. And when your hands sweat, you suddenly develop what has been called “butterfinger-itis”: the inability to hold anything in your hand for more than a few seconds without dropping it. Drop something you really care about—like your tune-loaded iPod—and your summer could take a very dark turn.

Bikini (Photo credit: memoflores)

Lust is a four-letter word

As the temperatures rise each summer, the layers of clothing people wear—especially women—diminish. And nothing says summer better than its ultimate apparel: the bikini. In terms of the Seven Deadly Sins, lust is a big deal. But whoever came up with the “big seven” likely never faced a beach full of bikini-clad women. This is arguably a male issue, but seeing so many beautiful and unashamed ladies running down the beach with next-to-nothing on does something to you. Further research might even discover its value as a mind-control technique, perhaps one that could be militarized and unleashed on enemy soldiers. The “bikini battalion” has a nice ring to it.

How would you like that cooked?

Of all the species on Earth and all the living things that inhabit our beautiful planet, human beings are the only ones who consciously choose to cook themselves. Every summer, Homo sapiens of all shapes and sizes head outside to soak up some ultraviolet rays from our glorious sun. They slather themselves up in all sorts of lotions and sprays designed to protect their skin, but most likely useless or only mildly effective at best. For hours they bask in the light, occasionally turning to evenly distribute their tans. As their skin tightens and browns like a cooking turkey, they lie for hours, thumbing through their Nooks and e-readers or sipping pina coladas. At sunset, it is back home to rub on the aloe and tenderize the hide for the next day’s cooking session. I say stick a fork in them; they are definitely done.

Déjà vu

Perhaps the most horrible and disturbing thing about the summer is this: the rerun. You simply cannot find anything original on television during the summer months—at least not under normal circumstances. This summer, we have the 2012 Summer Olympics to keep us busy, but television programming is normally a barren wasteland of reruns, reality shows and seasonal news nonsense. “Want to know how to make your own suntan lotion from common household products? Join us at eight.” Give me a break. About the best thing on is ABC’s obstacle-course challenge “Wipeout.” Everything else basically blows.

The Sandman cometh

Although I appreciate the beach as much as the next guy, I will never understand how sand can infiltrate nooks and crannies all over my body that I wasn’t even aware I had. Days after returning home, it comes pouring out of clothes that have been washed and I even see a trail of it on the floor of my shower. If the CIA could develop recording equipment that appeared as sand, they could monitor almost anyone for a pretty substantial period of time. I should probably patent that idea…

Creepy Crawlies

Being outside is nice, isn’t it? Of course it is, at least until all the bugs come out. Suddenly there are ants invading your kitchen, palmetto bugs the size of small children and blood-sucking mosquitoes everywhere. The fall and winter will provide a brief respite. But for now, it’s the summer of the insects and we are what’s for dinner.

The Getaway

Be warned: the summer season is the travel season. Even when gas prices are sky-high, people still venture out and descend upon tourist attractions and vacation destinations from coast to coast. They cut you off on the highway, steal your reservations at restaurants, and help guarantee at least some of your time won’t be relaxing. And people like you and me, who want our journeys to be safe and painless, are often at their mercy. Just never forget that road rage can kill. Happy motoring!

The darkest side of all

I saved this for last since it is clearly the darkest side of the summer: the movie theater. Film companies flood the market with blockbusters of all shapes and sizes, and the trailers entice us as we sit home on our sofas and easy chairs. Unfortunately, you actually have to go to the theater to see these movies, and that’s where everything drifts into true, immeasurable horror.

For whatever reason, some people seem to go to the theater just to watch the pretty pictures and eat some noisy-as-hell snacks. They keep their cell phones on, invade the darkness with light from their text messages and talk amongst themselves with no regard for those seated around them. And if you’re really lucky, there will be some young children who shouldn’t be in an R-rated movie, yet remain to drive you crazy with their antics and disturbing lack of parental guidance. Nothing is worth this trauma, so now I just wait for the DVD.

The summer of 2012 is winding down and the fall is upon is. For this final month or two, please be aware of the warning signs so you never succumb to… the dark side of summer!

Olympic Shout-Outs: Bringing home the hardware

Yesterday was extremely eventful for US Olympic athletes, many of whom will be bringing home medals in a variety of different events. A few even managed to make history in the process. Here are the achievements that impressed the hell out of me.

 

 

Gabby Douglas won the gold in the all-around gymnastics final and is the first African-American to take this title. I admit that even I got teary-eyed during her performance. Way to make history, Gabby!

 

 

 

Swimmer Michael Phelps added to his record-setting medal count by dominating the Men’s 200m Individual Medley and grabbing his 20th medal, another gold. And he’ll have a chance for another when he competes in the finals of the 100m Butterfly today!

 

 

 

Kayla Harrison brought the USA its first gold medal in Judo and, if you know what she went through to make it to the podium stand, Kayla’s achievement is even more amazing. At 13 years old, Kayla was sexually abused by her judo coach at the time, Daniel Doyle. But rather than giving up on her dreams, Kayla partnered with coach  Jimmy Pedro, a former two-time Olympic judo bronze medalist for the U.S. It’s an incredible story and Kayla truly is something special. She will serve as a great role model not only for other athletes and females, but also for anyone trying to cope with and recover from sexual abuse. Thanks for inspiring us, Kayla!

 

 

The US national basketball team made Olympic history by delivering the most devastating defeat ever to Nigeria, who lost to the red-white-and-blue 156-73. I’m not sure this one surprised me much, but it is an incredible achievement. Nice going, fellas!

I wonder what today will bring!

Olympic Shout-Outs: The Dominance of Michael Phelps

Michael Phelps emerges alone atop podium as history’s most decorated Olympian – Yahoo! Sports.

After the first few days of the 2012 Summer Olympics, I (and many others) feared that American swimming star Michael Phelps’ medal-winning days might be numbered.

At one point, I even made a crack about him putting down the bong and focusing on preparing for his remaining events. Okay, so maybe I crossed a line with that one.

Fortunately, Mike proved us all wrong and is now the most successful Olympian in history. His current record: 19 medals. Fifteen gold, two silver and two bronze.

And he still has several events to go!

Let me be the first to apologize to Mr. Phelps for ever doubting him. I won’t be making that mistake again!

Go USA!

Ryan Lochte falls short for second straight night and misses podium – Yahoo! Sports

Ryan Lochte falls short for second straight night and misses podium – Yahoo! Sports.

After taking the gold in the Men’s 400m Individual Medley earlier this week, American swimming sensation Ryan Lochte now seems to be fading a bit.

Yesterday, he fell short in the final leg of the Men’s 400m Freestyle Relay, but helped the USA grab the silver. And though gold is always better, silver is certainly nothing to sneeze at. Hell, any Olympic medal is an amazing achievement.

Today, however, Lochte’s journey took an unexpected turn. He competed in the final of the Men’s 200m Freestyle and instead of dominating, fell short again. Only this time it prevented him from making the podium.

Although I’m pulling for Lochte and know he will bounce back, I can’t help but wonder if his rumored attraction to fellow swimmer Blair Evans is actually a solid “hook up.” And if it is, could it be affecting his performance?

I suppose we’ll just have to wait and see, huh?

Olympic Shout-Outs: Missy Franklin edition

Missy Franklin won gold in 100 back just 14 minutes after qualifying for 200 free final | Fourth-Place Medal – Yahoo! Sports.

American teen swimming sensation Missy Franklin just took the gold in the Women’s 100m backstroke, her first individual final in London.

And all this happened within 14 minutes of qualifying for the 200m freestyle event!

I don’t know about you, but I find this achievement to be completely and indisputably amazing. And Missy is only 17 years old!

Great job, Missy!

Olympic Shout-Outs: Show us your bling

The 2012 Olympic summer games are only a few days old and already we’ve got some celebrating to do here is the USA!

 

Yesterday, swimmer Ryan Lochte dropped the hammer on Michael Phelps by taking the gold in the Men’s 400m Individual Medley. Poor Mike didn’t even make the medal stand. Could it be time to put down the bong and start to actually compete again? I’m kidding!

 

 

Then earlier today, swimmer Dana Vollmer not only took the gold in the Women’s 100m Butterfly, but also broke the world record in the process. And this after missing the 2008 Olympics in Beijing. Way to go, Dana!

Let’s keep it going USA! I see more gold in our future!