Irony for Romney

47% is Romney’s albatross (courtesy of CHARLES DHARAPAK / AP)

We all know that one of the reasons GOP candidate Mitt Romney lost the recent presidential election was his 47% comment to fat cat fundraisers, as reported by the magazine Mother Jones.

The video of his speech to wealthy donors included a comment where Romney basically accused 47% of Americans of being “victims” who expect the government to help because they “refuse to take personal responsibility and care for their lives.”

As if losing the election weren’t punishment enough, it now seems that Romney will receive one final slap in the face. According to the non-partisan Cook Political Report, it appears that Mitt will end up with roughly 47% of the popular vote, compared to 51% collected by President Obama.

You don’t have to be a numerologist to realize that 47% will likely haunt poor Romney for the rest of his life. If only he had remembered that in the age of technology and global connecti0ns, everything you say is liable to hit the Internet faster than a bullet train…

Giving Thanks

A time to be together (Photo credit: martha_chapa95)

I hope you are all enjoying this wonderful Thanksgiving as much as I am. Granted, I won’t enjoy the trademark delicious meal until a little later, but the morning and early afternoon of relaxing, drinking coffee and watching football has been great. And since I’m also up in my fantasy football week—which sounded nerdy even as I was typing it—everything is good.

This Thanksgiving, I have quite a lot to be thankful for. And since I need to post something before I slip into a food coma later—a self-induced food coma, at that—I figured what the heck? Why not list some of these things and ask readers to do the same?

So here we are. And before I begin, I have one request. If you read this article and have the time, please consider posting your own list in the comments section—we’ll say 10 things you have to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. Thanks in advance to those of you who decide to join in!

This year, I am thankful…

1. For my family, friends, health, employment and every other obligatory thing people normally say in this situation. Except I genuinely mean it, of course
2. That Obama won the presidential election and Mitt Romney isn’t running the country. Then again, Mitt is still in the news and can’t even go to the movies with his wife without being hounded by the media, so it’s all relative.
3. For the people who not only take the time to read my blog, but also share their views and cultivate new friendships. You folks truly are the best, and I’m not just saying that. I assure you it’s from the heart.
4. To be old enough to have some wisdom—a little, at least—yet young enough to have my memories—which we all know won’t last forever.
5. That Thanksgiving includes three great NFL football games and that for the moment, I am doing great in my weekly fantasy football game. I know, I know. That sounded nerdy as I was writing it.
6. For my favorite television shows—including “Revolution,” “The Walking Dead” and “The Big Bang Theory”—and the fact that T.V. is the only entertainment I can really afford. Dang economy.
7. To have my hair, and it is still growing like a weed. Some of my buddies were unfortunate enough to go bald in high school. More and more of them go bald everyday, as witnessed on Facebook and other social networking sites. I’m sure you all know exactly what I mean.
8. For Black Friday specials that are also available online because honestly, I’m afraid to venture out on the busiest shopping day of the year. No offense, but those people are crazy!
9. That Lindsay Lohan, Kim Kardashian or any other B-list, pseudo-celebrity hasn’t been given their own Thanksgiving special. We deserve at least one day’s break, don’t you think?
10. For the end of this “what I’m thankful for” list. Now it’s your turn!

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

The Sore Loser

One big reason Mitt lost (property of Marty Two Bulls)

It looks like Mitt Romney has recovered from his presidential whooping and could now use a refresher course in good sportsmanship.

On Wednesday, the once relevant Republican claimed that Obama beat him because of the “gifts” he gave to young people, African-Americans and Hispanics  prior to the election. And go figure, but he first made these comments on a call with some of his top donors.

Sounds just like the guy who called 47% of Americans freeloaders in a speech to wealthy donors, doesn’t it?

Romney referred to a number of Obama policies that gave his base “extraordinary financial gifts from the government.”

For young people, Obama forgave college loan interest and allowed anyone younger than 26 to remain on their parents’ insurance. This of course made contraception more available to young women.

For African-Americans and Hispanics, the President offered free health care for the foreseeable future. The children of illegal Latinos also received amnesty.

In Romney’s opinion, these were all kickbacks strategically placed to garner more support in November. This is highly unlikely, of course, but Obama did walk away with 60% of the youth vote, 93% of the African-American vote and 71% of the Hispanic vote. And even if these things were planned, the fact of the matter is that they were the right things to do.

Mitt just wishes that he had been able to do them.

Of course, there are plenty of Republicans who seem to be over Romney now that he lost by such a substantial margin in both the electoral and popular vote. And given his recent comments, a number of his own people seem to be turning against him.

“I absolutely reject that notion,” said Louisiana‘s Republican Governor Bobby Jindal during a recent conference in Las Vegas. “That’s absolutely wrong [and] I don’t think [it] represents where we are as a party and where we’re going.”

Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker echoed Jindal’s sentiment when he added that the Republican party “isn’t just for people who are currently dependent on the government. It’s for all Americans.”

It looks like we made the right decision, my fellow Americans. If Romney can’t even get along with his own party, how could we ever expect him to lead a bipartisan charge to improve our great nation?

Vaya con dios, Mitt. Here’s hoping 100% of us never have to hear your 47% comments again.

Obama and Romney Born Again!

Babies Barack and Mitt (courtesy of MSN)

At first glance, the title of this article may cause you to picture Barack and Mitt standing in a river, white robes flowing, waiting for a minister to dunk them in the cool water and baptize them.

Such is not the case.

What I’m actually referring to is a recent development in the country where Obama’s father was born, Kenya.

Wednesday morning, 20-year-old Millicent Owuor gave birth to twins close to the village of Kogelo in south-west Kenya. Kogelo is the actual village where Obama’s father was born.

For whatever reason, Owuor decided to name her twins after the presidential candidates. She now has Barack Obama Owuor (BOO) and Mitt Romney Owuor (I can’t think of a good nickname for him since Mitt serves the purpose).

Reuters reported that a number of babies born at the same hospital were named Obama, but this is the first Romney baby to be born in Kenya.

I wonder how Mitt would feel knowing his namesake is a young African boy?

Election Reflections

Four more years! (property of Shepard Fairey/OBEY)

Last night, a year’s worth of campaigning finally came to an end as President Barack Obama defeated Republican challenger Mitt Romney in what many consider a landslide victory. Not only did Obama collect more electoral votes—the only real determinants of America’s next leader—but he also pulled ahead in the popular vote. In other words, the people have spoken and it is now official: Barack Obama will remain our President for the next four years.

And honestly, I couldn’t be happier.

Bear in mind that I don’t believe Romney is as evil or self-serving as people seem to think. Paul Ryan seems a little sketchy, but that’s only because I don’t know much about him. Nevertheless, I was fully prepared to deal with them both for the next four to eight years. I wasn’t looking forward to it, but I could handle it if it happened. I’m pretty adaptable. Fortunately, this won’t be necessary. And aside from some random news coverage the next few months, I doubt if I’ll ever hear about Mitt Romney again. Ryan may appear in 2016 as a candidate or running mate, but Mitt will likely fade into obscurity, at least in terms of national exposure.

Farewell, Mitt. Thanks for the memories.

Of course, I thought Romney would get one last jab in when he delayed his concession speech last night. Then word spread that his advisors would likely contest the results from Ohio, the state that basically put Obama over the top. Here we go again, I told myself. Fortunately, the President soon won several more states and Ohio no longer mattered. Yet Romney still hadn’t delivered his speech.

What the hell?

At first, I thought what some of you likely thought, especially my Democrat friends out there: Here he goes being an ass again. It seemed like Mitt was stalling and since it was so late, I caught myself yawning or dozing off every couple of minutes. And this went on for a while.

Then I thought about a news story I read earlier where Romney claimed to have only an acceptance speech. At the time, his confidence came off as arrogance, but I now see that he was just staying positive. Sadly, things didn’t work out and Mitt found himself sitting in that hotel room—surrounded by family, friends and staff members—but lacking a concession speech. And the clock was ticking.

Mitt before he rides off into the sunset (courtesy of Reuters/Jim Young)

I know Romney probably didn’t write the speech himself, but I was happy when he finally took the stage. And even though I had grown weary of hearing him speak—through no fault of his own and due primarily to overexposure in the media—I thought Mitt delivered a gracious, heartfelt and classy concession speech. He was visibly weary and undoubtedly crushed by the defeat, but he did the right thing, threw his support behind the President and exited the political world stage with dignity. I have newfound respect for him and sincerely wish him well in the next phase of his life.

To President Obama—my candidate of choice—I offer my deepest congratulations and look forward to the things he will accomplish these next four years. People give him a hard time, but this man walked into an economic disaster and got bombarded with unreasonable expectations right out of the gate. And whether you can admit it or not, Obama has made some positive strides: the unemployment rate is down; Osama Bin Laden is toast; the automobile industry is alive and kicking; people once denied health care are getting the help they need; and students can get money for college, to name a few.

I’m sure some Republicans in the crowd have something to say about this, but please refrain from posting mean or offensive comments. Lord knows, there’s enough of that happening on Facebook to last a lifetime. Political status updates have sparked heated arguments and friends are being de-friended left and right.

It’s all pretty ridiculous.

What we should be doing is precisely what President Obama, Democrats and Republicans should be doing soon: working together. Our beloved nation is divided. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out. But are we sure this is such a bad thing? If you ask me, it’s better to view it as an opportunity. We now have a chance to put our heads together and to solve our collective problems fairly and intelligently. No one group will make the decisions and a consensus will need to be reached if we ever hope to progress and evolve as a nation. Together, we can make America great. Divided, we may never get our heads above water again. A number of clichés come to mind that could be included here, but I’m pretty sure I hit my quota already.

So here I am sitting in an Obama-Biden country again and wondering what the future will bring. It was a long and difficult campaign, but now it’s done and things can finally return to normal. And for once, I can enjoy some television without being subjected to political ads, super pacts and “I endorse this message” every 15 seconds.

Life is good.

Vote for Me

Not a great place to be…

Since the presidential election is only a week away—and being something of a procrastinator—I figured now was the time to announce my candidacy for your next Commander-in-Chief. I know this is unexpected and may even be perceived as lazy, but hear me out. For a year or more, we have all been subjected to endless campaign advertisements and constant political posturing. Why force a third candidate on the American people when they have obviously suffered enough?

Positive Presidential Trait #1: Mercy.

I also find the price tag of a presidential campaign to be far too expensive. How can we justify spending hundreds of millions of dollars on television spots, direct mail flyers, placards, publicity agents and other campaign “necessities” when there are so many Americans out of work? Sorry, but my conscience won’t allow that, so I opted to keep the campaigning to a minimum: this post. It would be nice if enough of my fellow Americans read this, voted for me as a write-in candidate and actually sent me to Washington, but I’m realistic. I know it’s a long shot, but I figure, what the hell?

Positive Presidential Trait #2: Bravery—and maybe a little Faith (for you Tea Party folks out there).

Of course, no presidential campaign would be complete with some promises. I was about to write “empty promises” but for once, there is a candidate willing to tell it like it is—someone who isn’t afraid to speak the truth. And that someone is obviously ME!

Tired of all the political sparring? (Cartoonaday.com)

If you elect me as your next President of the United States of America, I promise to…

…blame the previous administration for everything that’s wrong while taking credit for anything positive they put into motion.

…put an end to homework! Sorry. That was apparently some deep-seeded memory of a middle-school election I have tried hard to forget. A story for another time, perhaps.

…use Air Force One to take summer vacations to Atlantis Resort, Rio de Janeiro, Hawaii or some other exotic locale. Hey, I’m just being honest. I suppose there could be some kind of lottery so normal Americans could win invitations to join us. We could fill up the plane, book a resort and throw down Presidential style… whatever that is.

…pretend the millions of jobs economists predict will be created over the next four years have something to do with me.

…use cigars only as intended—for smoking. Since I don’t smoke cigars, though, this shouldn’t be a problem. I do smoke cigarettes, but they are far less durable and I doubt anyone could derive any erotic pleasure from them. Or could they? I suppose it is possible. After all, there are people who get off on poo poo and pee pee, and that’s just nasty.

…appear at as many of your children’s birthday parties as my schedule allows. We all know the President isn’t as busy as he lets on. The VP runs around the country, the Secretary of State travels the world and he just has to sit back and chill. Why not spend some of that “down time” making balloon animals, telling jokes and doing parlor tricks for a bunch of snot-nosed… I mean gifted… kids? They are the future.

…show my gratitude by releasing some juicy, previously confidential information, like the truth about Area 51, the Kennedy assassination, Roswell… you name it. Visit my website to vote—it will launch once I take office—and help determine which secrets get revealed!

…bring peace to the Middle East through democracy and… sorry… I can’t even write that, it’s so far-fetched!

…tell you everything and be as transparent as the Invisible Man, even if it causes panic in the streets, rioting, a zombie apocalypse… whatever. America has a right to know, damn it!

…implement policies or start projects that require more than four years to complete so you will have no choice but to re-elect me. Good politics take time, so eight years works much, much better.

The time for a change has come! Vote for me! (sodahead.com)

Positive Presidential Trait #3: Sense of Humor—Decide for yourself if it’s good or bad.

Finally, I offer a little information about myself so you can rest easy I’m no freak. I have no criminal record, adult or juvenile, and have never committed a major crime. Technically, speeding and urinating in public are crimes, but they’re more the “little white crime” variety, if you know what I mean.

I don’t attend church—mostly because Sundays are my holy football days and church clothes are too itchy and uncomfortable—but I’m open to it and certainly don’t mind if others go. Faith is a good thing. And no, it isn’t for the Tea Party people this time. I really mean it.

Most of all, I’m a decent person. I won’t abuse the position if I can help it—maybe some late-night grilled cheese sandwiches or barbecued ribs from the White House chef, but nothing major. And I certainly couldn’t do any worse than anyone before or after me. Hell, I’m just what this election needs: a non-politician with bipartisan inclinations. So next week when you hit the polls and elbow through those annoying campaign “scalpers” working the door, do us all a favor.

Vote for me!

Positive Presidential Trait #4: Sincerity—I genuinely feel your pain. And I think you know what I mean, don’t you?

Joss Whedon for Romney?

A still from Whedon’s video

Joss Whedon, the 48-year-old creator of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and writer of “The Avengers,” just released a campaign video in support of Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney. This may seem odd given Whedon’s past support for Barack Obama, but there is a method to his madness.

The video that hit YouTube Sunday is an obvious parody that encourages voters to choose Romney because he is most likely to bring about a zombie apocalypse. Check out this excerpt:

“Mitt Romney is a very different candidate, one with the vision and determination to cut through business as usual politics and finally put this country back on the path to zombie apocalypse. Romney is ready to make the deep rollbacks to health care, education, social services, and reproductive rights that will guarantee poverty, unemployment, overpopulation, disease, rioting — all crucial elements in creating a nightmare zombie wasteland. But it’s his commitment to ungoverned corporate privilege that will nosedive this economy into true insolvency and chaos. The kind of chaos you can’t buy back: Money is only so much paper to the undead. The 1 percent will no longer be the very rich — it will be the very fast.”

If you haven’t done so already, I highly recommend that you take a look. Whedon’s talents obviously extend beyond the Big Screen, and Obama supporters are sure to love it.

I know I do. Nice work, Joss!

Coulter Continues to Offend

Ann Coulter as we would like to see her

Following the last presidential debate concerning foreign policy, conservative political pundit Ann Coulter tweeted her support for Republican candidate Mitt Romney and his decision “to be kind and gentle to the retard.”

The retard in question, at least in her opinion, is President Obama.

Ever since this tweet hit the airwaves, criticism for Coulter has continued to snowball. Of course, the tweet has also been “favorited” more than 1200 times and re-tweeted by almost 3000 people. That seems par for the course where controversial issues are concerned, and this certainly qualifies.

Earlier this week, Coulter received an open letter from John Franklin Stephens, a Special Olympian with Down syndrome, who explained what the word “retard” means to him.

“I thought first of asking whether you meant to describe the President as someone who was bullied as a child by people like you, but rose above it to find a way to succeed in life as many of my fellow Special Olympians have,” Stephens wrote. ”Then I wondered if you meant to describe him as someone who has to struggle to be thoughtful about everything he says, as everyone else races from one snarky sound bite to the next. … Well, Ms. Coulter, you, and society, need to learn that being compared to people like me should be considered a badge of honor. No one overcomes more than we do and still loves life so much.”

Gunning for the mentally challenged? (courtesy of CindyCelebs)

To my knowledge, Coulter has not yet responded to Stephens.

This isn’t the first time that Ann Coulter has targeted the President with similarly offensive language. Her last tweet came shortly after Obama taped a video for the National Forum on Disability Issues: ”Been busy, but is Obama STILL talking about that video? I had no idea how crucial the retarded vote is in this election.”

Despite being one of the more attractive political pundits in the world, Coulter obviously keeps her “ugly” on the inside. She thrives on controversy and honestly, I feel like all of these tweets are designed to illicit responses, whether negative or positive. I did see an interview with Coulter where she blew off the tweets, as well as her use of the word “retard.” She said our society is too focused on political correctness, which I kind of agree with, but there’s no excuse for being so tactless. I hope she realizes just how hurtful her words can be.

Trump Blows the Election Wide Open

Trying to Trump Obama (courtesy of Hero Decks)

Earlier this week, real estate mogul and all-around weird guy Donald Trump claimed he would make an announcement Wednesday that would blow the 2012 presidential election wide open.

Today, Trump kept his promise. Well, sort of.

It is true that Trump made an announcement today. Did it shake up the election to come? Hardly. If anything, I would describe his “revelation” as anti-climactic at best.

The shaggy-haired Don has asked President Obama to release both his passport and his college records. If he does so, then Trump will donate $5 million to any charity Obama desires.

As it stands, Trump credits himself with pressuring Obama to release his birth certificate not too long ago. If only that were enough to satisfy King Donald or the public he claims still thirsts for information about their president.

After hearing Trump’s absurd and disappointing announcement, it took me a brief while to figure out his angle. At first, I just thought he finally lost his mind. This successful yet annoying nit-wit considered running for president, harassed the current leader of the Free World, threw his support behind the GOP challenger and then started harassing Obama again. And now I know why.

Since Trump is supporting Romney, I started asking myself the same question over and over again: What does The Don stand to gain from all this recent nonsense? Put another way: How is this supposed to help propel Romney into the White House?

It’s possible that Trump is simply trying to distract President Obama during these crucial few weeks before the election, but that seems unlikely. We all know how focused and determined Barack can be, so I doubt anyone could distract him at this point in the race. And I’m certain Trump knows this, too.

Another possibility is that Trump hates Obama and wants to drag his name through the mud as much as he can. He doesn’t care about helping Romney as much as he does about hurting the President. Asking Obama to release more information about himself, knowing full well he will refuse, is Trump’s way of making the Prez look unreasonable, resistant and petty. If Obama can’t compromise now, how can we expect him to compromise with Republicans later?

Seems kind of obvious and desperate if you ask me, but that’s likely because it’s wrong. And Trump trying to distract Obama is wrong, too. Hear me out.

This would sound really dumb if it didn’t involve Donald Trump, who we all expect to act like a jackass, but I believe this whole announcement farce was nothing more than Don trying to give Obama a taste of his own medicine. And believe me. Nothing could be more petty.

Throughout this presidential campaign, President Obama and others have asked, urged, begged and pressured Mitt Romney to release his past tax returns. Mitt obliged, but only released the past few years. And he hasn’t budged since.

Trump must want Obama to walk in Mitt’s shoes for a change. He harassed the hell out of him for a birth certificate and eventually got his way. So now Trump is pushing harder to see if Obama will cave or stand his ground. If he weakens, then Romney may have just the edge he needs; but if Obama stands firm, then at least another seed of doubt has been planted in the public’s minds.

Is it possible that Big Don is smarter than I give him credit for?

More GOP Shenanigans

Another GOP with his foot in his mouth (courtesy of AP/Michael Conroy)

Last August, Republican Senate nominee Todd Akin of Missouri made headlines when he said that pregnancies resulting from “legitimate rapes” were rare because women’s bodies had the ability to “shut that whole thing down.” The backlash he experienced shortly thereafter has eased off a bit, but now Akin’s chances in the upcoming election are not as good as they were prior to this ridiculous claim.

Now it appears that another GOP candidate is joining the “how big of a jackass am I” campaign that Akin began this summer.

Republican candidate for the US Senate in Indiana, Richard Mourdock, recently claimed that pregnancies resulting from rape are God‘s will.

“I struggled with it myself for a long time, but I came to realize that life is that gift from God,” Mourdock said during a debate with his opponent, Democrat Joe Donnelly. “And, I think, even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that it is something that God intended to happen.”

Believe it or not, but this is a candidate that presidential hopeful Mitt Romney endorsed in a campaign ad that continues to run in the state. And despite advice from his team to distance himself from Mourdock, Romney has yet to comment on this new embarrassment.

Judging from the latest polls, none of which I put much stock in, Romney is either tied with or leading President Obama. But if his GOP colleagues continue to make ignorant and offensive statements, I am sure it will seriously hurt his chances of becoming the next Commander-in-Chief.

And for that, I could not be happier. Keep those comments coming, GOP peeps!