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Fly the Upskirt Skies

Bad Bartsch got busted (Nashville Police Department/AP)

Bad Bartsch got busted (Nashville Police Department/AP)

I guess they will let just anyone be an air marshal these days—including 28-year-old Adam Bartsch, an amateur cell phone photographer with a penchant for “upskirt” photos.

In case you didn’t know, upskirt photos are taken under the skirts of unsuspecting women in the hopes of catching a glimpse of their private parts. Collections of these photographs are posted all over the Internet on endless sites, which have been popular for some time and never seem to go out of style.

Wearing pants on the plane may be best (Q13 Fox)

Wearing pants on the plane may be best (Q13 Fox)

The funny thing is that you never expect the people taking these kinds of photos to be law enforcement officials, but that’s exactly what happened with Bartsch, whose hobby got him into hot water this Thursday.

While on duty aboard a Southwest Airlines flight preparing to depart from Nashville International Airport, Bartsch was spotted using his cell phone to snap pictures under women’s dresses by one of the already-seated passengers. The woman immediately snatched the phone away from him and alerted a flight attendant, who had security remove the kinky air marshal from the plane a few minutes later.

According to police, Bartsch confessed to taking a dozen naughty photos during this incident, but also admitted to a prior incident, which also took place while he was on duty. Needless to say, he was charged with disorderly conduct, held on $10,000 bail and removed from his duties by the Transportation Security Administration—which also plans to terminate his employment soon.

Flight attendants could have prevented this, you know? (upskirt-video.org)

Flight attendants could have prevented this, you know? (upskirt-video.org)

And for what? A handful of upskirt photos he could easily have downloaded online by the hundreds. What a jackass.

Of course, Bartsch isn’t the first law enforcement officer whose perversion led him astray. In April, a former police officer in Lowell, Massachusetts pleaded guilty to using his badge to solicit sex from prostitutes, also while he was on duty. Aravanh Lakmany admitted to more than 20 separate occasions when he would pick up a whore, drive her to a secluded area, and then either pay or force her to have sex with him. Those who complied were even permitted to “work” in his area later without fear of being arrested, and least not by him.

Now this looks like my kind of flight! (mangosucker)

Now this looks like my kind of flight! (mangosucker)

What a scumbag. Fortunately, Lakmany is heading to jail for the next two years and won’t be able to enjoy the company of hookers for a while. What he will get to enjoy, though, is a different kind of company… and not the kind he’s likely to enjoy quite as much.

No one said a career in law enforcement would be easy, but please learn to control your urges, gentlemen. And save the sex-fueled power trips and badge-flashing for the bedroom, would you?

Hedgehog Hospitalized

Ron Jeremy

The Hedgehog: Adult Film Legend Ron Jeremy (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have some terrible news for anyone familiar with the adult film industry.

Put another way…

Hey EVERYBODY! I have some troubling news to share from the world of porn, adult entertainment or whatever the hell you choose to call it.

According to recent reports, one of the founding fathers of the adult film industry–the infamous “Hedgehog” himself, Ron Jeremy–has been hospitalized following an aneurysm near his heart. He is now at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in critical condition.

The 59-year-old star of more than 2000 adult features, and director of over 200 more, apparently had some chest pains on Tuesday afternoon and drove to the hospital. After the aneurysm was discovered, Ron’s condition deteriorated and he was moved to intensive care.

Last I heard, they were prepping Ron for surgery.

I feel comfortable calling him “Ron” because after all these years, I feel as if I know him. Maybe more of him than I care to admit, but you know what I mean.

In honor of this amazing performer of nearly limitless stamina–as well as a “damn-why-couldn’t-I-have-been-born-with-that” flesh torpedo–I offer this post as tribute.

Whether you like adult entertainment or hate it, no one can deny the impact of Ron Jeremy on the industry. His name is synonymous with porn in the same way Kleenex is synonymous with tissues. There simply is no bigger name out there. And The Hedgehog has been doing this for decades.

But did you know that Ron Jeremy began his professional life as a teacher for special needs children? That’s right. In addition to having bachelor’s degrees in theater and education, Ron also holds a master’s degree in special education. He only went into nude modeling (originally for Playgirl) and adult film to make ends meet.

Ron would be the one on the bottom (courtesy of GardenSouth.org)

And boy, did he ever.

If you count up all the films in which Ron Jeremy either starred or directed, the total comes close to 2,400. However, Ron also served as a consultant on a multitude of other, non-pornographic films and even flexed his above-the-waist acting chops from time to time.

You might guess that he consulted on the 1997 Mark Wahlberg film Boogie Nights, which was based on the life of another porn legend, John Holmes. You know? The one that ends with Wahlberg removing a prosthetic penis from his pants?

If you ask me, it looked more like an elephant trunk, but that’s neither here nor there.

Ron also popped up in cameo roles on television, like the ABC children’s show “Bone Chillers,” and in movies, including Ghostbusters, Detroit Rock City and The Boondock Saints

He truly is a Renaissance Man.

So please keep Ron Jeremy in your thoughts and prayers. With any luck, he will fully recover and will be back on top again soon.

And yes, that pun was intended.

Porn now easier to find

Search.xxx

A new approach to sleaze (property of Search.XXX)

Registry Launches Search Engine for Porn | News & Opinion | PCMag.com.

The ICM Registry just unveiled something that internet porn aficionados have likely wanted for years: a porn search engine.

Search.XXX is a new porn tool (no pun intended) that allows perverts from around the globe to scan through millions of pages of adult content bearing the .xxx domain.

This differs from simple porn searches using engines like Google or Yahoo because it doesn’t pander to advertisers. In other words, sites are not ranked lower in web searches simply because they offer less ad revenue.

Everyone with pictures of boobies, butts, hoohas and ding-dongs has an equal shot (not money shot) of being included in search results. Score one for pornographers everywhere!

Another interesting “non-feature” on Search.XXX is advertising. Gone are all the annoying offers and images you find on many porn sites. And there are also no pop-ups or other irritating distractions.

All you have is porn at your fingertips, at least until those fingertips drift off the mouse and start “interfacing” with your naughty bits and pieces.

Sadly, this new search engine won’t help me much because honestly, I’ve probably seen all the 21 million pages of adult content Search.XXX has to offer.

I will wait patiently for the first update, though.

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