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The Joy of Cooking?

Choose turkey (courtesy of http://www.delish.com)

Residents of the small Oceanside, California community were accustomed to strange behavior from the Hengls. 74-year-old Anna Maria Hengl was often seen feeding the birds or speaking with passersby, never noticing that her pants had fallen to her ankles. And Anna’s husband, 68-year-old Frederick Hengl, was known for cross-dressing and even running errands in town while in drag.

They were an odd couple, to say the least. And things were about to get even more bizarre.

For more than a month, neighbors had not seen or heard from Anna. Frederick, on the other hand, kept very busy and for the last week, the sounds of power tools could be heard coming from his home. Neighbor Erick Chavez also noticed Frederick’s new attachment to his trash cans.

“The man was taking his trash cans back and forth,” Chavez told local reporters. “He’s been going around the block, up and around.”

Not a good idea!

Recently, neighbors noticed a terrible and growing stench coming from the Hengls’ home. It became so unbearable that someone reported it to the police, who immediately investigated.

Officers entered the home through a window and found three pans of meat cooking on the stove. Scattered throughout the home were cut pieces of bone and several tools, including a meat grinder, a saw and a boning knife. But what they found in the freezer cast all of this in a new and disturbing light.

They found the severed head of Anna Maria Hengl. And as it turned out, the meat cooking on the stove was Anna, too. At least what was left of her.

Frederick Hengl was taken into custody and today pleaded not guilty to first-degree murder. He is now in jail on $5 million bail.

I realize this is a rather morbid story to lead into Thanksgiving, but it should remind us of how fortunate we are to have only turkey on the menu. Poor Anna never had that chance…

Mother’s Day in September

I’m not sure if the planets aligned, hell froze over or Mother’s Day moved to September, but Mom was all over the news today. Dare I say she held her own with the Presidential election coverage, providing a much-needed break from all the empty promises and political double-speak. Sadly, not all the news was good, but what can you do? It’s Mom!

Marie Jost of Amherst, Wisconsin, has been receiving Social Security checks since she suffered a stroke in 1980. Today, these payments total $175,000. This may not seem like an exorbitant sum of money—especially spread across more than thirty years—but there’s more to the story: Jost has been dead since 1982.

Most of us put family first and live by the adage that “blood is thicker than water,” but the same can’t be said for Marie Jost’s son, daughter and son-in-law. After Jost disappeared without a trace three decades ago—she is of course presumed dead—her family continued to cash her Social Security checks. They would have raked in even more if the Social Security Administration hadn’t sent a deputy to Jost’s property to confirm that she was still alive. The ensuing investigation led authorities to Ronald Disher, Jost’s son-in-law, who confessed that she had “been gone about 25-30 years.”

Needless to say, all three of these losers face felony charges, prison time and fines heftier than the cash they stole from this poor woman.

Anna Gristina of Monroe, New York, is a mother of four and legal U.S. resident originally from Scotland. In town, she is known for rescuing animals and finding them homes. But in the big city, Gristina has a different image.

She is the madam of a multimillion-dollar prostitution… dating… service. And sadly, the party’s over.

The lovely and enterprising Gristina spent fifteen years giving wealthy clients “the business.” But her run came to an abrupt end when she sent two “escorts” to service what turned out to be an undercover cop. Now Gristina has been indicted by a grand jury and is fighting for her life in court.

Personally, I have no problem with prostitution for the same reason I’m pro-life on abortion: women have the right to choose what they do with their bodies. If this includes humping the life out of rich and sexually deprived clients, so be it.  No offense to any “Johns” out there. And good luck to you, Anna. You’re going to need it.

Julie Myfors of Sedro-Woolley, Washington, discovered that her 17-year-old daughter was dating a registered sex offender, 19-year-old William Elms—his prior conviction was third-degree child molestation. When her daughter refused to break up with Elms, Myfors took action.

She immediately found a young girl who was friends with Elms on Facebook, set up a fake profile and email account, and started communicating with this pervert. Predictably, the conversation turned nasty—even violent—and led to Elms’ sending a picture of his “hangdown” to Myfors, who was posing as 15-year-old Ashley Lynn Brooks. A short visit with the police later and Elms found himself behind bars.

You know what happens to child molesters in jail, don’t you? Let’s just say that regardless of his sentence, Elms will undoubtedly get what’s coming to him… in the end. I can’t make it much clearer than that.

These aren’t the same kids

Anna Boyle of Woodinville, Washington, was cruising down a state highway, stoned out of her mind on weed, heroin, methamphetamines and God knows what else, when she was pulled over by “the fuzz.” Officers smelled pot and confronted Boyle and her passenger/fiancé about it. That’s when they heard a thumping sound coming from the trunk.

There they found Boyle’s three hungry children—their last meal was the previous day—as well as the family dog. Boyle and her partner-in-crime, Aaron Johnson, were immediately arrested on the drug charges. Additional charges related to the kids should be coming soon to a court near these two morons. I swear, some crackheads never learn.

Zewoinesh Badasso of San Diego, California, faces first-degree murder charges for strangling her 7-month-old son and tossing him out of a third-story window. A passerby found his tiny body on the street below and phoned police, who apprehended Badasso and took note of her “calm and unconcerned” behavior. Badasso’s attorney claims she was opening a window and accidentally dropped the baby out of it, but will focus her defense on “post-partum psychosis”—the equivalent of the temporary insanity plea, only for mothers who snap on their newborns.

Wow. I think I just depressed myself with that story. Murder aside, it’s also a shame to think that somewhere in San Diego could be a couple who would have loved to adopt this child. Instead, another young life has been snuffed. And there are no silver linings where dead babies are concerned.

What kind of messed up Mother’s Day would this have been? Of course, I suppose it is possible these mothers were trying to tell us all something very, very important. Something none of us should ever, ever forget.

Be good to Mom.

I am the guy who wrote this post and I endorse this message because as I stated before, I wrote this post and thus the message belongs to me. Take that, Mitt and Barack!

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