March for Miseducation

This is NOT a bad teacher (courtesy of Sony Pictures)

It has been a rough month for teachers, both those in the classroom and those on the athletic field (also known as coaches… duh).

Sex. Drugs. Pornography.

Not what you might expect from your local school curriculum, huh? Well that’s exactly what’s happening in schools around the nation. Take a look at some of the most disturbing examples of miseducation in America.

They make a pretty strong case for home schooling, to be sure.

WINDER, GEORGIA

Emily Susan Smith, 37, who worked as a middle school math teacher for 14 years, was recently arrested on charges of attempting to distribute a controlled substance, reckless conduct and use of an electronic device to deliver a controlled substance.

Listen to this: Smith made some calls and arranged to have Xanax and methadone delivered to her own babysitter, who was home with her daughter. Not a smart move, but it got worse by the minute.

Later that night, the 18-year-old babysitter took the prescription drugs, went to bed, fell asleep and never woke up. A family member found her dead the next morning.

Smith has been released from her employment with Barrow County Schools and was herself released from jail on $8,000 bond.

How this woman ever became a teacher, I’ll never know.

DC police are on the scene (courtesy of CBS Local)

WASHINGTON, D.C.

From our nation’s capital comes 29-year-old John Solano, a public school science teacher arrested Friday on child pornography charges.

According to police, Solano sent explicit photographs of himself to male students using electronic methods, which I can only assume means a cell phone.

Is it possible this was simply a misguided anatomy experiment gone horribly awry?

Nah. I didn’t think so, either. Shame on you, John. You know the kids aren’t allowed to meet Mr. Johnson!

CALEXICO, CALIFORNIA

Friday was a busy day for police because some “boys in blue” came calling for 56-year-old Tommy Obeso at Aurora High School. He was arrested for allegedly fondling and touching several female students ranging in age from 16 to 17.

Thanks to Homeland Security, most notably their Cyber Crime Unit, a sting operation was launched to catch this pervert. They arranged for him to meet a female student for sex and when he came (to the location), they pounced.

Obeso has been booked into Imperial County Jail and faces multiple counts of sexual battery and lewd and lascivious behavior with a minor.

Don’t we screen our teachers and try to weed out the sex maniacs, pedophiles and kinky deviants anymore? Is it possible this could be one reason for all our low-performing students?

It’s just a thought.

Amanda Feenstra (courtesy of KHOU)

HOUSTON, TEXAS

Amanda Feenstra, 30, a former dance instructor, appeared in court last week on charges that she had a sexual relationship with a 17-year-old student (and dance team member) at Humble High School.

Not only that, but she allegedly stalked her lover after graduation, too. Only when the alleged victim went to a teacher did the whole sordid affair come to light.

Feenstra now faces a second-degree felony for having an improper relationship with a student. She is free on $30,000 bond while the case heads to a grand jury.

Regardless of whether Feenstra is convicted or not, good luck getting a job in education ever again. A charge like this stays with you forever.

It’s like luggage.

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON

Our final “bad teacher” was also a softball coach at Roosevelt High School, at least until he submitted his resignation last week.

Troy Hennum stands accused of operating a dating scavenger hunt using his own high school softball players. Here’s how it works.

Troy instructs his players on the type of women he likes. Then he sends them out into town to find him dates. Giggling groups of young girls go from business to business, asking strange women for their pictures and phone numbers, all to be delivered to their coach.

Sounds creepy, right?

Fortunately, 25-year-old Kat Aagard brought an end to Hennum’s softball dating game.

She was approached by some of Hennum’s players and later received numerous text messages from the coach. In one of them, he even sounded proud of his demented dating system: “Right? Genius. Great way to meet a girl. Use my girls. LOL.”

Jackass.

Kat Aargard (courtesy of Facebook)

Although Aargard was flattered at first, Hennum’s messages started to get annoying and she quickly lost interest. On a hunch, she did a quick Internet search for the kinky coach and couldn’t believe what she found.

Hennum had been involved in another controversy in nearby Lake Washington the year before, this time for text messaging a student. No charges were filed and the school district never disciplined Hennum, but he was notably absent from their teaching roster the following spring.

The good news is that Hennum called Aargard to apologize for the ruse. In a voicemail message, he said, “I want to call and, first off, sincerely apologize for any inconvenience myself or the team caused you.”

Stay classy, Todd Hennum. And next time, hunt your own honeys. You get points for creativity, but the creepiness factor was far too high.

We always hear about the trouble with today’s youth. And I have entered the conversation myself on numerous occasions. But now I realize it isn’t always their fault: it’s their teachers, too! Granted, most of them are wonderful, but the bad apples that slip into the bunch need to be rooted out immediately.

The five mentioned here are a very, very good start.

You’ll Go Blind!

Gonzales aka “Donny Wright” (courtesy of Twitter)

One of the funniest things that parents tell their sons is that if they play with their wieners, they’ll go blind. I am, of course, referring to masturbation. And if I ever walked in on my son “slapping the salami,” I would probably tell him the same.

Of course, we all know this isn’t true. Sure, I started wearing glasses at an early age and my vision has gotten worse with each passing year, but it’s not the result of excessive self-pleasure.

At least I hope it’s not.

Imagine for a moment that masturbation could cause blindness. If this were the case, then these next two gentlemen would be one step closer to perfecting their Ray Charles impressions… literally!

Our first naughty “swordsman” is 27-year-old Nicolas Gonzales, a gay porn actor known as “Donny Wright” in the adult film industry. The star of such hits as “Unglory Hole 2″ and “TSA Stripdown” was just arrested for breaking into a Louisville firehouse and doing something unexpected, but not all that surprising.

He was caught masturbating on the fire gear.

After arresting Gonzales for burglary, criminal mischief and public intoxication (he was drunk), police asked him why he did it. “Because I wanted to,” he told the officers.

Given his obvious eloquence, it’s no wonder that Gonzales’ acting career led him into porn. Some guys can only speak with their dicks, so he likely made the right choice.

I only hope the cops hid their police gear before they locked him up. There’s no telling what he’ll try to spray next.

Another fellow worthy of the title “Master Bates” is Pennsylvania‘s Scott E. Smith, who was busted in late January for jerking off behind a Uni-Mart.

When police approached Smith, he quickly grabbed his phone and pretended to be calling his girlfriend. Unfortunately, he didn’t realize that Mr. Johnson was still hanging out until the officer asked him about it. And that’s when Smith gave a hilarious excuse.

Does this turn you on, baby? (courtesy of complex.com)

He told the officer his penis was out because his pants shrunk. I’m not sure how that’s even possible, but he gets extra points for creativity.

After being arrested and charged with multiple counts of indecent exposure, Smith finally admitted to masturbating in public and even confessed to flashing several women in December. And his reason for the convenience store jack-fest: depression.

Now I’ve been depressed before. And as a guy, I’m not ashamed to say that I’ve masturbated before, either. However, the two never go hand-in-hand (pun intended). If they did, then I would have my junk out almost all the time… and I wouldn’t be the only one.

Masturbating in public can be exciting, of course. The fear of getting caught or being seen adds an element of danger, the same that prompts people to have sex in public places.

And for some guys, added motivation may come from the fantasy that some attractive woman will see their business and decide to handle it for them herself. As far as I know, this only happens in dreams or maybe bad porno films, but I suppose it’s possible.

Regardless, the important thing for guys to remember is this: masturbation is a private act. Sure, some people may want to watch you “flog the bishop,” but since you can’t be sure who they are, it’s probably best to keep it in your pants.

If you must masturbate in public, though, I suggest visiting an adult site and using your webcam to engage in some live sex chat. At least those people are expecting what you want to show them. And none of them are likely to report you for it, either.

Mom in Deep Doo Doo

Definitely not a candidate for “Parent of the Year” (courtesy of ABC News)

Parenting isn’t easy. Anyone who says otherwise is either lying or trying to sell you something. And while it may be easy to recognize good parenting when you see it, picking up on bad parenting is even easier.

Especially where people like Judy Viger of Gansevoort, New York are concerned.

The 33-year-old mother was recently arrested and charged with multiple counts of endangering the welfare of a child. Why, you ask? Check this out.

Last November, Viger threw a party for her son’s 16th birthday at a local bowling alley. A number of teenagers attended what should have been a fun and innocent celebration, but what they encountered was much, much different.

As a special treat for her son and his friends, Viger did what most parents… or most good parents… would consider unthinkable: she hired strippers.

Viger obviously wasn’t thinking straight when she arranged this ridiculous entertainment for the underaged partygoers. But she also forgot that we live in the age of technology, as evidenced by all the photos posted on Facebook later. A few even showed strippers giving lap dances and wrapping their legs around the heads of several minors.

Not cool.

When parents of Viger’s guests saw these photos, they immediately went to the South Glens Falls police, who took witness statements and then tracked down the misguided mother. She was apprehended and now could face jail time for her dumb move.

When it comes to the general stupidity of some people, I am rarely surprised by what I see, hear and read. But parents are supposed to know better, right?

Apparently not.

Would you want your son doing this? (courtesy of mynewshub)

I guess it never occurred to Viger that exposing these young boys to sexual situations might cause problems later. Granted, kids these days often learn about sex from their friends, usually long before their parents ever sit them down for “the talk.” But doing things like this only exacerbate any potential deviant behavior in the future. Hell, they might even guarantee it.

I’ve only been a parent for five years and haven’t dealt with a teenager yet, but I can say this: I will never hire strippers for my son’s birthday parties, much less expose him to things that could harm him later. This includes turning him into a pervert before he’s old enough to decide whether he really wants to be one or not. And don’t get me started on the whole objectification of women thing, because this could quickly become a rant rather than a simple blog post.

So parents, do yourselves and your children a favor: let them enjoy the innocence of youth as long as possible. Such a thing might not exist any more, but that doesn’t mean you have to deny them of it completely by doing dumb shit like this.

In other words, take the example of Judy Viger and whenever you encounter a situation that demands ethical and moral action, do the opposite of what you think she would do. I’m sure it will cause fewer problems down the road.

Protecting the Family Jewels

Keep them under wraps (property of Fun Boxers)

“Guys, you know you better watch out. Some girls, some girls are only about that thing, that thing, that thing.”

These words appeared in Lauryn Hill’s 1998 R&B hit “Doo Wop (That Thing)” and helped launch the solo career of this former Fugees lead singer. The song is intended as a plea to young African-American men and women caught in “the struggle” and warns guys not to let “that thing” (between their legs) ruin their lives. Of course, they could also apply to the challenges men of all races face today, especially when it comes to the internet.

I am, of course, referring to the upswing in online sex scams. And yes, they affect men as much as they do women, maybe even more.

Let me paint you a picture.

Jim Williams was a 35-year-old man whose marriage was falling apart and heading for divorce. As such, he and his wife rarely communicated verbally, much less physically. And Jim was lonely.

He was also horny.

One night as Jim was cruising around his Facebook account, a friend request arrived from a beautiful young woman he had never met. Her name was Lynn and according to her profile, she and Jim shared several mutual friends. Although he normally wouldn’t accept a request from a stranger—especially a young woman—Jim trusted his friends and reluctantly added Lynn to his list. Within minutes, he received a message from her and the two began chatting on a regular basis.

At first, their exchanges were innocent: What’s your favorite film? How long have you worked in your current field? Where did you grow up? Eventually—and quickly—the two got closer and their questions became more personal: What do you look for in a woman? How much sex do you normally have in a week? What’s your favorite position?

Every time Jim communicated with Lynn, she mentioned some kinky interest or sexual need that aroused the sleeping giant in his pants. He knew that he wasn’t a cheater and hadn’t done anything wrong, but deep down he still felt a little guilty.

Fortunately, the feeling quickly passed.

The next day, Jim got a message from Lynn asking if he would meet her on Skype that night. She even provided her number and told him to call anytime, day or night, even collect if necessary. A week passed before Jim finally summoned the strength to do so, but eventually curiosity took hold and he couldn’t resist. Jim told himself that a little video chatting never hurt anyone. And since he would be single in a few months anyway, this could be a fun warm-up before he finally dove back into the dating pool.

So Jim logged into his Skype account, dialed Lynn’s number, took a deep breath and waited. Lynn answered quickly and a moment later, the two laid eyes on each other for the first time, alive and in person.

And they were both pleased.

Some great conversations followed, but so did some flirting. This quickly turned in to sex talk and within a few days, things started to get pretty graphic. Each time Jim logged in and contacted Lynn, she was wearing an outfit more revealing than the last. The more skin she showed, the more Jim’s pants rose to the occasion. And though he still felt a little guilty at times, he figured “What the hell?” So he kept on talking dirty and even encouraged Lynn to reveal more of herself, which she soon did.

The next time they Skyped, she was completely naked and extremely compliant. Whatever Jim asked her to do—regardless of how demented it might be—she did without question. There were oils, lotions, toys and even a few vegetables depending on their mood. In a short time, Jim had seen so much of Lynn that if asked to pick her out of a lineup, he could identify her from any angle or using any square inch of her body.

This is probably too much

He had a flexible webcam to thank for that.

Then came the inevitable request from Jim’s new and naked friend: “I showed you mine, so show me yours.”

Jim was hesitant at first. After all, by law he was still a married man. Sure, he suspected his wife of cheating on him in the past—maybe with several different men—but he couldn’t prove anything and certainly didn’t want revenge. This would just be an entertaining way to get his rocks off, not all that different from whacking off to a porn site or live sex show, both of which cost money. This was free and since he didn’t know Lynn—and she didn’t even know his last name—Jim knew he was safe.

So he dropped his pants, allowed Lynn to seduce him through his computer screen, played to the camera and ended his “show” with a finale so explosive it nearly shorted out his keyboard.

Seconds later, the call disconnected and Lynn’s screen went dark. Assuming it was nothing more than a bad connection, Jim spent a few minutes straightening up, pulled himself together and called Lynn to thank her for the “favor.”

There was no answer.

She was probably washing up, too, he thought to himself. So he made himself a drink, fed his dog, did a few other mundane chores and tried to call her again.

Still there was no answer, but Jim did receive an email. And he just knew that it had to be Lynn.

It wasn’t.

The message came from some anonymous source at an address Jim had never seen before. It was completely devoid of text except for the title of its only attachment, a video file labeled simply “Jim Williams.”

His heart sank, but he reluctantly scanned the file and opened it. And there he was in all his glory: recorded by Lynn while he “rubbed one out” in front of her.

Then the phone rang. Jim didn’t recognize the number on his caller ID, but answered it since it had to be Lynn this time.

It wasn’t.

On the other end was a man with a high-pitched voice who sounded Asian to Jim, but he wasn’t interested in accents. He was interested in what the man just told him: that unless he paid him $10,000, his video would be sent to all of his Facebook friends and family members.

One of whom was his wife.

Jim’s story is a tragic one because, for most of us, coming up with $10K quickly and then trusting some stranger to delete your naughty video—the same stranger who made the video and is now extorting money from you—would be extremely difficult. And with no real laws governing the internet, you couldn’t count on the authorities to help. Short of being tight with a skilled computer hacker—maybe one that owes you a favor—you would be screwed.

Just like poor Jim Williams.

Online sex scamming is a growing problem all over the world, and it’s only going to get worse. In 2012, fifty such cases were reported in Singapore alone, and even that was eleven more than the year before. And we’re talking about Singapore, a small island nation. Imagine how widespread this problem is in the United States or even Europe!

Don’t let identity theft happen to you (property of Kenney Hegland)

Incidentally, police in Singapore just busted a ring of scam artists who do precisely what I described in the cautionary tale of Jim Williams. And Graham Cluley of the web security firm Sophos points out that in cases like Jim’s, there is another danger.

“You can imagine how a man, believing he is being seduced online by a sexy woman, might be all too eager to click on a link she suggests or run a malicious program on his computer,” Cluley posted to his blog. “Before he knows it, his computer could be under the control of a hacker.”

And if that happens, a video of your wiener won’t be your biggest problem; identity theft will.

So the next time you get a friend request from a sexy young woman you don’t know, gentlemen, please think twice about accepting it. The same goes for exposing yourself to strangers online. It may seem fun and dangerous and erotic and thrilling—especially if you engage in true “cyber sex” (which doesn’t mean putting something in your computer’s USB port that’s more flesh drive than flash drive)—but the consequences could be devastating. Either keep your face and all distinguishing features, objects or furnishings hidden, or don’t do it at all.

You just never know who’s liable to see it.

Daddy was a Cop Killer

Nancy has her day in court (courtesy of the Federal Bureau of Prisons)

In March 2007, Ronell Wilson was sentenced to death for killing two police officers, James Nemorin and Rodney Andrews, during a gun sale  on Staten Island. At the time, he was the first person in half a century to receive the death penalty in this city. But due to some procedural errors, Wilson’s sentence was overturned in 2010 and a new jury will soon determine whether his original death sentence will be carried out or not.

In other words, Wilson has an equal chance of facing life in prison.

This may not sound much better, but when you consider what Wilson has been doing behind bars, some of you will likely change your minds.

In a federal complaint filed Tuesday, 29-year-old prison guard Nancy Gonzalez was accused of having sexual relations with two different inmates at the Metropolitan Detention Center in Brooklyn, New York. And you guessed it. One of her alleged lovers was none other than cop killer Ronell Wilson.

But there’s more: Gonzalez is also eight months pregnant with Wilson’s baby.

This means that in addition to free room and board, educational opportunities and exercise equipment, Wilson also gets all the straight love he can handle. And we all know how hard that is to come by in the clink.

Wilson’s on-site “booty calls” likely would have continued if Gonzalez hadn’t gotten pregnant in the first place. Of course, she hooked up with another inmate later and apparently told him all about her first affair behind bars. According to the federal complaint, she told the inmate that she “took a chance because [she] was so vulnerable and wanted to be loved.” Gonzalez also said that getting pregnant and having the baby was a way to give Wilson “some kind of hope.”

Does this turn you on, baby? (AP)

Give me a break. Or to quote comedian Jerry Seinfeld, “Moses smell the roses.” What a load of you-know-what.

Fortunately, no one bought what Gonzalez was selling and she was arrested on suspicion of unlawful sexual abuse on a ward. I never heard of this before, but it must be serious because if convicted, Gonzalez could face as many as 15 years in prison (preferably one with all female guards). For now, however, she remains free after posting $150,000 bond.

You know… I never understood why they called it the “penal system,” but it’s starting to make a lot more sense…

Take My Breath Away

Michael Hutchence of INXS (Photo credit: {impossible princess})

This may be a stupid question, but when are people who derive sexual pleasure from asphyxiation going to learn?

When only one person is involved, this fetish is known as autoerotic asphyxiation and it involves someone restricting their air supply, depriving their brain of oxygen and intensifying sexual pleasure. Apparently this can produce some kind of hallucinogenic state capable of making orgasms feel as powerful and addictive as a cocaine buzz.

Of course, I’ll never know because choking yourself to get off sexually sounds as dumb as taking a gasoline bath beside a bonfire. And I guess I’m still a little upset about one of erotic asphyxiation’s victims, former INXS front man Michael Hutchence.

The Australian music group INXS rocketed to stardom in the late 1980s when their hallmark album Kick took the world by storm. I was in high school at the time and songs like “I Need You Tonight” and “New Sensation” helped form the soundtrack of what I now know were the best years of my life. That sounds a little cheesy to me, but it’s true nonetheless.

The group dropped off my radar for a while in the 1990s and sadly, they resurfaced when Michael Hutchence was found dead in his Sydney hotel room. At first, his death was ruled a suicide since he was found hanging in the closet. I found this very disturbing since he basically had to kneel down to die. All he had to do was stand up to save himself, but he wanted to die so badly that he never even bothered. Drugs and alcohol were involved, of course, but Michael had to be severely depressed to do such a thing.

Man, that really freaked me out at the time. I later heard that he used a snake-skin belt to hang himself from the hotel door and broke the buckle from straining so hard, but that didn’t make his death any less upsetting. And when Hutchence’s ex-lover and baby mama Paula Yates claimed his death may have been caused by autoerotic asphyxiation in 1999, my heart sank even further. I still miss you, Mike.

Another talented performer fell victim to this kinky fetish in 2009. That’s when the body of actor David Carradine was discovered in a Bangkok hotel. He was hanging naked in the closet (go figure) and had recently ejaculated, which led medical examiners to suggest that autoerotic asphyxiation may have been involved. And when two of his ex-wives confirmed that he had an interest in sexual self-bondage, there could be little doubt. Carradine was trying to intensify his orgasm and instead succeeded in making this “money shot” his last.

David Carradine liked it kinky (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I never knew the guy, and he certainly wasn’t a celebrity, but I remember hearing about British MI6 code breaker Gareth Williams in the summer of 2010. He was found dead and locked inside a North Face duffel bag in his London apartment. Oddly enough, the keys were found in the bag with him.

At first, authorities suspected foul play in Williams’ death because the coroner claimed he could not have locked himself in the bag. Someone else had to be responsible, so rumors about the possible culprit ran rampant and a full-blown investigation ensued. Several suspects were questioned but unfortunately, the killer was never found… at least not at first.

A later investigation revealed that it was indeed possible for Williams to lock himself in the bag. An Army sergeant demonstrated a technique for doing so and local authorities were able to successfully replicate the stunt on numerous occasions.

The investigation also revealed that Williams frequently visited self-bondage websites and enjoyed being enclosed in small areas, a condition known as claustrophilia. And since he was alone at the time of his death, authorities now believe that autoerotic asphyxiation may have been involved. In other words, Williams was the killer they had been searching for, only his death was likely accidental. Well, sort of.

People who engage in this risky and life-threatening practice have to know there’s a chance they could die from it. Yet they still can’t help themselves and eventually, someone ends up dead in a hotel closet. I mean, wasn’t David Carradine aware of Michael Hutchence’s untimely demise and the rumor that autoerotic asphyxiation may have been to blame?

I trust that none of you enjoy choking yourselves in the interest of sexual gratification. But if you do and won’t cease and desist based solely on these stories of others who didn’t survive the practice, then please take my advice: do it somewhere other than a hotel. And for heaven’s sake, stay the heck out of the closet!

The Secret Life of a Former Olympian

Suzy Favor Hamilton: All-American Girl

TheSmokingGun.com recently reported on three-time U.S. Olympic mid-distance runner Suzy Favor Hamilton and her secret “double life” as a Las Vegas escort.

Working under the name Kelly Lundy, 44-year-old Favor Hamilton was paid upwards of $600 an hour for her call girl services. A full day would set clients back a cool six grand.

After a highly decorated NCAA career, Favor Hamilton competed in the 1992, 1996 and 2000 Olympics. Although she never won a medal, she did enjoy lucrative endorsement deals with the likes of Nike, Reebok, Clairol, Oakley, Pert Plus and even Disney.

Favor Hamilton and her husband also ran a real estate firm in Wisconsin. So she wasn’t hurting for money. But then she tried working as a call girl and something took hold of her. She spent time in Chicago, Los Angeles, Houston and eventually landed in Las Vegas, the Mecca for women practicing the world’s oldest profession.

Unfortunately for Favor Hamilton, she couldn’t help telling some of her high-paying clients about her Olympic exploits and revealing her true identity. And lo and behold, one of them talked to the media and the truth came out. Go figure.

As Vegas escort Kelly Lundy

So Favor Hamilton issued a statement that is apologetic and accepts responsibility for her “highly irrational choices” and “huge mistakes.” I can respect this move since she is a public figure, as much as a mid-distance runner can be, and since she may have some young fans out there who feel betrayed or confused by her actions.

However, it’s hard for me to believe this kind of public statement should be expected from Favor Hamilton or any other “celebrity” (major or minor). What these people choose to do in their personal lives is their own business. Sure, it would be nice if they selected legal pursuits that didn’t involve sex with strangers for money, but to each his (or her) own.

Favor Hamilton only forgot one important detail that could have prevented this whole sordid situation… one vital feature of any secret life: discretion. Replacing it with Olympic bragging obviously wasn’t the best idea.

Munch on This!

Could kinky candy be next? (courtesy of J.V. Altharas/www.sexualdarkage.com)

In a progressive move, even by higher education standards, Harvard University has just approved a new student group devoted to none other than kinky sex.

According to the school website, Harvard College Munch promotes “a positive and accurate understanding of alternative sexualities and kink on campus, as well as to create a space where college-age adults may reach out to their peers and feel accepted in their own sexuality.”

When it comes to human sexuality, “kink” is normally confused with S&M and bondage. However, it actually applies to a range of alternative sexual practices, including spanking, fetishes, dominance, submission, tickling and yes, even bondage and sadomasochism. The term “munch” is used to describe a safe, low-pressure social gathering for people interested in kinky or alternative sex.

The truth of the matter (courtesy of addacover.com)

I can’t say that I’m a practitioner of kinky sex and wouldn’t admit it here even if I was, but I commend the students behind HC Munch for addressing this issue in such a safe, considerate and thoughtful way. The group seems to be open-minded and will not tolerate abusive behavior, discrimination or hazing. In fact, they have even developed a color-coding system for their group announcements: blue events are open to the public, red events are for members only and gray events are unofficial, to name a few.

Whether you agree with kinky sex or not, the fact of the matter is that it’s here to stay and will likely only grow in popularity. Our world is connected more than ever through technology and everyone, including those viewed by some as being sexually deviant, can find their niche.

In other words, kinky sex is global, but at least there are students interested in examining it from a responsible and meaningful perspective. Munch on, Harvard!

Violating Elmo

Kevin Clash in Elmo (courtesy of IMDB)

The puppeteer behind “Sesame Street’s” Elmo is taking a leave of absence from the show amid allegations that he had an inappropriate relationship with a 16-year-old boy. Kevin Clash denies the accusations and plans to take action quickly “to protect his reputation.”

“I had a relationship with (the accuser),” Clash told NBC News. “It was between two consenting adults and I am deeply saddened that he is trying to make it into something it was not.”

Sesame Workshop took the allegations very seriously and conducted an investigation that could not substantiate the accuser’s claims. However, they did acknowledge that Clash “exercised poor judgment and violated company policy regarding Internet usage,” and also that he “was disciplined.”

It is possible these allegations are false, but the fact they went public means the damage is already done. And the fact that Clash spends each working day with his hand up Elmo’s ass doesn’t bode well for him, either. For the sake of the kids, though, I hope he can clear his name soon.

Protein Shake Gone Wrong

The right kind of protein shake (Photo credit: kaysha)

In January 2010, an Orange County, California man named Michael Lallana did the unthinkable to one of his attractive co-workers at Northwestern Mutual Financial Network in Newport Beach: he entered her office, grabbed her water bottle and ejaculated into it.

As gross as this is, even nastier is the fact that Tiffany (the victim) actually drank the water and felt sick. She wasn’t sure why and must have forgotten about it shortly thereafter.

Three months later, after Michael and Tiffany were transferred to a different branch, he did the exact same thing again. And yet again, Tiffany drank the water and felt sick. But this time, she decided to send the water to a lab to have it tested.

Once Tiffany learned that the substance in the water making her sick was semen, she immediately contacted police. DNA tests confirmed that Lallana was the culprit and he was immediately taken into custody, convicted and sentenced to six months in jail and three years of probation.

Late last week, Orange County judges denied Lallana’s appeal and upheld his original conviction. He is also required to register as a sex offender and must pay Tiffany more than $20,000 in restitution.

Is it possible that people this pathetic and sexually deviant exist? Actually, don’t answer that because it’s obvious they do. What a freak!