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Pray for Argentina

Cars and garbage containers lay piled up after flash flooding caused damage overnight in Buenos Aires, Argentina, Tuesday, April 2, 2013.

The damage is pretty extensive (courtesy of the Associated Press)

My father and basically everyone on his side of the family came from the South American country of Argentina, so I always pay attention to news stories originating from my “second home.” In fact, I probably have more family there than I do in the United States!

Sadly, the latest story from Argentina is a tragic one.

Earlier this week, citizens of this wonderful nation experienced torrential rainfall that reached more than 13 inches in only a 12-hour period. And from what I understand, this is more rain than they normally receive in the entire month of April!

What makes this story so sad isn’t the heavy rain and flooding caused by this unusual storm system; it’s the fact that almost 50 people have died as a result, most of them in the city of La Plata outside the capital, Buenos Aires. Of course, at least eight people died in that city, as well.

Since most of my family lives in Buenos Aires, my fingers are crossed that none of them were affected by this storm or worse, injured as a result. I haven’t heard anything, though, so at least that’s a good sign.

The good news is that the Argentine president, Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner, is on the scene and assures resident in these affected areas that they can count on government support. Additional police patrols have also been added so flood victims will be safe. We all know that when something like this happens, looters seem to come out of the woodwork.

What it all boils down to is this: if you’re the religious type, please send some prayers to the people of Argentina and the families of those claimed by this terrible storm. I, for one, would really appreciate it.

Thieves Make Asses of Themselves

Donkey

Could this be the new face of law enforcement? (courtesy of Silvia Otte/Getty Images)

In any good film about thieves attempting to pull off the perfect crime, the anti-heroes stay one step ahead of the cops using sophisticated methods, cutting-edge technology and well-planned strategy.

In real life, however, the opposite is usually true. Instead of savvy jewel thieves sneaking into the bedrooms of the rich and pilfering grandmother’s pearls, we end up with ignorant, misguided nuts attempting to hold up bank tellers with bananas or cell phones.

Fortunately, the stupidity of criminals isn’t limited to just the USA. It’s an international phenomenon that makes law enforcement officials everywhere scratch their heads in disbelief on a regular basis.

Take the latest “crime spree” from our Colombian friends in South America.

Yesterday morning in the small Colombian town of Juan de Acosta, three criminals went on a rampage that began with the theft of Xavi, a 10-year-old donkey. Their plan was to use Xavi as a pack mule (in a manner of speaking) and getaway vehicle.

You read that right: a getaway vehicle. That makes about as much sense as strapping turtles to your feet before a marathon, but perhaps it’s a cultural thing.

At any rate, the three criminal masterminds broke into a grocery store in the wee hours of the morning, stole a bunch of food and booze, loaded it onto Xavi and tried to flee with their booty.

Xavi would have nothing of it, though.

How Colombian police could level the playing field

According to reports, the stolen donkey started to bray loudly as the men made their “speedy” getaway. The police heard the noise and found Xavi loaded down with loot, but the thieves were nowhere to be found. They apparently cut out on foot once their getaway vehicle started bellowing.

For now, Xavi is being held by police as an accessory to the robbery and could face some serious jail time if convicted.

I’m kidding.

The donkey was detained for 12 hours by police, but is now safely back at home with his proud owner. However, the three men who tried to force Xavi into a life of crime remain at large.

Given the intelligent nature of their latest caper, however, I doubt they pose any real threat to the community. And if they learned anything from this miserable failure of a robbery, I hope it’s that next time, a horse might be preferable to a donkey.

At least that way there will be only three asses on the team instead of four.

Ass Men everywhere rejoice!

Some of the gorgeous contestants (property of Miss Bumbum 2012)

Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder. And in Brazil, feminine beauty is often judged by one impressive feature: a big, curvy rear end.

Enter the Miss Bumbum Pageant, an annual competition used to determine who has the cutest butt in the nation.

This year, contestants from all over the South American country will converge on Sao Paolo for the grand finale of this popular contest. Fifteen finalists will do battle with their luscious butts until a winner is finally crowned “in the end.”

It should be quite a show, especially for ass men like me. Too bad they don’t need more judges!

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