Monthly Archives: September 2012

Confessions of the “Speed Freak” killer


Speed Freak Killers (courtesy of AP and San Quentin)

In the 1980s and 1990s, the San Joaquin Valley of California was terrorized by the “Speed Freakserial killers, as methamphetamine freaks Wesley Shermantine and Loren Herzog came to be known. Together, their body count stands at 22, mostly young women and girls, but could rise to 70 or more once all is said and done.

The killers were finally caught in 2001 and convicted of multiple murders. Shermantine remains in prison, while Herzog served 11 years and then hung himself this past January. Unfortunately, anything Herzog knew about his victims’ burial places went with him to the grave. And until recently, Shermantine wasn’t talking.

Now it appears things have changed. A bounty hunter offered Shermantine some cash for information of his victims’ whereabouts and he took the deal. The scribbled maps he drew led authorities to the remains of five victims, finally bringing some closure for their grieving families.

Shermantine continues to map locations for authorities and has even visited some of the sites under armed guard. The results of these “probes” have yet to be released, but the families of still-undiscovered victims are hopeful.

“I want to get her out of wherever she is,” said Sue Kizer, the mother of 18-year-old victim Gayle Marks. “We’re tired of waiting.”

The wait may soon be over thanks to the very man responsible for these heinous crimes. Life is nothing if not ironic.

Economy up, Romney down

Caricature by DonkeyHotey.

Is this it for Mitt? (caricature by DonkeyHotey)

Senator John McCain said recently that American hopes for continued improvement in the economy hurt Mitt Romney‘s chances of being the next Commander-in-Chief. If anything, they will help propel President Obama back into office.

This news brings one very obvious word to mind: DUH!

I’m no political pundit and have never considered myself to be well-versed in the areas of government or politics, but how is this any different from all the news we’ve been hearing since the presidential campaign began?

Romney’s focus has always been on the economy and how he can improve it faster than his competitor. Sure, he turned his sights on foreign affairs once “The Innocence of Muslims“caused international violence and controversy, but only out of desperation. If your economic arguments won’t fly, then why not try a different approach?

November is right around the corner and in almost every poll, Romney is lagging behind President Obama, even in battleground states like Ohio and North Carolina. Granted, polls are nothing more than predictors and have been unreliable in determining final election results, but they do have some value. The people being polled are Americans who share their opinions, after all.

Of course, there are polls that show Romney closing in on Obama, but they are few and far between. It certainly seems like Romney is on the ropes. And statements like the ones from Senator McCain seem more like GOP excuses for what could end up being a serious butt-kicking a few months from now.

I wonder what they’re going to say next…

Keg stands for babies

Baby Keg Stand Arizona Asu

Youngest fraternity pledge ever or victim of cross-generational peer pressure?

ABC Phoenix recently reported on a disturbing photograph of a small child taking a keg stand at an Arizona State University tailgating party.

As you might imagine, local residents are not happy.

The photograph, taken by an outraged eyewitness, went viral this week. Authorities are still investigating, but the child’s parents claim the photo was staged. ASU released the following statement earlier:

ASU Police are looking into the posted photo. It’s not clear if this is a joke or an actual event that occurred. Police are contacting the website that displayed the photo to see if they can determine who posted it.

I like to think this was all some misguided joke. A child that young couldn’t be taking keg stands and chugging beer, could he? Even if that was the intention of these ASU tailgaters, they couldn’t be dumb enough to do it in front of strangers with cameras, right?

Wrong. And this picture is the proof.

To those of you responsible for this negligence, I urge you to give this kid a juice box and let him stay with a sitter for the next game. If he grows up and also attends ASU someday, then he’ll have plenty of chances for keg stands later, I assure you.

Ass Men everywhere rejoice!

Some of the gorgeous contestants (property of Miss Bumbum 2012)

Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder. And in Brazil, feminine beauty is often judged by one impressive feature: a big, curvy rear end.

Enter the Miss Bumbum Pageant, an annual competition used to determine who has the cutest butt in the nation.

This year, contestants from all over the South American country will converge on Sao Paolo for the grand finale of this popular contest. Fifteen finalists will do battle with their luscious butts until a winner is finally crowned “in the end.”

It should be quite a show, especially for ass men like me. Too bad they don’t need more judges!

Suicide accidentally broadcast by Fox News

The victim (property of Fox News)

GRAPHIC: Carjacker Shoots Self On Live Television At End Of High-Speed Chase | Mediaite.

Those of you who get squeamish or offended easily may not want to click on this link or view this terrible video.

Fox News broadcast live footage of a carjacker being pursued by police in rural Arizona. Eventually, the criminal pulled onto a dirt road, got out with gun in hand, and took off on foot. All the while, the “eye in the sky” news helicopter followed him closely.

The unidentified man staggered down the sandy road, stood behind a grassy embankment and did something no one could have anticipated.

He put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger. On live television, no less.

Host Shephard Smith yelled for the footage to be stopped, but everyone watched as the carjacker’s lifeless body crumbled to the ground. It was quite surreal.

Smith apologized, Fox apologized and people are moving past it, but this is a terrible thing to see on television. Pay-per-view, maybe, but not network.

Schwarzenegger comes clean

Cover of "Red Sonja"

Red Sonja

The Associated Press just reported that Arnold Schwarzenegger admitted to having a “hot affair” with semi-talented actress Brigitte Nielsen during the 1985 filming of “Red Sonja.” He and Maria Shriver were dating and even living together at the time.

This comes as no surprise since Arnold’s marital problems with Maria have been well-documented and include an affair with a live-in housekeeper that spawned a love child.

It seems that poor Arnold just can’t keep his “bald bodybuilder” in the gym, if you know what I mean.

Sadly, I can understand why Arnold hooked up with Brigitte. Anyone who has seen “Red Sonja” knows that it barely qualifies as entertainment. And since so little skill and effort were put into its production, the actors likely had nothing better to do than “bump uglies.”

It beats the hell out of standing around and doing nothing, right? Of course, I’m sure Maria would disagree. She was sitting at home and waiting for Arnold to return, after all.

Having been a fan of Schwarzenegger since just after “Pumping Iron,” which didn’t appeal to me given all the man ass and sausage-packed Speedos, I am trying to understand why he simply cannot control himself. At heart, I know Arnold is a good person. He has a big ego and can be quite arrogant, of course, but he’s still a decent man. So that’s not the problem.

I also know Arnold is mounting a cinematic comeback that includes his recent appearance in “Expendables 2,” as well as a starring role in Kim Jee-woon‘s action film “The Last Stand,” due to hit theaters next year.

Given all this information, I think I’ve finally figured this out.

Terminator (character)

Terminator (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Arnold is Arnold, so there will always be women chasing after him. Maybe not so many these days, but in his prime, I’m sure he was quite the chick magnet. And since Arnold is friendly and enjoys women, he indulges them. Sometimes things get sexual and he can’t stop himself. And why should be stop himself anyway? He’s Arnold freaking Schwarzenegger!

Unfortunately, it’s the post-coitus period that causes Arnold’s problems. With so much blood directed away from his brain, he gets a little dizzy and disoriented. Catch phrases from his past films are all he can remember, so he tells each woman, “I’ll be back.” And since he’s such a nice guy, he keeps true to his word.

Hey, it’s as good an explanation as any!

Jimmy Hoffa found?

Jimmy Hoffa

Jimmy Hoffa (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A man dying of cancer in Roseville, Michigan, recently told authorities that the body of former Teamsters boss Jimmy Hoffa might be buried beneath a driveway in suburban Detroit.

Hoffa disappeared more than 35 years ago under very mysterious circumstances, but his body was never found. And conspiracy theories about his ultimate demise abound. Was Hoffa murdered by mobsters and encased in the cement foundation of Giants Stadium? Was he dumped in a swamp? Dissolved in acid?

No one really knows. And none of these “leads” have ever panned out.

Is it possible this could change given this new discovery? Most law enforcement officials think not, but there is an investigation underway.

Last week, authorities used ground-penetrating radar on the site and discovered an anomaly in the soil below. This indicated that yes, the ground had been disturbed at some point. Soil samples are now being collected to determine if a decomposed body is buried there.

“We are not claiming it’s Jimmy Hoffa because the timeline doesn’t add up,” explained Roseville Police Chief James Berlin. “We’re investigating a body that may be at the location.”

Whether or not this is really Jimmy Hoffa’s burial place remains to be seen, but additional information should be available soon.

Jimmy Hoffa was last seen leaving a restaurant outside Detroit in July 1975 and getting into a car with a Teamsters boss and a mafia captain. The dying man who thinks Hoffa’s body is buried under that driveway said that he saw several men burying a large black bag in that location shortly after Hoffa’s disappearance.

Frame 352 from the film, alleged to depict a f...

Bigfoot (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Although I hope this brings an end to the mystery surrounding Hoffa’s disappearance, I’m fairly certain he will never be found. It’s been 35 years and endless leads have been investigated, but still nothing has ever been found. Whoever disposed of his body did a thorough job and I seriously doubt they buried him under a driveway in suburbia.

Of course, I’ll still be waiting for the results of the investigation with great anticipation. And if it really is Hoffa, we can finally put his case to rest and focus on solving another mystery.

Watch out, Bigfoot, because you might be next!

A Father’s Worst Nightmare

Tyler in his high school yearbook (courtesy of New Fairfield High School)

Early this morning in New Fairfield, Connecticut, Jeffrey Giuliano was sleeping soundly when his neighbor called in a panic. It was after midnight and she was all alone when she heard a strange noise.

It sounded like someone was trying to break into her house.

Giuliano immediately grabbed his gun and went outside to investigate. He crept quietly through the yard, came around the corner of his neighbor’s house and saw a masked figure standing there. The figure came at him with something shiny in his hand, so Giuliano did what anyone would do in that situation.

He shot the stranger.

The police arrived around one o’clock and found Giuliano sitting on his neighbor’s lawn. They immediately checked the body and discovered a horrible truth: it was Giuliano’s own son, 15-year-old Tyler.

For now, no details are being released because the investigation is still underway. And we may never know what possessed Tyler to dress like a burglar, attempt a break-in next door to his home and attack his own father.

I suppose police could find a diary or speak with a friend who knew Tyler’s plans, but tragedies like this always seem to keep us guessing. The worst thing is that Jeffrey Giuliano may never know the truth. All he knows is that ultimately, he killed his own son. It was an accident, of course, but I doubt that brings him any comfort.

He still killed his own son.

As a father, I worry about my son’s well-being constantly. My mind is always running through worst-case scenarios, potential consequences, preventative measures, possible threats… any parents in the crowd undoubtedly know what I mean.

But to have your worst fears realized? Not only that, but to be responsible, however inadvertently, for your child’s death?

My heart truly goes out to Jeffrey Giuliano. And even though I know he may never forgive himself, I hope he gets answers to his questions soon. Maybe then he will find some peace.

UPDATE (Sept. 29, 2012): It turns out the “shiny object” in Tyler’s hand was indeed a knife. And no one has a clue why Tyler would do this, either, not even his friends from school. The night of this incident, Tyler spent some time talking on Skype and playing Minecraft online with his friend Brett. Around 10 p.m., Tyler excused himself and said he was going to bed. Next thing you know he’s dressed in black, wearing a mask, wielding a knife and breaking into homes. Something had to set him off…

Porn now easier to find

A new approach to sleaze (property of Search.XXX)

Registry Launches Search Engine for Porn | News & Opinion |

The ICM Registry just unveiled something that internet porn aficionados have likely wanted for years: a porn search engine.

Search.XXX is a new porn tool (no pun intended) that allows perverts from around the globe to scan through millions of pages of adult content bearing the .xxx domain.

This differs from simple porn searches using engines like Google or Yahoo because it doesn’t pander to advertisers. In other words, sites are not ranked lower in web searches simply because they offer less ad revenue.

Everyone with pictures of boobies, butts, hoohas and ding-dongs has an equal shot (not money shot) of being included in search results. Score one for pornographers everywhere!

Another interesting “non-feature” on Search.XXX is advertising. Gone are all the annoying offers and images you find on many porn sites. And there are also no pop-ups or other irritating distractions.

All you have is porn at your fingertips, at least until those fingertips drift off the mouse and start “interfacing” with your naughty bits and pieces.

Sadly, this new search engine won’t help me much because honestly, I’ve probably seen all the 21 million pages of adult content Search.XXX has to offer.

I will wait patiently for the first update, though.

Julian Assange criticizes Obama over free speech

Assange embassy plan

Assange embassy plan (Photo credit: Bedeh)

Julian Assange lashes out at Obamas UN free speech comments +video –

Founder of WikiLeaks and fugitive from justice, Julian Assange, recently criticized American President Barack Obama for comments he made to the United Nations about free speech.

Assange is upset because Obama spoke about free speech in the Arab world, at least in the context of the violence that erupted after the controversial film “The Innocence of Muslims” appeared on YouTube. In his view, Obama has “done more to criminalize free speech than any other U.S. president.”

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe Obama defended the right to free speech while also condemning “The Innocence of Muslims,” which he made clear did not represent the opinions of all Americans or even our government. In fact, I believe he’s referred to this film as “repugnant” on more than one occasion.

I’m no expert on the Assange situation, either, but I’m fairly certain he was persecuted not for sharing information freely, but for releasing classified information that could be threatening to America’s national security. If this was indeed the case, then I can completely understand Obama’s problem with Assange. Free speech is important, but so is the safety of our country’s citizens.

Of course, Assange also has the rape charge in Sweden to consider. Taking focus off of that isn’t a bad tactic, and I’m sure that’s what Assange is trying to do.

All of this strikes me as kind of funny since right now, Assange is trapped in the Ecuadorian Embassy in England. If he so much as steps out for a breath of fresh air, British authorities will immediately arrest him and ship him to Sweden to face the music.

If I were Assange, then I would probably try to shift some attention to Obama, too. And who knows? Maybe he can distract enough people and finally mount some kind of escape from his self-inflicted captivity.

At least then he would get a break from all that Ecuadorian food, which must be getting old by now!

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