The Year of the Fart
Why do farts stink? So even the deaf can enjoy them, too.
How can you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose? When she farts, her ankles swell.
Laugh and the world laughs with you; fart and they will stop laughing.
Despite being rather crude, fart jokes are funny, popular and timeless. They have been around for as long as I can remember. And while I can’t recall many of them, I always enjoy hearing them from friends and family members.
This year hasn’t seen an increase in fart jokes, but farts in general have been in the news much more frequently. Here are some of the stinkiest stories to grace the headlines in 2012.
16-year-old high school student Shaakira Dorsey teased one of her classmates for farting in class and a fight broke out. Before her stepfather could break things up, Dorsey collapsed and was rushed to the hospital, where she was pronounced dead. Her attacker has been charged with murder and will appear in court next week. And it’s all because of something we all do naturally: pass gas, poot, fart, float air biscuits… take your pick.
Last month, Orlando Magic basketball star Dwight Howard was traded to the Los Angeles Lakers. When asked what he would miss most about Howard, Magic forward Glen Davis said, “The thing we’re going to miss most about Dwight is his farting ability. He can fart loud.” This echoes a similar comment from Magic coach Stan Van Gundy in 2009. Because of Howard’s “pungent power,” Van Gundy implemented a no-flatulence rule since Howard “likes to cut the cheese.”
I always wondered why professional basketball players made slam dunking the ball look so easy. They have extra propulsion. Duh!
Also this month was a truly bizarre farting story that shut down a suburban street and almost led to the evacuation of its residents.
Eric Wilson is a husband and father with a taste for bean burritos. One evening, as he sat in his living room after another delicious meal, Wilson farted. Within seconds, his wife and kids smelled it and mistook it for a gas leak. Wilson denied that he farted, so his lady called the police to report the leak. They came, closed off the street, talked about bringing in army support and almost evacuated the neighborhood. Finally, Wilson confessed to farting and apologized to his family, the authorities and his community.
Prior to his record-breaking free fall from a high-altitude balloon capsule over the New Mexico desert, doctors placed daredevil Felix Baumgartner on a low fiber diet to prevent flatulence during his jumps. Apparently, ripping a fart could be disastrous, presumably by shifting pressure and causing Baumgartner to tumble uncontrollably. Or it could be the foul stench locked in his space suit that knocks him out and leaves him to plummet to his death.
I suspect it’s a combination of both.
Whatever the case may be, there is no denying that farts are big news these days. And rightfully so, since they are killing people (albeit indirectly), getting people in trouble with the law, helping athletes reach new heights and threatening to ground skydivers.
And that’s only this year, the so-called Year of the Fart. I’m afraid to know what next year will bring!
Posted on October 20, 2012, in Perspectives and tagged current-events, Dwight Howard, fart, Felix Baumgartner, Flatulence, funny, humor, Los Angeles Lakers, news, Orlando Magic, perspectives. Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.