Protecting Bieber’s Wiener

Bieber with a different kind of wiener (courtesy of Splash News)

According to KRQE News out of Albuquerque, New Mexico, authorities just thwarted a plot to kill and castrate pop music sensation Justin Bieber.

I’m sure tween girls everywhere breathed a collective sigh of relief knowing Bieber’s ding dong will remain intact, at least for the time being.

The plot began with Dana Martin, a convicted murderer currently serving two life sentences for raping and killing a 15-year-old girl in Vermont more than a decade ago.

While in the clink, Martin enlisted the aid of two fellow inmates to help him carry out several murders, including that of Justin Bieber, a star with whom he is obsessed. Martin even has a tattoo of the singer on his leg.

The plan was for recently released inmate Mark Staake and his nephew Tanner Ruane to nab Bieber and his bodyguard at his Madison Square Garden show, strangle them with paisley neck ties (Martin’s calling card) and then castrate them both.

Fortunately for Justin, the plan was foiled when Staake was picked up in Vermont on outstanding warrants. In an even stranger turn of events, Martin then decided to spill the beans to authorities, who later recorded phone calls in which he and Ruane discussed the murder plot.

New York police arrested Ruane soon after and even discovered pruning shears and other murder tools in his possession. In other words, he seemed more than prepared to carry out the murderous plan.

For now, however, Bieber’s wiener is safe. And none of us have to worry about it “popping up” in the stocking stuffer section of eBay. No pun intended, of course.

Posted on December 13, 2012, in Music, Perspectives and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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