Thieves Make Asses of Themselves


Could this be the new face of law enforcement? (courtesy of Silvia Otte/Getty Images)

In any good film about thieves attempting to pull off the perfect crime, the anti-heroes stay one step ahead of the cops using sophisticated methods, cutting-edge technology and well-planned strategy.

In real life, however, the opposite is usually true. Instead of savvy jewel thieves sneaking into the bedrooms of the rich and pilfering grandmother’s pearls, we end up with ignorant, misguided nuts attempting to hold up bank tellers with bananas or cell phones.

Fortunately, the stupidity of criminals isn’t limited to just the USA. It’s an international phenomenon that makes law enforcement officials everywhere scratch their heads in disbelief on a regular basis.

Take the latest “crime spree” from our Colombian friends in South America.

Yesterday morning in the small Colombian town of Juan de Acosta, three criminals went on a rampage that began with the theft of Xavi, a 10-year-old donkey. Their plan was to use Xavi as a pack mule (in a manner of speaking) and getaway vehicle.

You read that right: a getaway vehicle. That makes about as much sense as strapping turtles to your feet before a marathon, but perhaps it’s a cultural thing.

At any rate, the three criminal masterminds broke into a grocery store in the wee hours of the morning, stole a bunch of food and booze, loaded it onto Xavi and tried to flee with their booty.

Xavi would have nothing of it, though.

How Colombian police could level the playing field

According to reports, the stolen donkey started to bray loudly as the men made their “speedy” getaway. The police heard the noise and found Xavi loaded down with loot, but the thieves were nowhere to be found. They apparently cut out on foot once their getaway vehicle started bellowing.

For now, Xavi is being held by police as an accessory to the robbery and could face some serious jail time if convicted.

I’m kidding.

The donkey was detained for 12 hours by police, but is now safely back at home with his proud owner. However, the three men who tried to force Xavi into a life of crime remain at large.

Given the intelligent nature of their latest caper, however, I doubt they pose any real threat to the community. And if they learned anything from this miserable failure of a robbery, I hope it’s that next time, a horse might be preferable to a donkey.

At least that way there will be only three asses on the team instead of four.

Posted on January 25, 2013, in Perspectives and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. I always get a kick out of these, I bet if the local cops search the facebook accounts of the local thugs they’ll probably find out who did and have photos to boot! 😉

  2. Getaway Donkey – I can see a film in this – idiots!

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