Mullet of the Amish
When I think of the Amish, I imagine a lot of simple, oddly dressed Christians raising barns and living without the conveniences of modern technology. While our society decays from within–from violence, death, taxes and everything else that plagues us–the Amish live quietly and peacefully.
Until now, that is.
On Friday, the leader of a rogue Amish group in Bergholz, Ohio was sentenced to 15 years in prison. His crime: ordering his followers–even his own children–to commit hair-cutting attacks against rival Amish communities.
And get this: his name is Samuel Mullet.
Although these attacks weren’t designed to promote this “business in the front, party in the back” hairstyle, they were “hate crimes” since the Amish forbid women to cut their hair and ask that all Amish men grow beards beginning at marriage.
Mullet never attacked anyone himself, but he did have his people attack five different targets and forcibly cut their hair. In many ways, I guess you could call him an Amish Charles Manson, only murder and race war weren’t his goals. Mullet was lashing out at other Amish because of their personal and religious differences.
Unfortunately for Samuel, none of that matters any more and his next 15 years will pass behind bars. It might as well be a life sentence for the 67-year-old alleged Amish cult leader.
“I’m going to take the punishment for everybody,” Mullet told the court following his sentencing. “I’m not going to be here much longer.”
I, for one, hope that he’s wrong. Samuel needs to pay for his crimes, behave and get out on good behavior. It’s only a matter of time before mullets come back into fashion. And with his name and hair-related background, I can’t think of a more qualified spokesman than Sammy Mullet to lead the charge.