My Funny Valentine

Dysfunctional candy hearts (property of Brian at Shoeboxblog.com)

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner and it’s likely some of the guys out there are scrambling to find gifts for their ladies as we speak.

Actually, there could be guys shopping for guys and girls shopping for girls, too. Sorry for the oversight.

Whatever the situation, odds are that businesses peddling things like candy, flowers, greeting cards and jewelry are doing pretty good right now. And that, to me, is the problem.

I’ve never been a big fan of Valentine’s Day and honestly, I don’t know many men who are. It’s not because I always forget it and have been subjected to years of abuse from disappointed girlfriends. Far from it. My objection comes from the holiday’s most obvious feature: blatant commercialism.

People always complain about how commercial Christmas has become, but if you ask me, Valentine’s Day is worse. At least Christmas is based on deeply held religious beliefs. Valentine’s Day has no such basis, so we’ve been told it’s all about love. And that’s true. It is about love.

Love of the almighty dollar.

But don’t let me spoil it for you. Go ahead and buy your candy, make your dinner reservations and dry clean your finest–maybe even sexiest–outfits. And just to be true to the spirit of this “important” holiday, I offer some plans that others are making for V-Day this year. Enjoy!

SOUTH BURLINGTON, VERMONT

The Humane Society of Chittenden County is offering a unique gift for Valentine’s Day this year: puppy grams. For a small fee, lovers can send their mates roses, chocolates and a note from a puppy eager for adoption.

I bet you thought actual puppies were being packed up and delivered, didn’t you?

Regardless of whether these puppies are adopted or not–which we all know they will be–a portion of each sale goes back to the HSCC. If nothing else, perhaps these donations can prevent some of the older dogs from being put to sleep. At least not until after Valentine’s Day, that is.

Show your sweetheart you love them (courtesy of 8cpassport.com)

ORLANDO, FLORIDA

Newlyweds James Jones and Melissa Degesso-Jones of Seminole County found an interesting way to come together for their first Valentine’s Day. James suffers from renal failure so this year, Melissa is planning to give him her kidney.

When James was told he needed a transplant from a matching donor, Melissa immediately volunteered (as any good wife would, I think). Of course, volunteering isn’t enough; the tissue has to match or the transplanted organ will be rejected and wasted. So doctors ran some tests and eventually, the results came back.

She was a match–in more ways than one, if you think about it.

How sweet is it for two lovers to come together, get married, exchange organs and come even closer together as a result? I can already feel my eyes tearing up.

SOUTHFIELD, MICHIGAN

If you live in Michigan and find yourself depressed this V-Day because your marriage is falling apart–especially if you’re low on cash and don’t have much in the way of children–there is hope.

The Law Offices of Walter H. Bentley III is running a contest where the grand prize is nothing less than… wait for it… a free divorce!

To enter, just write the most persuasive and compelling story to explain why you should win and submit it before the deadline. And who knows? Maybe this time next year it will be freedom that you celebrate along with love.

Happy Valentine’s Day, everybody!

Posted on February 11, 2013, in Perspectives and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. I think you’d appreciate this: http://www.despair.com/bittersweets.html
    Happy Valentine’s Day!

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