Bomb Dud-tectors

McCormick sold crap for cash (courtesy of Oli Scarff/Getty Images)

What do you get when you cross shrewd salesmanship with novelty golf ball finders?

If you’re James McCormick, you get upwards of $60 million dollars. That and a jail sentence, which should be coming soon.

British police arrested McCormick recently for selling a fraudulent bomb detection device—actually the “Gopher,” a novelty golf ball finder, with the label removed (and another added that read “Made in the UK“)—to governments and military personnel all over the world. For ten years, McCormick swindled and even bribed officials to purchase his “Advanced Detection Equipment” (ADE 651) in bulk.

An Iraqi general convinced his country’s law enforcement agencies to buy thousands of the bogus devices, some of which are still in use despite having only a random chance of detecting anything, much less a bomb.

“These devices contain absolutely nothing inside,” Detective Inspector Edward Heath explained. “There’s no laws of science or physics that could make them work.”

And Heath doesn’t think much of McCormick, either.

“He is a con man. He uses sleight of hand, absurd sales tactics to actually con governments, officials, private individuals out of money to buy this device.”

According to investigators, each ADE 651 costs McCormick roughly $60 to produce—the components were built separately around Great Britain and assembled at his farm in Somerset. McCormick then marketed his devices, “wheeled and dealed” and walked away with as much as $300,000 for a single unit.

Not bad considering all the lives this jackass put in harm’s way.

The bomb detector worth millions (courtesy of Avon and Somerset Police)

Just think about those poor cops or soldiers in war zones and violent “hot spots” all over the world. Faced with enemy mines or other explosives, they whip out their ADE 651s, scan the area, give the signal that everything is clear and them BAM!

A bomb blows them all to Kingdom Come… ADE 651s and all.

At the same time, McCormick is sipping champagne on his private yacht and cruising through the Mediterranean on the way to his summer home in Cyprus.

How do you punish someone so heartless, so greedy and, above all, so evil?

I know.

After seizing his assets, you take him out to a field somewhere—one that you transformed into a real-live mine field earlier in the day—hand him an ADE 651 and tell him that if he makes it across, he can go free.

Now if that’s not justice, I don’t know what is!

Posted on May 5, 2013, in Perspectives and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Great minds think alike I was going to suggest your punishment… Lol!

  2. I love your punishment. Let him have a taste of his own medicine.

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