Not a good idea!

Darts are meant to be thrown. So are balls, bouquets, punches and a host of other things.

People, on the other hand, are not.

Yet that is precisely what has been happening all over the country, if the recent news is any indication. Here are a few stories that prove—beyond a shadow of a doubt—just how dangerous throwing people can be.

Naquasia Ricks of New Haven, Connecticut somehow convinced 21-year-old Michael Carey to ride on the hood of his Chevy Cavalier last Saturday night. And who among us hasn’t done something equally as stupid in their youth?

Hell, I remember something very similar to this happening when I was in high school. A few friends and I were hanging out in the parking lot of the apartment complex where one of them lived with his mother. For whatever reason, my buddy Mike decided to jump on the hood of my friend Jon’s car while he was revving the engine—most likely bragging about how powerful his engine was and never suspecting it might be some kind of substitute for his penile deficiency, but I digress.

Mike was apparently joking around because the look on his face changed from joy to fear the split second Jon popped into gear and gunned it. He only went about five feet before hitting the brakes, but that was enough to send Mike flying. The poor bastard rolled across the edge of the parking lot—luckily on his ass and elbows more than anything—and tumbled into the grass. As you might imagine, he was very unhappy once he stood up and immediately went after Jon, who bobbed and weaved until they finally wrestled themselves to laughter.

We were fortunate that no one got hurt, but the same can’t be said for the other Michael in New Haven.

This is not Michael Carey, but you get the point (courtesy of Hugh DeMann)

Naquasia and Michael were playing a more dangerous game and, as far as I know, Michael was riding on the hood of the Cavalier at much higher speeds. Sadly, the same thing happened when Naquasia suddenly hit the brakes. Michael went flying and—I’m sad to say—found no soft grass on which to land.

Instead, he hurt himself badly and was rushed to the hospital, where he remains in critical condition. Investigators report that he was conscious and able to speak with them, so hopefully he will recover. An investigation is ongoing, but for now it appears Michael will be fine. Naquasia should worry, though— especially once Michael heals and starts wondering why his friend slammed on the brakes—but at least no one died.

And who among us hasn’t done stupid shit like this at least once in their lives?

“Not I,” said the fly.

THROWN! Michael from the Cavalier. With friends like Naquasia, who needs enemies?

The TFC Recycling Plant opened in Chester, Virginia over thirteen years ago. And during that time, accidents, disasters and other assorted craziness have been kept to a minimum.

Unfortunately, that all changed last Friday.

As several employees were sorting through a load of recyclables that morning, one of them noticed an old awning with something strange and rather disgusting under it: a decaying human body. The best description of the decomposing man came from a co-worker who described it simply as “bad stuff.”

Dead bodies may be biodegradable, but they’re still gross (courtesy of Ash Daniel)

The identity of the dead man has not yet been determined—police are attempting to contact his next of kin first. And given the suspicious nature of his death, an investigation into the gruesome discovery has been launched. Meanwhile, the management at TFC is helping witnesses cope with the traumatic situation.

I don’t know about you, but the trauma of seeing a dead body would be nothing compared to the stench! Yuck!

THROWN OUT! John Doe gets recycled rather than trashed. Is this supposed to be better for the environment or something?

Our final story comes from Largo, Florida and is just about as heartbreaking as they come.

Early Sunday morning, Karina Mora and her live-in boyfriend, Joel Adrian Cruz, rushed her 2-year-old daughter Anahie Fernandez to the hospital. The child had no obvious brain function and severe injuries to her chest, so the police were contacted and the couple was interviewed independently.

During his interview, 27-year-old Cruz eventually admitted to grabbing Anahie and throwing her into a chair and the wall. He was immediately detained and charged with aggravated child abuse, at least initially. Several hours later—and after hanging on until her family could fly in from Puerto Rico and New York—Anahie was removed from life support and passed.

The charge against Cruz now becomes first-degree murder and he is currently being held in the county jail. The investigation continues, but I know one thing for certain: if ever there were a more appropriate time to “throw the book at someone,” this would be it.

[Reaches down. Grabs soap box. Stands upon it.]

Baby killer Cruz (courtesy of WTSP)

Anyone capable of doing such a thing to a defenseless, two-year-old child—snuffing out a fragile and innocent young life—deserves the death penalty, if you ask me. Thankfully, Cruz lives in Florida, a state that has executed 75 prisoners since 1979 and won’t take kindly to a child killer. And if he is sentenced to death—which would normally mean lethal injection, unless the prisoner requested electrocution—I think Anahie’s family, including her biological father and grandparents, should make the final decision… to fry his ass.

[Stepping off soap box. Packing it neatly away. And we’re back.]

Sorry. I couldn’t help myself.

THROW THE BOOK AT HIM! Joel Adrian Cruz… a man incapable of controlling himself and choosing instead to unleash his aggression on a small child. May he finally realize the consequences of his actions moments before having an “electrifying” experience at Florida State Prison.

The moral of these stories, dear readers, should be obvious. Throw your voice, throw your back out, throw momma from the train… I’m kidding, of course… but never—under any circumstances—should you throw a person. Enough said.

Posted on May 7, 2013, in Perspectives and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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