Hottest Celebrity Beach Bodies 2013

Some celebs are so hot they should be arrested (from the film Spring Breakers; courtesy of

Some celebs are so hot they should be arrested (from the film Spring Breakers; courtesy of

The time has come again for me to be completely self-serving in terms of my testosterone-fueled heterosexuality. And even though the subject of this post is fairly predictable this time of year—everyone seems to focus on the best beach bodies as the summer approaches—I simply could not resist tossing my hat into the ring, too.

After all, one of my favorite subjects is women. I just love them too much to ignore them for very long on my blog. Call me sexist, chauvinistic, horny or a dirty old man if you like, but please know that only a few of these terms actually apply—the last two, to be exact.

Before we arrive at the slide show, however—which I assure you will keep you interested, especially if you’re a hot-blooded male like me—I would like to add a few disclaimers:

  • There is some nudity here, but only one bare boob that I am aware of. The rest comes through wet and often transparent swimsuit material, which I for one appreciate more than you know.
  • Some of the women featured here are professional swimsuit models, so it stands to reason why they would end up on my list.
  • I focus only on celebrities since (a) there is no shortage of photographs of them online and (b) real women are more apt to sue me for using their image here. Of course, if you’re a woman who would like to share some beach photos—or better yet, would like me to feature them in a future post—please don’t hesitate to send them my way. I assure you that in every case, proper credit will be given.
  • Because I feel kind of guilty for superficially focusing on women’s bodies and perhaps objectifying them in some way—albeit unintentionally—most of my captions will include some information about each woman’s career, achievements or other accomplishments. At least that way this won’t be focused completely on my own carnal desires.
  • In most cases, I include photographs of celebrities when they were “in their prime,” so to speak. Personally, I think women are great all the time, but I also understand how much emphasis our society places on youth and beauty, which is why I cherry-picked each picture to appeal to the broadest possible audience.
  • My list of the best beach bodies brings together more current talents—like Selena Gomez and Kate Upton—as well as some sex symbols from my era of the 1970s and 1980s—like Farrah Fawcett and Bo Derek. I’m confident you will enjoy them all.

With that being said, the time has come to finally delve into my slide show and to see if I know what I’m talking about in terms of the best celebrity beach bodies. I once did a post about my favorite actresses (in terms of attractiveness) and based on some of the comments I received, followed up with a post about the most attractive male actors, too. Never let it be said that I don’t cater to my female readers. So if you enjoy this post and would like me to do the same again—the best celebrity beach bodies with wieners, in a manner of speaking—leave a comment and I will do my best to oblige. Lord knows, I’m secure enough in my masculinity to see beauty in all of its forms. It might be a little more difficult for me to see it in men—meaning the chances of me successfully turning gay are slim—but I love a challenge.

For now, though, let’s bring on the ladies. Here is my take on the best celebrity beach bodies of all time. I hope you enjoy viewing and reading this post as much as I enjoyed putting it all together!

Posted on June 4, 2013, in Perspectives, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 39 Comments.

  1. Haha… that was good fun! I vote for a male one next 🙂

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