New Dads are Stupid

The old Clorox logo (courtesy of Corporate Eye)

Never in a million years would I ever claim that new fathers are idiots, especially since I was a new dad not that long ago. Granted, there were plenty of times when I felt stupid—which I assume is common for anyone’s first child—but I eventually got the hang of it.

Sadly, it seems that the people at Clorox have a different view of new dads, as evident from a derogatory online posting they recently pulled from the web after people got pissed. The title of the post was “6 Mistakes New Dads Make” and honestly, they were all kind of sketchy.

You can view a version cached by Google if you go HERE. I hope it still works.

Bear in mind that I am not an overly sensitive person and believe people in general are too quick to get upset about the most insignificant things. I have a rather demented sense of humor and a thick skin, so even the edgiest humor has very little effect on me and never offends me. It’s obvious this isn’t the case for everyone, though, and Clorox touched a nerve when they drifted into new dad humor.

The posting begins by comparing new fathers to dogs or other pets, those whose intentions may be good but who lack the “judgment and fine motor skills to execute well.” And from there, it doesn’t get much better. Here’s a quick summary of the mistakes new dads allegedly make:

  1. They can’t dress their babies warmly in cold, wet weather.
  2. They have no idea how to put babies’ clothes on and frequently put them on backwards.
  3. They force their children to watch reality television programming or simply plant them in front of the “boob tube” too much.
  4. They forget to wipe babies’ faces and leave crud caked on them indefinitely.
  5. They allow their kids to eat food that fell on the floor.
  6. They constantly take babies to inappropriate places, like bars, casinos and… get this… poetry readings.
Clorox pulled what was intended to be a humorous Web post listing the shortcomings of new fathers after an internet uproar

A snapshot of the offensive post (courtesy of

While all of these “mistakes” are ridiculous in their own way, the worst of all is that reference to poetry readings as being bad places to take your kids. Poetry? Really?

I would think something like crack dens or even meetings of young Republicans would be far less appropriate than some coffee shop where an artist is slamming verses. Of course, I know nothing compared to the wise disinfectant people at Clorox.

Shocking isn’t the right word for this misguided online posting because honestly, it isn’t shocking in the least. But it did anger enough people to be pulled by the company not long after it hit the web. And there were plenty of colorful comments left on the site, the best of which came from Ariel Isenberg, who summed everything up perfectly.

“Me want to comment but me two dum.”

If you’re a new dad and ask the Clorox people, Ariel, then yes… you are too dumb. Fortunately, we know the truth.

Posted on June 28, 2013, in Family, Life, Perspectives and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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