Eat Fresh? Yeah, Right

The bread is always fresh and... phallic? (

The bread is always fresh and… phallic? (

Remember all those Subway television commercials featuring Jared Fogle, the guy who supposedly lost tons of weight by eating Subway sandwiches almost exclusively? If he ever needs to shed some additional pounds, I suggest he visit the Dublin, Ohio franchise featured in the news recently.

By the time he leaves, even starvation will seem preferable to ingesting any more $5 foot longs, believe me.

Two sandwich artists at the Tuttle Mall store in Dublin—Ian Jett and Cameron Boggs—were just fired after disturbing pictures surfaced on Instagram. Boggs apparently posted the photos, one of which shows co-worker Jett using his wiener to roll out bread dough. The other picture shows a water bottle half-filled with something labeled as frozen urine.

Not what you would expect from your local sandwich shop, huh? And no, this wasn’t the special for the day.

What toppings? Something to drink? (Gawker)

What toppings? Something to drink? (Gawker)

What it was—especially to the customers who frequent this Subway location—was nasty. Jason South is a regular visitor, but that could certainly change after this gross behavior came to light.

“I think I want to go home and consider puking,” he told WBNS once he heard his foot long might contain schlong. “Sometimes these things kind of go on in fast-food restaurants. And most of us just really don’t want to know about it.”

Actually, I disagree. If my sandwich artist decides to “sign his work,” in a manner of speaking, I would rather know about it.  I’ve made it this far without ingesting genetic material and will always find it—for lack of a better term—hard to swallow.

I’m sure Jared would agree. After all, lunch meat has all the protein a person needs…


Posted on July 24, 2013, in Perspectives and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. He’s just hoping to make it on the cover of the Rolling Stone. His mother will so happy to receive her 5 copies….

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