Sometimes You Feel Like a Nut, Sometimes You Don’t

Wesley Warren carries a heavy burden (TLC)

Wesley Warren carries a heavy burden (TLC)

I don’t mean to make light of a terrible situation—or to pillage an old Mounds-Almond Joy slogan in my title—but 49-year-old Wesley Warren of Las Vegas has a problem. Actually, he has two problems.

His testicles.

You see, Warren suffers from a rare medical condition known as scrotal lymphedema, a.k.a. scrotal elephantiasis—massive enlargement of the scrotum.

Some might call it hugeballsackitis, but I don’t run with that crowd. Instead, I sympathize with this poor guy. Can you imagine?

While the rest of us are going about our days, Warren remains imprisoned in his small apartment, unable to move very much or to do even the most routine chores because of the 200-pound weight hanging between his legs. Fortunately, his best friend Monique helps him quite a bit, while his live-in caregiver handles most of the chores. Warren is surviving, but it certainly isn’t pleasant.

Scrotal lymphedema is pretty rare in North America and normally results from some kind of parasite spread by mosquitoes. In Warren’s case, however, doctors suspect some kind of blockage in his lymphatic system—most likely the result of some past scrotal trauma.

From balls to biohazard: Warren's scrotal mass  (PinIt)

From balls to biohazard: Warren’s scrotal mass (PinIt)

You have to protect the family jewels at all time, gentlemen. That’s Testosterone 101, for goodness sake.

According to the experts, Warren’s scrotum began to grow and a mass began to form around his genitalia in 2008, around the time he reported feeling a shooting pain in his testicles. The tissue around his penis then started to grow at a rate of roughly three pounds per month, up to thirty pounds per year. And you can see for yourself where Warren ended up.

Oddly enough, I have no idea why Warren waited so long to seek treatment. I once knew a guy who experienced a swollen nut—and who swore up and down it would correct itself—but even he went to see a doctor once his ball reached grapefruit size. What the hell was Warren doing?

Some say he enjoys being in the spotlight and loves all the attention he’s been getting—including a TLC special entitled “The Man with the 132-Pound Scrotum” (which I’m actually watching as I type this)—but I find that hard to believe. Watch Warren trying to walk down the street or climb into a van and then tell me this is something he enjoys.

The guy has to lean over the bathroom sink and shit in a small bucket, for goodness sake. And since his penis is now buried under his skin—a small tunnel running from its tip to daylight (gross)—Warren has to lean over the toilet, lift his tremendous scrotum and let the urine trickle down like a waterfall into the porcelain receptacle below… and likely all over it, too.

Glamorous, isn’t it?

Despite Warren’s reasons for allowing his balls to grow so immense, he did seek medical help eventually—even if he did enjoy all the attention, I’m sure it gets old after a while. A number of doctors refused to discuss surgery—citing the fact that Warren likely would not survive the procedure—and one specialist even claimed that castration was the only solution.

Fortunately for Warren, though, another option soon presented itself. After appearing on Howard Stern’s radio show and pleading for help, another man suffering from the same freakish condition referred Warren to Dr. Joel Gelman, who offered to perform the surgery for free. Gelman is director of the Center for Reconstructive Urology at the University of California-Irvine and says that his clinic does pro-bono work like this every so often—especially when the patient’s need is so great.

Warren without the extra baggage (Las Vegas Review Journal)

Warren without the extra baggage (Las Vegas Review Journal)

And I think we can all see Warren’s great need staring us right in the face.

Warren actually went under the knife recently with Dr. Gelman at the helm. First, a T-shape was cut into the scrotum mass so Warren’s penis and testicles could be uncovered—they were and all seemed in decent shape. Second, Dr. Gelman and his team removed the mass carefully and weighed it—Warren’s was obviously 132 pounds (roughly the same size as a small Asian man). Finally, doctors reconstructed Warren’s penis and, at last report, he was “walking again and enjoying life.”

It’s as if a huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders… um, groin… whatever…

Want to see scrotal lymphedema for yourself? Check out the information and images at the Center for Reconstructive Urology available HERE. Brace yourself, though. It is not for the weak at heart or—more importantly—the weak of stomach.

Posted on August 20, 2013, in Perspectives and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Great Balls of Fire that poor guy had a big problem….

  2. oh geeYAWD! Jim and i actually tuned into this for a bit the other night–how could you nut…er…not? And it was soooOOOooo disgusting, and yes. The question is why it didn’t seem a problem sooner. A LOT sooner…glad to know the poor guy has dropped the ball!

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