Would You Like Your Penis Toasted?

Man, you better put that toaster down! (KVR Audio)

Man, you better put that toaster down! (KVR Audio)

Oh, the ridiculous things people will do to get their jollies.

According to a recent report from “across the pond,” an unidentified London man is currently nursing a very specific part of his anatomy—and yes, I’m talking about his penis—after mysteriously getting it stuck in a toaster.

I use the word mysteriously in an effort to be tactful, but we all know what he was trying to do… I guess.

Firefighters rushed to the man’s rescue after hearing about his unusual predicament and were able to extract his sausage from the appliance he should have been using to toast bread. Instead, it was his bread that got toasted, but at least it seems as if he will recover fully.

Until he stumbles across a sexy refrigerator in his local appliance store, that is. And then all bets are off.

Oddly enough, firefighters in England’s capital are no strangers to bizarre incidents like this one, which seem to be on the rise. Just check out what they’ve had to deal with in the last three years alone:

  • 79 incidents of people trapped in handcuffs—we can probably thank Fifty Shades of Grey for these awkward moments.
  • 5 incidents of people getting their hands stuck in shredders.
  • 18 incidents of children getting their heads stuck in toilets.
  • 9 instances of men getting rings stuck on their wieners.
  • 17 incidents of kids getting their fingers stuck in toys.
A sore ding dong ain't no fun! (Mark Hooper/Getty Images)

A sore ding dong ain’t no fun! (Mark Hooper/Getty Images)

I guess it’s fortunate that only one of these bullet points focuses on the male genitalia, but we still have a few months left in 2013. And who knows what our English brothers will do with their dicks in the meantime!

Posted on October 10, 2013, in Perspectives and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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