Jackass of the Day Award, Vol. I

There can be only one Human Torch! (Marvel Comics)

I have never been one to poke fun at the misfortune of others or to relish in the stupidity of our fellow humans.

Oh, who am I kidding? We all enjoy doing this in one form or another, usually under our breath or inside our own heads, but it does happen.

I couldn’t even keep a straight face while I was writing that first sentence, for goodness sake.

Believe me. I know what you’re thinking. Is it fair for me to classify anyone as stupid? I mean, our mommies taught us that “stupid” is a bad word and that we should never call someone that—advice we quickly forget the next time we encounter idiocy, I’m sorry to say.

But don’t we all show intelligence in some way? Granted, not everyone is what they call book smart, but oftentimes these same academically challenged individuals possess something equally important: street smarts. So my answer to this question is a resounding “yes.” I do believe all people are smart in their own way.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m right, though. And there are always examples in the news of someone doing something completely dumb—something devoid of all forethought and rationality that never considers the possible consequences.

I hate to say it, folks, but people who act like this are indeed “out there.” They walk among us every single day—sometimes holding up a line because they weren’t prepared when they reached the front, or perhaps swerving all over the road because driving and talking on their cell phone at the same time is far too complicated a task. Whatever the case may be, they are here and as scary as it is to think, they seem to be growing in numbers.

Hell, just look at our federal government and the truth of this claim should be easy to see.

In honor of dimwits everywhere—for lack of a better word—I dedicate this new blog series, the Jackass of the Day Awards. No, this doesn’t mean I will identify someone daily, but I will “call out” anyone who strikes me as overwhelmingly worthy of this honor… and already it seems as if the candidates are lining up.

Let’s see who our first big winner will be, shall we?

It looks like our first Jackass of the Day is none other than Jamar Allen of Toledo, Ohio. I would include an exclamation point on that last sentence but, sadly, Jamar’s stupid behavior claimed his life. Please know that what follows is not intended to make light of this tragedy.

Words to live by (OSHA)

That being said, you should know that Jamar was seen last Saturday carrying a gas-powered push lawnmower into his basement… with a lit cigarette between his lips, no less!

Needless to say, the next time neighbors saw Jamar, he was doing his best impression of the Human Torch… maybe Richard Pryor… engulfed in flames and running into the street. He was taken to a nearby hospital for treatment, but it was too late. Jamar was pronounced dead a short time later.

It was never my intention to deliver the first Jackass of the Day Award posthumously, but I’m afraid that’s how things worked out for poor Jamar. As a smoker, it saddens me to see any of us die from something other than emphysema or lung cancer… maybe throat cancer.

I’m kidding!

Seriously, though, Jamar’s death was a tragedy. At only 41 years of age, he still had plenty of good years ahead of him. If nothing else, though, I hope we all learned a valuable lesson from his untimely death.

DO NOT SMOKE AROUND GASOLINE!

Enough said…

Posted on October 14, 2013, in Perspectives, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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