Lollipop, Lollipop

Dumb-dumbs putting drugs into Dum-Dums? What will they think of next? (Rhode Island Novelty)

Dumb-dumbs putting drugs into Dum-Dums? What will they think of next? (Rhode Island Novelty)

Doctors in Milwaukee, Wisconsin are warning parents about a new danger with regard to teenage substance abuse: candy laced with prescription drugs.

Basically, kids are either stealing prescription medications from their parents or getting them from other kids—who I can only assume are stealing from their parents, as well. Once they have them, they boil down the candy, stir in the drugs, allow the candy to re-harden and then package it to look like any decadently-sweet treat you might find at a corner candy store.

In other words, teenagers can walk around and unassumingly ingest anything from Xanax to Valium and no one will be the wiser—at least not until the effects of the drugs are noticeable or someone dies from it.

Yes, this practice is extremely dangerous. And I would never come out in support of anything that might harm other human beings, but you have to admit these methods are pretty ingenious. Misguided and wrong, but impressive if only for the creativity involved.

When I was a teenager, drugs weren’t our “weapons of choice,” but alcohol certainly was. I confess to nothing, of course, but some of us occasionally stole liquor from our parents so we could “throw down” over the weekend. We would stash it in the woods or some other hiding place; recover it once we were free-and-clear of all authority figures; transport it to a house party or other such function—normally at the home of whichever friend’s parents happened to be out-of-town; and use it to enhance the good times… if you know what I mean.

And I am certain that you do.

The only problem with our teenage, booze-soaked rebellion was that it often drew attention from a common enemy: the police. And believe me… convincing a cop that you haven’t been drinking illegally is hard to do in a house full of empty vodka and tequila bottles.

Drunk, teenage jackasses falling all over themselves don’t help, either, but I digress.

In an effort to divert attention away from our “extracurricular” activities—and to avoid having to hide deep in the woods to drink—we did what many others were doing at the time: we hid the liquor in plain sight, only with a disguise.

These may look like candy, but the buzz is much different (Ed Murray/The Star-Ledger)

These may look like candy, but the buzz is much different (Ed Murray/The Star-Ledger)

The tactic I remember most vividly involved Scope mouthwash, which anyone who has ever seen or used before knows is green and comes in a clear plastic bottle.

And no, we didn’t just drink the mouthwash to catch a buzz. Give us some credit, will you?

What we did do, however, was buy some Scope from the drug store—which back then was within walking distance of my home; dump out the mouthwash; clean the bottle thoroughly; pour in our own alcohol mixture, which consisted only of clear liquors; add a little Crème de Menthe for color; shake and then drink to our hearts’ content.

Granted, you couldn’t just walk around taking slugs from a mouthwash bottle in public, but you could carry it with you and not worry about it being discovered by any frisky cops. And since the Crème de Menthe gave it a peppermint scent and flavor, you could easily explain why your breath smelled so fresh if questioned by party-busting officers later.

I guess the point I’m trying to make is this: teenagers will always find ways to obtain and use drugs and alcohol. My friends and I got creative with mouthwash over a quarter century ago, but today’s teens have evolved even further. The only problem is that the substances have evolved, too, and taking medications not prescribed to them—even if they come in the form of Dum Dum lollipops—is never a good idea.

Might I suggest a quick mouthwash run to the drug store instead?

Posted on October 24, 2013, in Perspectives and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 44 Comments.

  1. Case in point: the kid who could have been Obama’s son.

    • Right on, Koji! LOL

      Sorry it’s taken me so long to reply, by the way. Been crazy busy. I’m sure you know exactly what I mean, my friend, but I will try to do better in the future 🙂

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