Fraud, Felonies and Fruit

Another innocent banana pays the ultimate price (Deviant Art)

Another innocent banana pays the ultimate price (Deviant Art)

My alliterative title may seem a bit odd until you consider some of the stories floating around news websites today. I found a number of them that seem to pay tribute to the letter F, which I personally find rather freaky. Check it out.

New York City, NY

In “The Big Apple,” more than 100 retired firefighters and police officers have been indicted in a Social Security scam spanning two decades and involving hundreds of millions of dollars. Allegedly unable to work, they collected up to $50,000 a year in fraudulent insurance claims. And more than half of these shady recipients collected funds for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) in the wake of the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks—effectively stealing money from those who truly suffered following that terrible tragedy.

Cashing in on the tragedy of Sept. 11th? (AP)

Cashing in on the tragedy of Sept. 11th? (AP)

Court documents released on Tuesday included images that showed a number of these “thieves” doing things they supposedly could not do, if their insurance claims were to be believed: flying helicopters, riding Sea-Doo watercraft, doing martial arts, fishing for sailfish and even playing softball with the “NYPD Blues” team!

What is the world coming to?

Rochester, NH

Last Tuesday, 20-year-old Josh Demeritt was sitting at home and playing video games when something very strange happened. He heard a loud noise, looked towards the window and saw some paint flying across the room. A second later he felt something strike the top of his head, as if someone had thrown something at him. Then he spotted the culprit sitting beside him on the floor: a bullet!

Apparently, Demeritt’s across-the-street neighbor—25-year-old Corey Field—was cleaning his Smith & Wesson .40 Sigma pistol when it accidentally discharged. The bullet passed through the wall of Field’s apartment, crossed the street and burst through Demeritt’s window before striking him in the head. And if it hadn’t passed through so many objects—effectively reducing its energy and slowing it down—the projectile could have killed Demeritt. He is one lucky guy.

Corey Field: World's Worst Gun Cleaner (Rochester PD)

Corey Field: World’s Worst Gun Cleaner (Rochester PD)

One not-so-lucky guy is Corey Field, who realized what happened and went to a nearby Laundromat to hide his gun in the snow. Police found the casing to the bullet hidden inside a crushed aluminum can in Field’s garbage. As a result, he was arraigned Wednesday on two felony counts and posted $5000 bail to remain free until his court hearing later this month.

Too bad Field didn’t “come clean” since even cops understand that accidents happen. It might not hurt for him to take a gun safety course, though. Cleaning a loaded weapon? Give me a break.

Newington, CT

A funny thing happened at a Citgo gas station convenience store last Wednesday morning—and it involved fruit, of all things.

The notorious Banana Bandit. No fruit is safe! (Newington PD)

The notorious Banana Bandit. No fruit is safe! (Newington PD)

Newington police responded to a burglar alarm at the store around 1:45 a.m. and found “extensive damage to the north entry doors.” And when they checked the surveillance footage, they quickly learned why.

The video showed a light-colored, Ford Freestyle station wagon with Connecticut plates backing into the doors until the glass finally shattered. At this point, an as-yet-unidentified man stepped out of the car, entered the store, took a banana from the shelf, peeled it, ate it leisurely and then departed… without stealing anything else!

I guess when you’re hungry, you’re hungry, huh? At least he got his daily dose of potassium!

McLoud, OK

Our final story comes from Oklahoma, where 33-year-old Brad Lee Davis was arrested on Tuesday for the first-degree murder of his stepfather, 58-year-old Denver St. Clair. Murder is nothing new, of course, but the manner in which this murder was committed drifts into the realm of the bizarre.

On December 21st, deputies were called to St. Clair’s home after a fight broke out between Davis and his stepdad. They argued until things got physical, and that’s when Davis did something I am still struggling to understand: he gave St. Clair an atomic wedgie and left him lying on the floor.

For those of you who don’t know what an atomic wedgie is, it involves pulling the underwear up from someone’s backside and stretching it until it covers their head.

Another unfortunate victim of the "atomic wedgie" (iBankCoin)

Another unfortunate victim of the “atomic wedgie” (iBankCoin)

Unfortunately for Davis, his atomic wedgie did more than cause his stepfather extreme discomfort. Combined with the blunt force trauma he inflicted on St. Clair during their physical altercation—which left his victim unconscious—Davis’ childhood prank effectively asphyxiated St. Clair, who died at the scene.

Take note, bullies of the world—even the dumbest school yard pranks can have serious and even fatal consequences.

So there you have it: fraud, felonies and fruit. I would write more, but I suddenly find myself in the mood for a banana… only I plan to pay for mine!

Posted on January 9, 2014, in Perspectives and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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