Bieber in Space

I REALLY like this idea (JB Musicx)

I REALLY like this idea (JB Musicx)

Last night on CBS News, it was reported that famed British soprano Sarah Brightman would be the first celebrity-turned-space-tourist, having purchased a ticket aboard a Russian Soyez rocket through the company Space Adventures. The estimated cost of her ticket was $50 million and Brightman has already passed medical and endurance tests at the cosmonaut training facility outside of Moscow. Her estimated departure date is 2015 and she is slated to spend a full ten days aboard the Mir International Space Station.

Pretty cool, huh?

During the same news report, there was an update about pop star Justin Bieber, who is currently being investigated for more bad behavior. This time, he allegedly attacked his neighbor with eggs and caused more than $20,000 damage, effectively making this a felony investigation. The good news for Bieber is that even if he is convicted, the most he’ll likely have to do is apologize and pay for the damages. There was talk of him potentially being deported back to Canada—which certainly wouldn’t upset me at all—but celebrities like him are rarely punished to the full letter of the law. I imagine all he’ll get is a slap on the wrist, but we’ll just have to wait and see.

Sarah Brightman is space-bound (Andrey Smirnov/AFP/Getty Images)

Sarah Brightman is space-bound (Andrey Smirnov/AFP/Getty Images)

At first glance, these two stories may seem unrelated, but they both got me thinking and gave me a great idea: Why not see if Justin Bieber is interested in traveling to space?

I’m sure the troublemaking pop star can afford the ticket. And we could all use a ten-day vacation from his law-breaking, punk-ass shenanigans. Of course, my idea goes a little further than simply jettisoning this jackass into space. Once there, I think he should be allowed to take a spacewalk.

Astronauts could suit him up, attach a tether and let him float peacefully around the station, giving him the experience of his young lifetime. And just as he’s enjoying being the first civilian cosmonaut to step out the station door—and the first without pubic hair, as well—step two should be disconnecting the tether and allowing the cocky dickhead to drift off into the Great Beyond.

Better yet, if everyone who’s annoyed with Justin Bieber kicked in a few bucks, we may be able to buy the ticket for him! I’m game!

Posted on January 17, 2014, in Perspectives and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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