Reality Round-Up: Weird, Wild Stuff

Well said, Mr. Carvey (Quick Meme)

Well said, Mr. Carvey (Quick Meme)

After being off work all week due to snow—and losing track of current events that didn’t involve weather forecasts or Amanda Knox—I returned to find a plethora of weird and wild news stories waiting for me. Some were sad, some were disturbing and some were downright ridiculous. But one thing’s for sure: they’re as entertaining as anything you’re likely to find on Netflix or cable television right now.

Don’t believe me? Then judge for yourself as I bring you a round-up of some of the freakiest stories I found. Enjoy!

Lady H: Last week, 26-year-old Shantia Dennis—a McDonald’s worker in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania—was arrested for selling heroin in Happy Meal boxes. Apparently, customers could enter the drive-thru, say “I’d like to order a toy” and then pick up their “meal” at the window. When Dennis was busted, police found as many as ten stamp bags of heroin in one box, which begs the question: What kind of toy did they receive? My guess would be a syringe, but that’s pure conjecture on my part.

Looks like they forgot my toy again! (WPXI)

Looks like they forgot my toy again! (WPXI)

Lady H popped up in the news again Thursday night when police in the Bronx raided an apartment that served as a “high-volume heroin packaging location,” according to the Special Narcotics Prosecutor’s Office. All in all, authorities recovered 33 pounds of the white stuff. And you know what some of the heroin was stamped with? NFL. Yes, it looks like this heroin was headed for The Big Game, which may have been a welcome break from all the prostitution and sex trafficking. I’m kidding!

Pooped: Police in Sun Lakes, Arizona recently arrested 65-year-old Rosemary Vogel for attempted first-degree murder and vulnerable adult abuse—and her target was none other than her husband, who was recovering from surgery in Chandler Regional Medical Center. It happened this past Thursday when the alarm on her husband’s IV went off and hospital staff came running. They discovered Vogel tampering with the IV and, upon closer inspection, noticed a brown substance in the line. After disconnecting the IV, the substance was tested and its “secret ingredient” was revealed: fecal matter.

The lovely (and deadly) Rosemary Vogel (Chandler Police Department)

The lovely (and deadly) Rosemary Vogel (Chandler Police Department)

That’s right. This crazy former nurse tried to kill her husband by injecting doo-doo into his bloodstream. And when she was arrested, police found three more syringes in her purse—one of which also had trace amounts of fecal matter in it.

Needless to say, Vogel will be heading to prison while her husband—or husband-for-now, I should say—is expected to make a full recovery… poop-free!

Call me Sexy (Ranea Crabtree)

Call me Sexy (Ranea Crabtree)

You Sexy Thing: Sheila Ranea Crabtree of Licking County, Ohio always hated her first name. So she decided to change it to something more appropriate: Sexy. “My husband sometimes calls me sexy,” she said in an attempt to explain her unusual choice. “I just decided on that because it’s fun. I’m not doing it for attention. I’m just doing it for me.” And since doing it is something men might expect from a woman named Sexy, she better watch her back!

Something Fishy: Joel Rakower of New York City is in big trouble. On Wednesday, he pleaded guilty in federal court and admitted that his company purchased piranhas from a Hong Kong tropical fish supplier and smuggled them illegally into the United States. From 2011 to 2012, he brought nearly 40,000 of the deadly fish into the country and raked in nearly $40,000. And even though Rakower will be sentenced in April—and his company has agreed to pay a hefty fine and to serve a two-year probation—I still shudder to think how some poor American may someday be attacked by piranha released into the wild. They live in fresh water, for goodness sakes!

Not the kind of fish you want to be swimming with, I assure you (USOD Jacobs School of Engineering)

Not the kind of fish you want to be swimming with, I assure you (USOD Jacobs School of Engineering)

Parts is Parts: Authorities in St. Clair County, Michigan received a disturbing call last Thursday afternoon from a woman who said she had “located something suspicious” near the Canadian border. Police arrived on the scene a short time later and, sadly, discovered the woman was right. In garbage bags found along two adjoining roads, they found dismembered human body parts, namely a head and a torso. The parts are believed to have come from the same white male and, according to another witness, a woman in a light-colored SUV was seen dumping what was initially thought to be garbage. An autopsy was scheduled for yesterday, but I’m not certain of its outcome. All I know is that there is one pissed off woman somewhere in Michigan… and she’s certainly no stranger to the gruesome and macabre. Be careful out there, Michiganites! Is that even a word?

Have you seen this woman? Body parts might be her thing so watch out (St. Clair County Sheriff's Office)

Have you seen this woman? Body parts might be her thing so watch out (St. Clair County Sheriff’s Office)

Until we meet again, dear readers, be good to each other and please return for the next edition of the Reality Round-Up!

Posted on February 1, 2014, in Perspectives and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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