Jackass of the Day Award, Vol. III
It’s been awhile since I awarded anyone for being the so-called Jackass of the Day. I guess part of me still believed what my mother always told me: if you don’t have anything nice to say about someone, then don’t say anything at all. Of course, this has never prevented me from criticizing fellow humans who do wrong or act in harmful or even ridiculous ways, so why stop now?
I should also point out that—as an English major—I was always taught to select the most appropriate word for the situation. And since the word jackass seems most appropriate in this forum—even though some other, meaner terms could be applied—I decided it would work best. Hopefully, you will agree once you read about my award winners, as well as their recent exploits.
Today’s Jackass of the Day Award was difficult to assign since there were so many good candidates. However, I did identify two recipients who were more-than-worthy of this honor. And if they received a badge for winning, I have no doubt they would wear it proudly.
Our first recipient remains nameless, but hails from Lakeland, Florida. He is a 57-year-old man who was seriously injured Sunday before being transported by helicopter to Tampa General Hospital. What caused his injuries, you might ask? Check this out.
John Doe (as I will refer to him) is a smoker who must have decided that we as a group don’t get enough bad publicity, so he chose to kick it up a notch. Authorities responded to a call from the independent living facility Lakeland Presbyterian Apartments around 1:30 p.m. and found John with life-threatening burns to his face and hands. Apparently, he decided to “light up,” but must have forgotten that he was using medical-grade oxygen at the time.
Oxygen tank + lit cigarette = disaster.
This may seem like a common-sense equation, but obviously some people can’t do the math. And for being one of those people, John Doe wins the Jackass of the Day Award. Congratulations, John!
Splitting the award with John is someone I normally wouldn’t mention since they are very young, but I call them like I see them. She is the daughter of Patrick Snay, former head of the Gulliver Preparatory School in Miami, Florida. And what she did to deserve a share of the Jackass of the Day Award ended up costing her father a cool $80,000.
I certainly think she qualifies as a result, but you be the judge.
In 2011, Snay filed an age discrimination complaint against Gulliver Prep because his contract wasn’t renewed. I don’t have all the details, of course, but by November 2011 the school had agreed to pay Snay $10,000 in back pay as part of an $80,000 settlement. The only stipulation was that Snay, his wife and their attorneys keep the deal confidential, and they signed an agreement to this effect.
Unfortunately, Snay’s daughter heard about the deal and immediately did what so many have done thanks to social networking: she blasted a comment through cyberspace that eventually came back to bite her—and her parents—in the ass. Using her Facebook account, she posted the following status: “Mama and Papa Snay won the case against Gulliver. Gulliver is now officially paying for my vacation to Europe this summer. SUCK IT!”
She must have forgotten that some of her 1,200 friends still attended Gulliver, so it didn’t take long for school officials to catch wind of it. They immediately sent a letter to Snay’s attorneys indicating he would not receive his settlement since he clearly broke the confidentiality agreement he signed. Initially, Snay filed a motion to have the settlement upheld—and won in the Circuit Court—but Gulliver appealed. And last week, the Third District Court of Appeal for the State of Florida agreed with the school and overturned the earlier ruling in Snay’s favor.
In other words, he will not be receiving an $80,000 settlement… and all because his daughter decided to boast about it on Facebook. Congratulations, sister! You’re our second Jackass of the Day!
Now start saving up for college since you blew a pretty good nest egg with that Facebook status!
Posted on March 3, 2014, in Perspectives and tagged commentary, current-events, entertainment, funny, humor, Jackass of the Day Award, news, perspectives, stupid. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.