According to the Urban Dictionary, the acronym “WTF” stands for the World Taekwondo Federation, but anyone familiar with Internet abbreviations—or Internet slang—knows it can stand for something else, too: What the f—k?
Admit it. You’ve used WTF before—maybe not as often as LOL (laughing out loud), OMG (oh my God) or NP (no problem), but I’m sure it’s worked its way onto the screens of any computer-savvy readers in the crowd.
I won’t lie—I’ve used WTF myself from time to time online, but these days I find it working its way into my “real life” even more. It’s pretty common for the question WTF stands for to cross my mind, especially as I’m reading news stories and looking for new blogging material. People do some crazy shit—as you know—and even though I am not easily shocked or offended, I can’t help but thinking WTF when I read about some of their exploits.
And let me tell you, today is a WTF kind of day if ever there was one. But don’t take my word for it. Check out some of the stories that left me scratching my head and see if you agree that WTF Friday is in full effect. Of this, I’m sure there will be little doubt.
Arlington, Virginia: 26-year-old Maura Fussell of Reston, Virginia is facing charges of public drunkenness and indecent exposure after she decided to visit her husband in Arlington County Jail… while drunk and naked! Officers aren’t sure if she arrived naked or stripped once she arrived, but she was apparently so hammered that when they offered to call her a cab or to let her sleepover in a jail cell, she chose the latter. Fortunately, she and her husband were released the next day, but Fussell will soon have her day in court. I only hope she wears a business suit instead of her birthday suit!
Atlanta, Georgia: Darriuos Mathis is on trial for allegedly kidnapping a 24-year-old woman at gunpoint as she was leaving a CVS drug store two years ago, forcing her to take cash out of numerous ATMs and sexually assaulting her. However, his defense team is arguing that the sex was consensual for two reasons. First, they point to the fact that the victim gave Mathis her telephone number, despite her claim this was done out of sheer terror. But it’s their second reason that brings on a WTF moment: they claim the sex was consensual since their client is so good looking. If that doesn’t take the proverbial cake, I don’t know what does!
Lincolnton, North Carolina: Police in my neck of the woods are on the lookout for a man who has apparently sucked the toes of several Wal-Mart shoppers recently. At one store, he claimed to be a podiatry student and persuaded a woman to take off her shoes. As he was helping her try on some different pairs—presumably to find shoes better suited to her feet—the man suddenly stuck her foot in his mouth and started sucking on her toes. He did the same thing at a store 15 miles away, only this time he said he was conducting a survey on the feet of different races and nationalities. Honestly, I don’t know what draws more of a WTF: the fact that this guy is sucking strangers’ toes or the fact they’re so accepting of his bullshit explanations!
Winter Haven, Florida: The WTF in this next story stems not from stupid behavior, but from stupidity in general. And the proud recipient of this honor is Candace Hauser, a 31-year-old woman who now faces charges of aggravated animal cruelty. In early March, the owner of a pregnant dog visited Hauser because she claimed she could perform an emergency C-section on her mastiff and deliver her puppies safely. Sadly, this was not the case. Despite having no veterinary experience whatsoever, Hauser operated on the dog without anesthesia, delivered ten puppies and then closed the dog’s wound… with regular household glue! Needless to say, the poor mastiff died on the way home and Hauser was arrested, booked and released on bail a short time later. WTF?
Santa Rosa, Argentina: Although this story is clearly WTF material, I can’t help but feel saddened by the loss of someone in a country I consider to be a second home. 39-year-old Sonia Perez Llanzon passed away on March 6th after doing something doctors still find incredibly shocking: she tried to augment her own breasts by injecting them with Vaseline petroleum jelly. Shortly after the injections, she started to have difficulty breathing and went to the hospital. As it turned out, the Vaseline entered Llanzon’s bloodstream and caused blood clots that eventually travelled to her lungs. She died of a pulmonary embolism roughly a month later. Personally, I don’t know what else to say but WTF since Sonia was obviously beautiful without enhanced breasts. It truly is a shame… and I have no idea what she could have been thinking.
Gaineseville, Florida: Police in Florida just released a very cartoonish sketch of a man they believe is responsible for urinating on several women. In February, four incidents were reported of a man coming up behind women and peeing on them. A fifth incident occurred this month and, since then, three more women have come forward. In other words, there’s a man pissing all over Florida, so women down there better watch their backs… literally!
Honolulu, Hawaii: Our final WTF story comes from the “Big Island” of Hawaii and has the potential to make your jaw drop like it did mine. Apparently, Honolulu police officers have asked lawmakers to keep an exemption in the state law that allows officers to—get this—have sex with prostitutes during investigations! They claim they need this protection in order to make arrests, but critics warn that doing so could victimize sex workers, some of whom may have been forced into this way of life. WTF? I’m sorry, but if cops want to bang hookers, they should have to pay for the privilege like everybody else!
Now tell me it’s not WTF Friday…
Posted on March 21, 2014, in Perspectives and tagged commentary, Crime and Justice, current-events, entertainment, funny, humor, news, perspectives, prostitution, sex, writing, WTF. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.