Intoxicated Idiocy

If Snoop Lion likes Hot Pockets, then they must be good! (Nestle/Facebook)

If Snoop Lion likes Hot Pockets, then they must be good! (Nestle/Facebook)

If you have ever been drunk or stoned, then odds are you have probably done something idiotic while under the influence. And if you truly “tied one on,” then you may have even awoken the next morning with no memory of your drug-induced exploits. It has been known to happen, after all.

Of course, coming to your senses and finding yourself in police custody is far less common, but even this has been known to happen. Just ask 19-year-old Brian McCurren, a college student at Notre Dame who recently experienced this firsthand.

Early Sunday morning, McCurren was arrested for vandalism, alleged burglary and underage consumption—he admitted to smoking synthetic marijuana and drinking. And when police administered a Breathalyzer test later, he blew a .106, which obviously surpassed the legal blood-alcohol level of .08.

I’m sure none of this is very surprising, but when you hear what McCurren did prior to his arrest, I think you’ll agree that he should seriously reevaluate his drug and alcohol consumption.

McCurren and some of his handiwork (WNDU-TV)

McCurren and some of his handiwork (WNDU-TV)

According to police, a highly intoxicated McCurren went to Therapeutic Indulgence—a massage parlor in South Bend, Indiana—tossed a flower pot through a stained glass window to break in, and then smashed through a wall with a hammer to get inside. Once there, he proceeded to destroy furniture, lamps, mirrors and other equipment before moving into the kitchen—and that’s where things truly took a bizarre turn.

Apparently, the synthetic weed that McCurren smoked still produced what potheads refer to as the munchies because the next thing he did was to start eating. His feast began with a half box of Hot Pockets, followed by some macaroni and cheese he started to heat in an “antique style oven.” While it was cooking, he sat down at a table to enjoy some Drumsticks—delicious ice cream treats some of you may know as nutty buddies.

And that is exactly where the police found him a short time later: passed out at the same table with a Drumstick in his hand. What’s more, the unattended mac-and-cheese set off the fire alarm and likely would have burned the place down—with McCurren still inside—if police hadn’t arrived when they did.

Frazier inspects the damage (WNDU-TV)

Frazier inspects the damage (WNDU-TV)

“The police actually pulled it out and threw it in the sink because it was so toasted, but [McCurren] was sleeping through the fire alarm and everything,” parlor owner Sara Ros Frazier told WNDU-TV News. “He could have burned the house down.”

Thankfully, that never happened. And when McCurren finally sobered up, he had no recollection of how he arrived at the massage parlor or what he was doing there.

If ever there was a better example of someone who should remain sober, in other words, he would have to be it!

Posted on April 10, 2014, in Perspectives and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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