I realize this may sound terrible, but I read a few news stories today that were pretty disturbing—one involving someone who attempted suicide (in a very bizarre and painful way) and another involving someone who should probably give it a try soon. You may find that last bit rather harsh and unsettling, but I assure I only use it because I find this person’s actions so utterly reprehensible.
And who knows? In a moment, you might just agree with me.
First, however, I want to mention the poor bastard who attempted suicide, failed—thankfully—and now faces a host of other issues. He is none other than Andre Johnson (a.k.a. Christ Bearer), a rapper with the Wu-Tang affiliated group Northstar. Ever heard of him? Me neither, but his recent suicide attempt did make headlines… totally horrifying headlines, actually.
You see, Andre not only tried to take his own life by jumping out the second floor window of his North Hollywood apartment on Wednesday—which in retrospect doesn’t seem as if it would be all that effective. I mean, how high could it be? Seriously? Of course, this isn’t the disturbing part. What he did before he jumped is what had me cringing on the floor in the fetal position.
For no discernible reason, Andre cut off his own penis and then leaped out the window.
Police arrived a short time later to find the emasculated rapper lying facedown on the sidewalk with critical injuries. He was rushed to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center and I can only assume that’s where he currently resides. Not many details have been released, but I do know he’s alive.
Other rappers on the scene assured police that drugs were not present and played no role in the penis-less diving incident, but many suspect that mental illness may have. Either way, Andre is lucky to be alive. His rap career may be over—Wu-Tang was quick to distance themselves from him… and I don’t know of many successful soprano rappers—but at least he’ll live to see another day.
Another person who’ll live to see another day—and perhaps shouldn’t—is 21-year-old Kimberley Davis of Port Fairy, Australia. She may be young and beautiful, but she’s also a living example of the expression what a waste.
On Monday, Davis pleaded guilty to dangerous driving and had to pay a hefty fine—punishment for an automobile collision she caused last September. Davis—an obviously spoiled brat with little to no regard for others—was driving and texting when she suddenly slammed into a bicyclist.
He suffered a spinal fracture, was told he may be paraplegic, underwent surgery and spent three months recovering in a spinal cage at Austin Hospital in Melbourne; she had her license suspended and had to cough up $4500, which to me seems like a small price to pay for such gross negligence. Of course, you will never convince Queen Davis of that. Just days after she ran this poor guy down, she had this to say to one of the responding officers:
I just don’t care because I’ve already been through a lot of bullshit and my car is, like, pretty expensive and now I have to fix it. I’m kind of pissed off that the cyclist has hit the side of my car. I don’t agree that people texting and driving could hit a cyclist. I wasn’t on my phone when I hit the cyclist.
Actually, police checked her phone records and discovered Davis used it 44 times before colliding with the cyclist. 44 times!
Can you feel me now?
Posted on April 18, 2014, in Perspectives and tagged Andre Johnson, commentary, current-events, entertainment, funny, humor, music, news, penis, perspectives, rap music, Wu-Tang. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.