Monthly Archives: June 2014

Gun Safety & Sex Toys

Dildos hurt, but guns can kill (Evolve)

Dildos hurt, but guns can kill (Evolve)

We all know how important gun safety is, especially in the age of school shootings and increasing gun violence. Fortunately, an organization known as Evolve is committed to reducing gun violence while remaining politically neutral in the discussion of gun control.

To make their point, the people at Evolve created a public safety announcement designed to get people talking about gun safety again. And they did it in a very creative fashion, believe me.

Evolve’s co-founder Rebecca Bond described it like this: “It presents [gun safety] in a way that’s humorous, it creates some levity for engaging someone in the conversation. When you start to talk about play things and how you secure those things… it’s an easier way into the conversation. You start to make people think.”

And think they will when they see the “play things” substituted for guns in this hilarious PSA. Check out how these kids’ household discoveries and subsequent “battle” bring attention to the fact that unsecured guns—or in this case dildos—can be dangerous if left unsecured.

The video is HERE and I hope it makes you think twice about leaving your guns, sex toys or any other adult items in reach of children. Safety should always come first—and this applies to dildos, too. Someone could put an eye out!

Vacation Time!

Tell me this isn't a good omen for a beach trip!

Tell me this isn’t a good omen for a beach trip!

Sorry if my blogging fades off this week, but I am currently enjoying a family vacation at the beach. Day one produced this rainbow—the first and only rainbow for which I have seen its start and end—and the weather could not be better. Time to recharge my battery and if the mood strikes me, I will blog. Otherwise, look for me on the beach because I plan to spend A LOT of time there. See you all soon!


Mr. Johnson goes to Washington (Suburban Snapshots)

Mr. Johnson goes to Washington (Suburban Snapshots)

Check out this class project a fourth grader made of the Washington Monument. It looks a little familiar to me, but for some reason I can’t seem to place it. Nice job, though!


Stop Faking It

He fouled me! He fouled me! (Real Madrid)

I love truth in advertising, especially when humor is involved. So when I ran across this commercial from Durex, an international condom manufacturer, it tickled me so much I felt obligated to share it.

The commercial plays off World Cup soccer and all the flopping on the ground players do to try to draw penalties against their opponents. Regardless of how minor the contact is, some players act as if they’ve been mortally wounded—and some of them should win Academy Awards for their melodramatic performances, believe me.

Durex uses this faking to encourage people not to fake it in another place: the bedroom. It’s a hilarious approach to selling condoms and, honestly, I might just pick up a Durex product the next time I need one… provided that day ever comes (no pun intended).

Sorry I can’t embed the video on my blog, but if you go HERE, then you should find it. And I hope you enjoy and appreciate it as much as I did!

Reality Round-Up: Shock Value Edition

BEWARE! These stories may be too shocking for kids! (Hughes Entertainment/20th Century Fox)

BEWARE! These stories may be too shocking for kids! (Hughes Entertainment/20th Century Fox)

Few things are as shocking and disturbing as the news. And no, I am not referring to the endless stream of Obama bashing by the GOP, the ongoing search for that missing Malaysian airliner or the constant references to Benghazi, either. I’m talking about your everyday, run-of-the-mill news stories, most of which focus on death, destruction and other negative topics. Just look at some of the stories making headlines these past few weeks and know that where shock value is concerned, nobody does it better than our fellow humans.

DAYTON, OHIO: On Sunday, a brave young boy ventured into an abandoned house with an overgrown yard, a front door plastered with citations and no visible signs of life. And when he reached the bedroom closet, he discovered why. Hanging by the neck with a belt was the mummified corpse of Edward Brunton, the man who used to live there.

Apparently, Brunton was estranged from his family and friends and decided to take his own life… in 2009! This means his body hung in that closet for nearly five years, shielded from the elements and foraging animals, which resulted in his mummified state. Pretty gruesome, huh?

Brunton never loved his mummy (AP)

Brunton never loved his mummy (AP)

COFFEE COUNTY, TENNESSEE: Gregory Scott Hale was arrested on Monday for murdering 36-year-old Lisa Hyder, a woman he had never met. Of course, it wasn’t the killing of a complete stranger that added shock value to this story; it’s what Hale did with her body once his first evil deed was done.

After murdering Hyder, Hale chopped off her head, hands and feet and placed them in buckets with some of her other body parts. Then he buried her dismembered torso in a burn pile and—by his own admission—proceeded to dine on some of her remains.

Dr. Hannibal Lecter would be so proud. What a freak.

MOTTA VISCONTI, ITALY: The World Cup is one of the most popular and most watched sporting events on the planet. And people all over the world go to great lengths to watch every single game, sometimes neglecting work, friends or even their families as a result. Carlos Lissi is one such person, only he went to extreme lengths to watch the match between Italy and England on Saturday: he murdered his wife and two little girls before heading to a local bar for the game.

According to the latest reports, Lissi was in love with a female coworker, but she showed little interest in him. He assumed it was because he was married with kids, so he decided to remove this obstacle in the most brutal fashion. After having sex with his wife on the living room sofa, he suddenly turned on her, beat her up, stabbed her and slit her throat. Lissi then proceeded upstairs where he slit the throats of his two sleeping daughters. Moments later, he strolled to the local bar, dropped his knife into a storm drain along the way and joined other fans for the World Cup match.

Ironically, Italy won its match against England on the same day three innocent Italians lost their lives. How sad is that?

Lissi and Omes in a non-World Cup year (Facebook)

Lissi and Omes in a non-World Cup year (Facebook)

ARUNDEL, AUSTRALIA: Tuesday morning was anything but quiet for residents of a relatively peaceful Australian neighborhood. After awaking to the sound of a car exploding, they soon discovered something grim and rather gross: a message written in blood on the door of a neighbor’s garage.

A shocking message to wake up to (The Courier-Mail)

A shocking message to wake up to (The Courier-Mail)

What makes this so disturbing is that the blood came from a cat that had first been dismembered—all four of its paws were cut off, as was its head. And to date, no one has any idea who committed this cruel and heinous act. It does prove one very important point, though: in this violent world of ours, not even our pets are safe!

COLUMBUS, OHIO: Our last shocking story comes from Ohio, where criminal defense attorney Javier Armengau has been accused of doing some terrible, sexual things. Apparently, he tried to convince the mother of one of his clients to give the judge a blowjob, claiming the judge was “in his pocket” and that pleasuring him could result in a favorable decision for her son. When she refused, he allegedly took her into a conference room and forced her to blow him instead, which of course qualifies as rape.

The victim also claimed that on ten different occasions—while visiting Armengau’s office—he stripped naked and jerked off in front of her. Why this was allowed to happen so often remains to be seen, but at least five women have brought accusations against the perverted lawyer since this initial complaint. And he now faces charges of rape, sexual battery, kidnapping, public indecency and gross sexual imposition.

Rapist lawyer? You be the judge (Pin It)

Rapist lawyer? You be the judge (Pin It)

I’m not sure if Armengau plans to represent himself in court, but if he doesn’t, I have a suggestion on how to achieve true justice: force him to blow his own lawyer! That’s what we call an eye for an eye, baby. Or one eye for one eye, I suppose.

Are you sufficiently shocked? If not, then all you have to do is turn on the news and I’m sure something there will produce this effect. It always does.

Goodbye, Chuck

Chuck Noll: Best. Coach. Ever (Getty Images)

Chuck Noll: Best. Coach. Ever (Getty Images)

Last Friday, we lost one of NFL football’s greatest coaches: Hall of Fame Pittsburgh Steelers coach Chuck Noll. He passed away late Friday of natural causes at the age of 82. And as a die-hard Steelers fan, I can tell you that he will be missed… and not just by other Steelers’ fans, but by fans of sports in general.

Noll played the game in the 1950s as part of the Cleveland Browns—ironically one of the Steelers’ main division rivals—as a linebacker and guard. Following his playing career, he served as an assistant coach with the Los Angeles Chargers and then as defensive coordinator for the Baltimore Colts in 1968. That year, the Colts gave up only 144 points, a sign of the defensive glory to come with the Steel Curtain.

Baltimore head coach Don Shula—who would later lead the Miami Dolphins to two Super Bowl victories—recommended Noll for the lead coaching job in Pittsburgh, a city that hadn’t enjoyed much success in nearly 40 years. And sadly, they wouldn’t taste success during Noll’s first year, when the team posted a pitiful record of only one win and 13 losses.

Fortunately, this would not become a habit.

By 1972—and thanks to some savvy draft picks and other roster adjustments—the Steelers’ luck changed completely as Noll led them to their first division title in the AFC Central. Hall of Fame players like Terry Bradshaw, “Mean Joe” Greene, Jack Ham, Mike Webster, Jack Lambert, Lynn Swann and Franco Harris helped Noll and the Steel Curtain achieve eight more such titles, as well as four Super Bowl victories. And by the time his career ended in 1991, Noll had 209 wins, 156 losses and 1 tie under his belt.

He also laid the foundation for one of the NFL’s most successful franchises. To date, the Steelers have six Super Bowl wins, more than any other team in history. And there’s plenty of time to add more… believe me.

Steelers’ Hall of Famers (Steel City Artist)

News of Noll’s death hit Steelers’ fans like me pretty hard, but no one felt it more than his former players. Hall of Fame quarterback Terry Bradshaw—who often clashed with Noll both on and off the field—said he was “kind of like a father from whom you want approval [but] don’t quite get it.” He added that he was “proud to have played for him” and that “it was a great honor.”

Legendary defensive tackle “Mean Joe” Greene had this to say about his former coach, with whom he spent his entire professional career: “Chuck was just the ultimate leader. He had truth and belief in what he was saying, and over time all of those things he said were validated, the things about winning football games and being a solid citizen.”

And that, to me, was Noll’s greatest achievement: producing players who not only performed on the field, but also led by example in their daily lives. Unlike some of today’s prima donnas—who seem to care more about their individual performances and large paychecks—Noll instilled a strong sense of teamwork and unity in his players, who returned the favor by bringing the Lombardi trophy back to the Steel City not once, but four times.

In other words, he was the ultimate football coach. And I, for one, couldn’t be happier to have watched Chuck Noll in action. I even had an opportunity to meet him and some of his greatest players when I visited the Steelers’ training camp as a child, so I can say this: I will always be a Steelers fan. And I have Chuck to thank for bringing me and so many others into the fold.

We will miss you, Chuck. Rest easy and I promise the Steelers and their fans will keep your dream alive. Always.

Hurray USA!

Brooks is congratulated after scoring the winning goal (USA Today)

Congratulations to the U.S. for defeating Ghana 2-1 in their opening World Cup appearance!

Like many Americans, I watched the game with excitement, anticipation and—most of all—worry. Granted, Clint Dempsey’s goal in the first 30 seconds gave us some early breathing room—and represented the sixth fastest goal scored in World Cup history—but nearly the entire game passed before another goal was scored.

Sadly, it was scored by the opposing team in the 82nd minute, but it wouldn’t last for long.

Plagued with injuries—including a bloody nose for Dempsey, a hamstring injury for Jozy Altidore and several others—and dominated in time of possession by the Ghanaian team, the Americans pressed on and never lost hope.

Jones, Bradley and Beckerman kept the midfield in check, while Beasley, Besler and company held Ghana to only one goal, a rare slip past outstanding keeper Tim Howard, who otherwise played a near-perfect game.

Dempsey strikes early to put America on top (CBS Local-Baltimore)

Substitutions were the name of the game for America, given all the injuries on the pitch. Fortunately, the addition of Graham Zusi in the 77th minute brought fresh legs to the team. And it was substitute John Brooks who helped anchor the defense and eventually scored the winning goal off a Zusi corner kick in the 86th minute.

Yes, it was a game for the ages—from an American perspective, at least—as well as the best World Cup start for the U.S. team since its 2002 victory over Portugal. Ghana was clearly the better team—controlling 59% of possession, completing 445 passes and posting 65 dangerous attacks to America’s 22—but the U.S. had one important advantage: heart.

Of course, the World Cup has just begun and the road ahead will be long and difficult for the U.S. They still have some big games remaining in the group stage—including matches against powerhouses Germany and Portugal—but you couldn’t ask for a better start to their run.

So congratulations, U.S. men! And keep this train rolling, okay? We’re pulling for you!

Inflatable Love


How is it possible that this handsome devil can’t find a real woman? (Hamilton PD)

Edwin Tobergta of Ohio has a problem: he loves inflatables… a little too much.

Last week, Tobergta was arrested in the town of Hamilton after someone spotted him naked on Route 4 pleasuring himself with a pink pool flotation device—basically a raft. He was in full view of local businesses and passing cars, but didn’t seem to care until the cops showed up to arrest him. Tobergta was later charged with contempt of court and public indecency, but this wasn’t his first such offense, I’m afraid.

In 2002, Tobergta was arrested for simulating sex with an inflatable pumpkin. Nine years later, he was caught in an alley with his pants down, trying to bang—you guessed it—a pink, inflatable raft. And believe it or not, but he was busted again in 2013 for attempting to “make love” to the very same pink raft!

I guess no one told him they make inflatable sex dolls for this very reason, huh? Of course, inflatable rafts are likely much cheaper and easier to replace at the nearest surf shop or Walmart, so I’m sure some of his reasons are economic in nature. Crazy yet frugal bastard!

A Day for Dads

Nothing says “Happy Father’s Day” like an awkward family photo. Check out some of these keepers from days gone by…

Best PSA Ever

Texting + Driving = Death (Chris Joseph)

Public service announcements are rarely entertaining and, in most cases, can be downright boring. However, those that employ shock value tend to be most effective, and a recent PSA from Volkswagen proves this point “to a T.”

The ad focuses on the dangers of texting and driving, which led to more than 3,000 deaths and 400,000 injuries in 2012 alone. Of course, statistics like these do little to prevent people from texting behind the wheel, but watching this PSA could have a very different effect.

On-screen in what appears to be a Hong Kong movie theater is the driver’s seat view from a car as it races down a deserted road. Moments later, a mass text is sent to everyone in the crowd, most of whom immediately grab their cell phones to see who texted them. And that’s when the proverbial shit hits the fan.

Check it out by going HERE.

Kudos to Volkswagen for taking a creative approach to such an important issue—and perhaps for saving some lives in the process.

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