Reality Round-Up: Shock Value Edition
Few things are as shocking and disturbing as the news. And no, I am not referring to the endless stream of Obama bashing by the GOP, the ongoing search for that missing Malaysian airliner or the constant references to Benghazi, either. I’m talking about your everyday, run-of-the-mill news stories, most of which focus on death, destruction and other negative topics. Just look at some of the stories making headlines these past few weeks and know that where shock value is concerned, nobody does it better than our fellow humans.
DAYTON, OHIO: On Sunday, a brave young boy ventured into an abandoned house with an overgrown yard, a front door plastered with citations and no visible signs of life. And when he reached the bedroom closet, he discovered why. Hanging by the neck with a belt was the mummified corpse of Edward Brunton, the man who used to live there.
Apparently, Brunton was estranged from his family and friends and decided to take his own life… in 2009! This means his body hung in that closet for nearly five years, shielded from the elements and foraging animals, which resulted in his mummified state. Pretty gruesome, huh?
COFFEE COUNTY, TENNESSEE: Gregory Scott Hale was arrested on Monday for murdering 36-year-old Lisa Hyder, a woman he had never met. Of course, it wasn’t the killing of a complete stranger that added shock value to this story; it’s what Hale did with her body once his first evil deed was done.
After murdering Hyder, Hale chopped off her head, hands and feet and placed them in buckets with some of her other body parts. Then he buried her dismembered torso in a burn pile and—by his own admission—proceeded to dine on some of her remains.
Dr. Hannibal Lecter would be so proud. What a freak.
MOTTA VISCONTI, ITALY: The World Cup is one of the most popular and most watched sporting events on the planet. And people all over the world go to great lengths to watch every single game, sometimes neglecting work, friends or even their families as a result. Carlos Lissi is one such person, only he went to extreme lengths to watch the match between Italy and England on Saturday: he murdered his wife and two little girls before heading to a local bar for the game.
According to the latest reports, Lissi was in love with a female coworker, but she showed little interest in him. He assumed it was because he was married with kids, so he decided to remove this obstacle in the most brutal fashion. After having sex with his wife on the living room sofa, he suddenly turned on her, beat her up, stabbed her and slit her throat. Lissi then proceeded upstairs where he slit the throats of his two sleeping daughters. Moments later, he strolled to the local bar, dropped his knife into a storm drain along the way and joined other fans for the World Cup match.
Ironically, Italy won its match against England on the same day three innocent Italians lost their lives. How sad is that?
ARUNDEL, AUSTRALIA: Tuesday morning was anything but quiet for residents of a relatively peaceful Australian neighborhood. After awaking to the sound of a car exploding, they soon discovered something grim and rather gross: a message written in blood on the door of a neighbor’s garage.
What makes this so disturbing is that the blood came from a cat that had first been dismembered—all four of its paws were cut off, as was its head. And to date, no one has any idea who committed this cruel and heinous act. It does prove one very important point, though: in this violent world of ours, not even our pets are safe!
COLUMBUS, OHIO: Our last shocking story comes from Ohio, where criminal defense attorney Javier Armengau has been accused of doing some terrible, sexual things. Apparently, he tried to convince the mother of one of his clients to give the judge a blowjob, claiming the judge was “in his pocket” and that pleasuring him could result in a favorable decision for her son. When she refused, he allegedly took her into a conference room and forced her to blow him instead, which of course qualifies as rape.
The victim also claimed that on ten different occasions—while visiting Armengau’s office—he stripped naked and jerked off in front of her. Why this was allowed to happen so often remains to be seen, but at least five women have brought accusations against the perverted lawyer since this initial complaint. And he now faces charges of rape, sexual battery, kidnapping, public indecency and gross sexual imposition.
I’m not sure if Armengau plans to represent himself in court, but if he doesn’t, I have a suggestion on how to achieve true justice: force him to blow his own lawyer! That’s what we call an eye for an eye, baby. Or one eye for one eye, I suppose.
Are you sufficiently shocked? If not, then all you have to do is turn on the news and I’m sure something there will produce this effect. It always does.
Posted on June 19, 2014, in Perspectives and tagged commentary, Crime and Justice, current-events, entertainment, funny, humor, murder, news, perspectives, shocking, stupid. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.