The White Chocolate Wiener

Penis or horse head? You be the judge! (SWNS)

Penis or horse head? You be the judge! (SWNS)

As Germany and Argentina were competing for the World Cup final, 31-year-old British lawyer Robin Jacobs was preparing to enjoy his favorite sweet treat, a Nestlé Milkybar. When he opened it, however, he noticed something rather shocking and disturbing: a penis engraved on its side!

“It was a little bit surprising,” he said of the unwelcome discovery. “What on earth is a penis doing on a kids’ chocolate bar? There’s no point in denying what it looks like. It is obvious—we can all see it.”

People see Jesus and the Virgin Mary in everyday foods and objects all the time, too, so why not a penis?

Of course, what Jacobs saw was not a phallus or even proof he had acquired a male candy bar. Here’s how a Nestlé spokesperson explained it in reaction to the unusual discovery:

The Milkybar Kid atop his penis... um, I mean horse (Nestle/Daily Mail UK)

The Milkybar Kid atop his penis… um, I mean horse (Nestle/Daily Mail UK)

“Nestlé is surprised and sorry to hear that Mr. Jacobs thought the picture on the Milkybar resembles male genitalia. It is in fact an image of a horse’s head, the Milkybar Kid’s horse.”

The Milkybar Kid is Nestlé’s mascot for the candy bar, a blonde child with glasses who normally dresses as a cowboy.

In spite of the truth, Jacobs still believes he saw a penis and will likely remember this experience for the rest of his life.

“I always have a way of remembering World Cups and now the 2014 World Cup will always be remembered as the ‘Milkybar penis’—it’s not a great way to remember it.”

True enough, but the real question is this: What did he do after discovering the chocolate penis?

“I still ate it,” Jacobs confessed. “But I was a little put off.”

Apparently not, my man, but next time consider a milk chocolate bar instead. I hear they’re much larger than the white ones!

Posted on July 18, 2014, in Perspectives and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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