Reality Round-Up: Get a Life Edition

Wearing a tuxedo doesn't make you classy (JennToBeWed)

Wearing a tuxedo doesn’t make you classy (JennToBeWed)

What the hell is wrong with people?

Trying to figure out why people do the dumb things they do can be pretty frustrating, especially since the news is filled with stories of jackass behavior, excessive stupidity and—in many cases—outright cruelty.

Here are some of the stories that caught my eye today. And when it comes to jackasses and idiots, these people truly take the cake.

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON: Paul Hunter is facing felony charges of second-degree assault for doing something bizarre the evening of August 26th. Apparently, this tuxedo-wearing pervert paid a woman for oral sex—on a downtown street, no less—and got pissed when a loud couple approached and scared off his lover before he had a chance to climax. Since he paid good money for the blow job and obviously didn’t get his money’s worth, Hunter pulled out a 9mm pistol and took a shot at the loud couple while yelling, “You’re dead, motherfucker!” Fortunately, the couple ducked behind a parked car until Hunter fled—so no one was injured—and it didn’t take long for police to catch up to the blue-balled shooter. He now resides in King County Jail on $100,000 bond—a place where he should be able to get all blow jobs he could ever want.

Amato likes to show his junk to young girls (Dane County)

Amato likes to show his junk to young girls (Dane County)

MADISON, WISCONSIN: It looks like another former teacher is in hot water once again for behaving in a lewd manner with underage students. Our latest perpetrator is 24-year-old Brandon Amato, who once coached and taught social studies at Stoughton High School. Apparently, Amato started flirting with several underage girls on Facebook, asking each of them to sneak out and meet up with him. To lure the girls even more, he started sending them Snapchat photos… of his penis! Needless to say, one of the students turned him in to authorities and sadly, it appears his Snapchat days—and his teaching job—are over. Keep it in your pants, sicko!

FAYETTEVILLE, ARKANSAS: Stealing is wrong, as we all know, but someone apparently forgot to mention this to 31-year-old Brandy Allen. She was recently arrested for shoplifting $144 worth of makeup, primarily eye shadow. Just take a look at her photo and you should come to the realization that makeup should be reserved for people who actually know how to apply it. And I’m sorry, but Allen is not one of these people. She is sexy, though!

Beauty is all in the eyes... or not (AP)

Beauty is all in the eyes… or not (AP)

SAN ANTONIO, TEXAS: Antonio Flores Narcisso’s roommate decided to celebrate his 35th birthday in style: he arranged to have a threesome with two women. Unfortunately, the noises produced by this sexual escapade disturbed Narcisso, so he did something no one would have expected. In a fit of rage, Narcisso kicked open the bedroom door—and was immediately asked to leave, of course—but then grabbed a kitchen knife and started stabbing his roommate… despite there being two witnesses to his attack. The good news is that the stab wounds to his roommate’s hands, head and back were non-fatal and he should make a full recovery. The bad news is that in exchange for his brutality, Narcisso now faces felony charges and could spend a considerable amount of time in prison. I guess he never considered ear plugs or noise-reducing headphones as suitable alternatives… crazy fool.

Someone needs a good ass-kicking for being so mean (

Someone needs a good ass-kicking for being so mean (

BAY VILLAGE, OHIO: The last story I’ll share is also the most disturbing of the bunch. It involves a high school prank on someone who faces enough challenges: an autistic teenager. As I understand it, a group of kids—who thus far have not been identified—convinced this young man to take the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, which he immediately agreed to do. Unfortunately, it wasn’t icy water his friends poured on him; it was a combination of spit, urine and shit. The video is available online, but I refuse to link to it because this poor kid has suffered enough. Who hasn’t suffered enough are the kids who performed this terrible prank, but I remain hopeful that once they are identified, justice will be doled out in spades. After all, anyone capable of mistreating someone with special needs deserves to be punished ten-fold for their crimes. And I certainly hope these idiots get their just desserts.

Alas, another edition of the Reality Round-Up is in the books. Until next time, be safe out there and—most of all—be good to each other. And have a great weekend, too!

Posted on September 5, 2014, in Perspectives and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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