Reality Round-Up: What the Frick Edition
Leave it to our fellow humans to turn a rainy Wednesday afternoon into another opportunity to round up more shocking, disturbing and downright ridiculous news stories. I found all sorts of great—and not-so-great—material to share, so here’s a quick Reality Round-Up that should leave you with one burning question: What the frick is wrong with people?
50-year-old David Schofield—a firearms dealer from Lancaster, Ohio—was recently arrested for impersonating a police officer. Apparently, he was driving a Ford Crown Victoria made to look like a police car and shining a spotlight on his unsuspecting victims. On Monday night, he decided to pull over yet another person and used his car to block the man’s path. Unfortunately for Schofield, the man was actually an Akron police officer on his way to work!
Another police officer made the news recently, only this one was real (not some misguided impersonator). His name is Ted Arboleda and he was arrested in Broward County, Florida on Monday for “unlawful compensation or reward for official behavior.” The charges resulted from a 2013 incident where Arboleda nearly arrested a woman for possession of marijuana and prescription medication, as well as for not having a valid driver’s license. The woman was on probation and begged him not to arrest her, even offering him money to cut her loose. Arboleda declined the cash, but followed the woman home and accepted a different deal: oral sex. Sadly, he didn’t “get off” because the woman’s boyfriend turned him in!
FBI agents in Honolulu, Hawaii kept busy last Saturday evening when a man aboard a Japan Airlines flight had to be returned to Honolulu International Airport shortly after departing for Kansai International in Japan. As I understand it, Michael Tanouye—who suffers from depression and takes medication for it—forced his way into a bathroom occupied by a female passenger and attempted to rape her. Fortunately, flight attendants, passengers and an FBI special agent were able to remove the door’s hinges and prevent the sexual assault from taking place. And Tanouye was immediately returned to Honolulu and arrested. Did he really think he would get away with this? I mean, there’s only one way to escape from an airliner, and I seriously doubt he had a parachute handy!
I will end this edition of the Reality Round-Up with a final story from Muncie, Indiana, where a 17-year-old was recently arrested for something extremely gross and incredibly stupid. The teen was eating at Brothers Bar & Grill with several friends—members of the Ball State football team, no less—and decided to leave his waitress only a $2 tip. Instead of simply leaving the money on the table, though, he did something crude and unacceptable: he entered the bathroom and smeared shit all over the bills. When he returned to his table, he placed the shit-covered cash in the waitress’ check folder and started laughing when she picked it up. Seconds later, she noticed a “foul odor” and it didn’t take long to realize where it was coming from. Needless to say, the boy was arrested and released to a guardian since he’s still a minor. Waiters and waitresses take a lot of shit from their customers, but this is the first time I heard of one taking shit in a more literal sense!
What the frick is wrong with people?