Monthly Archives: December 2015

Merry Xmas from Gnostic Bent!

Star Wars Xmas - Lucasfilm

Happy holidays from a galaxy near you! (Lucasfilm)

Tis the Season

Keep your candy cane and jingle balls to yourself! (funnytreat.com)

Keep your candy cane and jingle balls to yourself! (funnytreat.com)

Christmas is a magical season.

Aside from all the wonderful gifts people give and receive, the yuletide time of year generally means reflecting on the year that passed, spending time with loved ones and enjoying the cheerful nature of the holidays.

Unfortunately, it is also a season of shock and weirdness, as the following stories so clearly illustrate.

BAREFOOT BAY, FLORIDA

Police in Brevard County received a call that two suspicious men were milling around behind homes in a local community. The alleged burglars were wily enough to avoid arrest, but not for long. One of the men was eventually caught by the authorities. The other—22-year-old Matthew Riggins—wasn’t so lucky, though. He decided to hide in a nearby pond and wasn’t “done in” by the cops; he was killed by a ferocious, 11-foot-long alligator! I guess Mother Nature decided to dole out justice on this occasion, huh?

Probably best to take those inside (freestockphotos.biz)

HENRICO, VIRGINIA

Have you ever been working or playing outdoors, only to dirty your shoes so much you had to leave them outside your door to air out? I’m sure most of us have at one time or another, but doing this in Henrico County could be especially hazardous. A math teacher from Varina High School was just arrested not for stealing shoes, per se, but for doing something slightly more disturbing: stealing shoes and then returning them with bodily fluids inside! Authorities would not elaborate on what fluids were present, but they did say the material was not fecal and instead contained “biological evidence,” so it’s pretty obvious that baby batter was the culprit. And nothing says happy holidays like semen-filled sneakers!

CORNWALL, ENGLAND

Some people love sports, some love television, some love cars and some even love recreational vehicles—literally! One such person is an unidentified man from the United Kingdom who was just busted for doing something unexpected: trying to make love to a camper van. Apparently, the man was seen one night on a well-lit street lowering himself onto the metal tow ball of a nearby camper. He was spotted by a 15-year-old girl—who was thoroughly traumatized by the experience—but thankfully received only a warning. RV rape simply isn’t a punishable offense across the pond… not yet, at least.

Not everyone can appreciate an undead baby Jesus (Jasen Dixon)

SYCAMORE TOWNSHIP, OHIO

A man and his family are under fire in Ohio for displaying a rather unusual nativity scene. All the major players are there—baby Jesus, wise men, animals and such—but with one major difference: they’re all zombies! Of course, it didn’t take long for neighbors to complain and for one to leave a note that read “God frowns upon this manger scene.” I guess they forgot that theoretically, Jesus was the first zombie. He did rise from the dead, after all.

This concludes my first official Christmas post, but with several weeks left before the big holiday, I’m sure it won’t be my last. Ho, ho, ho!

Farewell to Scott

Weiland with Stone Temple Pilots (Rock Revolt Magazine)

I just heard that one of my favorite singers from my youth—Stone Temple Pilots’ front man Scott Weiland—passed away at the age of 48… just four years older than I am right now.

The news is depressing, to say the least, since I equate so many happy memories with STP songs like Plush, Vasoline and Interstate Love Song. Sure, I knew that Weiland was a pretty serious drug abuser, having been in and out of rehab over the years. It seemed as if he had turned a corner, though, as he sang with Velvet Revolver and his newest band, Scott Weiland & the Wildabouts. And maybe he had, but it was likely too late. The damage of drugs and a rock & roll lifestyle had already taken its toll.

Based on reports from TMZ, Weiland died in his sleep on Thursday and was found dead on the tour bus outside his next show in Minnesota. A cause of death has not yet been determined, but Wildabouts guitarist Jeremy Brown died of a drug overdose in March, so it’s possible that drugs played a role in Weiland’s ultimate demise, as well.

Basically, this sucks, so please keep his family in your thoughts and prayers since he was a talent lost far too soon. Farewell, Scott—and thanks for the memories.

Poetic Justice

Grateful dogs preparing for the feast (Google Plus)

When people commit crimes against other people, news sites rush to get the stories so they can broadcast them endlessly through nearly every electronic device known to man, and even some low-tech sources like newspapers and magazines. However, stories involving crimes against animals are far less prevalent, despite animal cruelty being a huge problem in our allegedly modern world.

One such crime is known as animal hoarding—and it involves exactly what you might expect: collecting animals without having the means or desire to care for them correctly.

According to the ASPCA’s website, “animal hoarding is covered implicitly under every state’s animal cruelty statute, which typically requires caretakers to provide sufficient food, water and veterinary care. In most cases, criminal prosecution of animal hoarding can be a difficult process and may not be the most effective route, since hoarders are often emotionally troubled rather than criminally inclined.”

You may not think this happens very often, but believe me, it does. Consider the recent case of an Arkansas dog hoarder that made headlines last week.

Van Buren County Sheriff’s deputies were called to the woman’s property and found more than 50 aggressive and malnourished dogs around her home. They even had to shoot some of them just to get into her house. And when they did, they made a gruesome discovery. The 65-year-old hoarder—who suffered from Hepatitis C—was dead… and that wasn’t even the worst part.

Some of the dogs had been feeding on her corpse!

I suppose the old adage is true even in the animal kingdom: what goes around, comes around. And if there is a silver lining to this story, I guess it’s that at least some of these malnourished canines got the Thanksgiving meal they so desperately needed.

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