Tis the Season

Keep your candy cane and jingle balls to yourself! (funnytreat.com)

Keep your candy cane and jingle balls to yourself! (funnytreat.com)

Christmas is a magical season.

Aside from all the wonderful gifts people give and receive, the yuletide time of year generally means reflecting on the year that passed, spending time with loved ones and enjoying the cheerful nature of the holidays.

Unfortunately, it is also a season of shock and weirdness, as the following stories so clearly illustrate.

BAREFOOT BAY, FLORIDA

Police in Brevard County received a call that two suspicious men were milling around behind homes in a local community. The alleged burglars were wily enough to avoid arrest, but not for long. One of the men was eventually caught by the authorities. The other—22-year-old Matthew Riggins—wasn’t so lucky, though. He decided to hide in a nearby pond and wasn’t “done in” by the cops; he was killed by a ferocious, 11-foot-long alligator! I guess Mother Nature decided to dole out justice on this occasion, huh?

Probably best to take those inside (freestockphotos.biz)

HENRICO, VIRGINIA

Have you ever been working or playing outdoors, only to dirty your shoes so much you had to leave them outside your door to air out? I’m sure most of us have at one time or another, but doing this in Henrico County could be especially hazardous. A math teacher from Varina High School was just arrested not for stealing shoes, per se, but for doing something slightly more disturbing: stealing shoes and then returning them with bodily fluids inside! Authorities would not elaborate on what fluids were present, but they did say the material was not fecal and instead contained “biological evidence,” so it’s pretty obvious that baby batter was the culprit. And nothing says happy holidays like semen-filled sneakers!

CORNWALL, ENGLAND

Some people love sports, some love television, some love cars and some even love recreational vehicles—literally! One such person is an unidentified man from the United Kingdom who was just busted for doing something unexpected: trying to make love to a camper van. Apparently, the man was seen one night on a well-lit street lowering himself onto the metal tow ball of a nearby camper. He was spotted by a 15-year-old girl—who was thoroughly traumatized by the experience—but thankfully received only a warning. RV rape simply isn’t a punishable offense across the pond… not yet, at least.

Not everyone can appreciate an undead baby Jesus (Jasen Dixon)

SYCAMORE TOWNSHIP, OHIO

A man and his family are under fire in Ohio for displaying a rather unusual nativity scene. All the major players are there—baby Jesus, wise men, animals and such—but with one major difference: they’re all zombies! Of course, it didn’t take long for neighbors to complain and for one to leave a note that read “God frowns upon this manger scene.” I guess they forgot that theoretically, Jesus was the first zombie. He did rise from the dead, after all.

This concludes my first official Christmas post, but with several weeks left before the big holiday, I’m sure it won’t be my last. Ho, ho, ho!

Posted on December 9, 2015, in Perspectives and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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