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Cruz Gets Trumped

Cruz praised from up on high (@TheGoodGodAbove/Twitter)

At long last, it finally happened: Ted Cruz has been defeated and will not be the GOP nominee for president. A resounding victory for Donald Trump in Indiana yesterday served as the final nail in Cruz’s coffin—and here’s hoping we never have to deal with this jackass from Texas again.

If you think “jackass” is too strong a word, consider this VIDEO in which Ted Cruz auditions for voice work on the popular animated television show The Simpsons. The word it immediately brings to my mind is “creepy,” but you be the judge.

Of course, Cruz’s departure from the GOP race also means that Trump is the presumptive nominee, which is pretty scary in and of itself. Even scarier is the fact that the anti-Trump movement spent more than $75 million to prevent this from happening, only to see their worst fears become reality.

$75 million spent primarily on political television ads? What a waste. That money could have come in very handy in feeding the hungry, clothing the homeless or doing good work for the multitude of people struggling in this country. Man, we sure have some messed up priorities.

Fortunately, there is still hope for those hoping to block Trump’s nomination—and his name is Ohio Governor John Kasich.

I’m kidding, of course. Kasich has no chance and there really is no hope for the GOP. A Clinton-Trump race for the White House seems inevitable at this point. And honestly, we may all be screwed in the long run.

Game of Lies

Winter is coming for us all next year (NBC/Seth Meyers)

Like millions of television viewers, one of my favorite shows is HBO’s gruesome and often controversial Game of Thrones. Granted, it took me a little while to get into the show—mostly because I was forced to binge watch it on HBO GO—but I can now say that I am a die-hard lover of Westeros, the Iron Throne and everything associated with George R.R. Martin’s epic creation.

When I consider the current race for the 2016 presidential nomination, however, a different title seems to apply: Game of Lies.

This is nothing new, of course, since we all know political candidates will say anything necessary to get elected. Lies, empty promises, misleading information—these are all so-called “tools of the trade” for those with political ambitions. And judging from the pool of GOP presidential candidates, it seems to be business-as-usual for those hoping to take the White House next year.

Consider a recent study by Politifact, an organization that evaluates the truthfulness of statements made by political candidates. They examined statements made by every GOP candidate and judged them as either true/mostly true or half true/mostly false/false/pants on fire. Here’s the graphic they created to report their findings:

how much youve been lied to

Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies (Politifact)

As you can see, the most truthful GOP candidate appears to be John Kasich, who obviously has no chance of winning the Republican presidential nomination. In fact, most of the candidates who speak more truthfully are so far behind in the polls that none of them are considered to be serious contenders. Sadly, the current front runners—Ben Carson and Donald Trump—tend to be the least truthful, with Carson slightly ahead of the sandy-haired real estate mogul.

None of this should come as much of a surprise, of course, since both Carson and Trump have no real political experience. They just seem to tell people what they want to hear, although neither of them have the knowledge—nor even the desire—to back up the things they say. They just keep saying things… and much of what they say is bizarre, mean or just plain wacko.

2015-10-26-1445898099-2913922-ScreenShot20151026at3.11.25PM.png

The new Archie Bunker and George Jefferson? (Norman Lear/Huffington Post)

Most of what Ben Carson says, for example, seems to qualify for this last descriptor. Take his theory on the Egyptian pyramids. In 1998, Carson made the following statement about the man-made wonders: “My own personal theory is that Joseph built the pyramids to store grain. Now all the archeologists think that they were made for the pharaohs’ graves. But, you know, [something to store that grain] would have to be something awfully big, if you stop and think about it.” Yesterday, CBS News asked Carson if he still believed this and, oddly enough, he said that he did.

And this guy wants to be president?

Of course, Trump isn’t much better. I could go on-and-on about all the crazy things he’s said since entering the presidential race, but they are all pretty well-known. He did target his main GOP rival in a promo for his upcoming appearance on NBC’s Saturday Night Live, though: “Ben Carson is a complete and total loser!”

I hate to sound childish, Donald, but it takes one to know one, punk!

S.O.B.s from the GOP

The new face of foolishness: Donald Trump (Playbuzz)

If I ever feel bummed out or depressed, I sometimes scan the online news sites for stories about GOP presidential candidates, who always make me laugh. Their ineptitude and general stupidity never fail to bring a smile to my face, especially where two particular candidates are concerned: Donald Trump and Ben Carson.

I swear these guys could pair up for a pretty entertaining Vegas show if they were so inclined.

The story I read about Trump was not very recent—it was originally posted this summer—but it certainly illustrates why he has no business in a presidential race. In an interview with NBC News, Trump was asked about Charles Krauthammer, a journalist who is paralyzed from the waist down and had the nerve to refer to Trump as a “rodeo clown.” Trump responded as only Trump could:

“I went out, I made a fortune, a big fortune, a tremendous fortune… bigger than people even understand. Then I get called by a guy that can’t buy a pair of pants, I get called names?”

Since then, Trump has insulted immigrants, female reporters and basically anyone who doesn’t agree with his extreme, dumbass ideas. Yet somehow he remains a front-runner in the Republican battle for the presidential nomination. I can’t understand this, but I do have one thing to say to this squirrel-coiffed madman: “Stay classy, Donald.”

Ben Carson wants to be the next big action star (Getty Images)

The story I read about Ben Carson—another ridiculous candidate for Commander-in-Chief—was more recent and happened earlier this week. Carson was being interviewed on Fox & Friends and responded to a question about the recent shooting at Umpqua Community College in Oregon. Nine people were killed when Christopher Harper-Mercer walked into a classroom, asked students their religion and murdered each of them in cold blood—and here’s what Carson had to say about it:

“I would not just stand there and let him shoot me. I would say, ‘Hey, guys. Everybody attack him. He may shoot me, but he can’t get us all.’”

That’s easy for Carson to say from his warm seat in Fox studios, but things are much different when you’re in a life-threatening situation. And who knows how someone will react once fear and adrenaline start coursing through them?

Oddly enough, someone did fight back on that fateful day in Oregon: Army veteran Chris Mintz. And he was shot seven times, but still managed to survive. He is currently recovering from his wounds—and it seems to me that someone as intelligent and courageous as Ben Carson would know this before making such insensitive and ridiculous remarks.

Some may find these stories shocking and offensive, but I assure you we will all feel this way if either of these morons wins the Republican nomination or worse, the presidency. And if this does happen, I have only one question:

Anyone want to move to Canada with me?

Trump Unplugged

trump butt plug

Help put Donald Trump in his place! (Fernando Sosa)

When it comes to merchandising, it is extremely rare for a product to perfectly represent the celebrity or famous figure for which it was designed. Thanks to a 31-year-old Florida artist named Fernando Sosa, however, GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump finally has a product worthy of his name.

It’s a butt plug… and one “The Donald” can truly be proud of.

“I wanted to do something insulting,” Sosa told The Huffington Post recently. “I like the mental picture of his face going into people’s asses.”

Sosa used a 3D printer to create the butt plug shortly after Trump labeled Mexican immigrants as rapists and drug addicts. You see, he was born in Mexico and did not take kindly to Trump’s remarks.

Trump could not be reached for comment, of course, but I seriously doubt that we’ve heard “the end” of this… unless Trump engineers some sort of “come from behind” victory next year!

Trumped Again!

Trump Card political cartoon

Here’s hoping this card never gets played (Joe Nickell/Center for Inquiry)

According to a recent Suffolk University/USA Today survey, the leading Republican candidate for president of the United States is none other than Donald Trump.

Yes, the same guy who claims most Mexican immigrants are rapists and has been unable to secure a decent haircut his entire life.

The nationwide poll showed Trump having 17% support, with Jeb Bush at 14%, Scott Walker at 8% and Ted Cruz at 6%.

To make matters worse, Gallup issued a different poll on Tuesday that indicated 41% of Republicans consider Trump to be a “serious candidate” for the next Commander-in-Chief.

This does not bode well for America…

Trumped

If this happens, then we are truly screwed (Salon.com)

Believe it or not, but there are currently 18 candidates hoping to be nominated for the 2016 presidential election—and one of them is none other than Donald Trump, the real estate mogul with perhaps the worst hair in American history.

Carrot Top has him beat, but that’s a story for another day.

Earlier this month, Trump announced he would be running for the Republican nomination and decided to punctuate his speech with these derogatory remarks concerning immigration:

“When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re not sending you,” he said. “They’re sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.”

Yep. This GOP candidate actually referred to Mexican immigrants as rapists, but he didn’t stop there—despite both NBC and Univision cutting ties with him. Trump recently called in to Don Lemon’s CNN show The Situation Room to further explain his remarks… and to make himself look like even more of an idiot.

The guy can’t even manage his hair, much less a whole country! (Pinterest)

“Well if you look at the statistics of people coming, you look at the statistics on rape, on crime, on everything coming in illegally into this country it’s mind-boggling!”

Lemon explained that 80% of females coming from Central America are victims of rape while traveling to the United States—in an effort to educate the hair-challenged land magnate—but Trump couldn’t leave well enough alone and dug an even deeper hole for himself.

“Well, somebody’s doing the raping, Don! I mean somebody’s doing it! Who’s doing the raping? Who’s doing the raping?”

And this jackass wants to be president? Yeah, right. He’s got about as much of a chance as Chris Christie, which certainly isn’t saying much.

Too bad there isn’t someone who can toss Trump out of the race with his signature phrase, “You’re fired!” It would save the media—not to mention the general public—a whole lot of time and energy.

Trump Blows the Election Wide Open

Trying to Trump Obama (courtesy of Hero Decks)

Earlier this week, real estate mogul and all-around weird guy Donald Trump claimed he would make an announcement Wednesday that would blow the 2012 presidential election wide open.

Today, Trump kept his promise. Well, sort of.

It is true that Trump made an announcement today. Did it shake up the election to come? Hardly. If anything, I would describe his “revelation” as anti-climactic at best.

The shaggy-haired Don has asked President Obama to release both his passport and his college records. If he does so, then Trump will donate $5 million to any charity Obama desires.

As it stands, Trump credits himself with pressuring Obama to release his birth certificate not too long ago. If only that were enough to satisfy King Donald or the public he claims still thirsts for information about their president.

After hearing Trump’s absurd and disappointing announcement, it took me a brief while to figure out his angle. At first, I just thought he finally lost his mind. This successful yet annoying nit-wit considered running for president, harassed the current leader of the Free World, threw his support behind the GOP challenger and then started harassing Obama again. And now I know why.

Since Trump is supporting Romney, I started asking myself the same question over and over again: What does The Don stand to gain from all this recent nonsense? Put another way: How is this supposed to help propel Romney into the White House?

It’s possible that Trump is simply trying to distract President Obama during these crucial few weeks before the election, but that seems unlikely. We all know how focused and determined Barack can be, so I doubt anyone could distract him at this point in the race. And I’m certain Trump knows this, too.

Grinning Obama caricatureAnother possibility is that Trump hates Obama and wants to drag his name through the mud as much as he can. He doesn’t care about helping Romney as much as he does about hurting the President. Asking Obama to release more information about himself, knowing full well he will refuse, is Trump’s way of making the Prez look unreasonable, resistant and petty. If Obama can’t compromise now, how can we expect him to compromise with Republicans later?

Seems kind of obvious and desperate if you ask me, but that’s likely because it’s wrong. And Trump trying to distract Obama is wrong, too. Hear me out.

This would sound really dumb if it didn’t involve Donald Trump, who we all expect to act like a jackass, but I believe this whole announcement farce was nothing more than Don trying to give Obama a taste of his own medicine. And believe me. Nothing could be more petty.

Throughout this presidential campaign, President Obama and others have asked, urged, begged and pressured Mitt Romney to release his past tax returns. Mitt obliged, but only released the past few years. And he hasn’t budged since.

Trump must want Obama to walk in Mitt’s shoes for a change. He harassed the hell out of him for a birth certificate and eventually got his way. So now Trump is pushing harder to see if Obama will cave or stand his ground. If he weakens, then Romney may have just the edge he needs; but if Obama stands firm, then at least another seed of doubt has been planted in the public’s minds.

Is it possible that Big Don is smarter than I give him credit for?

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