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Rice Crisp Pee Treats

Don’t eat yellow snow or brown Rice Krispies treats! (Chocolate Covered Katie)

Last week, a video surfaced on Worldstarhiphop.com that showed an incident from a Kellogg’s cereal production plant in Memphis, Tennessee—a very disturbing video.

The video was taken during a labor dispute at the factory several years ago. It showed one of the disgruntled employees on the production line adding a special ingredient to the mix: his urine.

Kellogg’s, of course, released a statement earlier this week: “It is important to note that any products that could be potentially impacted would be very limited and past their expiration dates. These potentially impacted products include Rice Krispies Treats, granola clusters used in a couple of products, and a few other puffed rice treats that we no longer make.”

Although the man in the video has yet to be identified—or punished for peeing in the puffed rice—an investigation is ongoing. Of course, the tainted cereal was never recalled, which means it was likely consumed by unaware cereal lovers.

It could be worse, though. Had this employee been even more upset, then the slogan for Rice Krispies could have been changed to “snap, crackle, poop”!

Worst Thanksgiving Dish Ever

This Thanksgiving, be grateful you don't have to eat this! (Vintage Recipe Cards)

This Thanksgiving, be grateful you don’t have to eat this! (Vintage Recipe Cards)

Stinky Justice

Eastbank Esplanade incident

Next time, keep it in your pants (Ashley Korslien/Twitter)

Last Thursday in Portland, Oregon, a 48-year-old homeless man entered a Port-a-Potty toilet in a very public area and decided to do something other than poop.

He started masturbating and exposed himself through the portable toilet’s door to everyone in his immediate vicinity—including other homeless people, who asked him to stop numerous times. And when he didn’t, they took the law into their own hands.

They immediately toppled the potty and left him to stew in his—and others’—pee and dookie.

A Portland Fire and Rescue crew arrived to help the feces-covered fondler out of the potty, but Sgt. Willie Halliburton of the police department chose not to arrest him.

“I think justice has been done.”

The Ultimate Gross-Out

Could this be in our future? (GaleriDesain)

I’ve always taken great pride in having a strong stomach. Very little grosses me out and I always try new things regardless of how nasty they seem at the time.

Take blood sausage, for instance. On my one and only trip to Germany—many, many years ago—someone handed me a sandwich and, being the food daredevil, I immediately started eating it. Moments later, I was told that the meat inside was blood sausage, a revelation that made everyone around me cringe. Of course, it tasted good to me and since I was already eating it, I continued to do so. Hell, I even ate more blood sausage as my week-long vacation progressed.

Honestly, even the thought of disgusting food doesn’t shake me—at least it didn’t until recently, when I heard about some foods that even make me cringe with disgust.

The first isn’t so much a food as a preservative found in commercial breads. The amino acid L-cysteine is used to extend the shelf life of factory-made breads, which most of us likely consume on a weekly—if not daily—basis. However, did you know this amino acid is most commonly synthesized using human hair? Sure, cow horns, pig bristles and duck feathers can also be used, but human hair is at the top of the list. And oddly enough, most of the hair comes from the floors of hair salons and barber shops in China. No wonder Americans love Chinese food so much—sometimes we consume it without even knowing it!

Scrotal cheese: the perfect topping for your Triscuits (YouTube/Christina Agapakis)

Our second entry comes from Ireland where scientists at Trinity College are making cheese from… wait for it… human bacteria. Using samples from human toes, belly buttons, mouths and even armpits, these culinary cuckoos produce cheeses that supposedly smell like the body odors of their respective donors. No word yet on whether fumunda cheese will be next (i.e. cheese from under a man’s balls, for those unfamiliar with the term). I imagine it’s only a matter of time, though.

Entry number three comes to us from Japan, the home of some of the most unique—and nasty—foods in the world. Mitsuyuki Ikeda, a researcher from Okayama Laboratory in Tokyo, just found a way to extract protein from sewage (a.k.a. human feces), mix it with some other ingredients and produce artificial steak. To make matters worse, some people have even tested the “meat” and claim it tastes just like beef. Of course, I’ll never know since I limit my shit-eating to American fast food.

Taken separately, these three “foods” may not seem all that gross, but consider this: putting them together could make the most disgusting—and cannibalistic—cheeseburger in history.

Toe cheese shit-burger deluxe, anyone?

Coffee, Extra Cream

Careful! That may not be Coffee Mate! (Red Beans & Life)

Pat Maahs, a hardware store employee from New Brighton, Minnesota, often drank coffee to get her going in the morning. For six months, though, her coffee tasted kind of strange. She couldn’t pinpoint it, but something seemed rather off.

Then, in August 2014, she returned to her desk to find co-worker John Robert Lind standing over her coffee cup with a startled look on his face… and a strange puddle on the desk beside him.

“That’s when I put it together,” Maahs said later. “That’s what I had been tasting over previous occasions.”

Yes, it turned out that Lind had a crush on her and decided to do something to get noticed: he lightened her coffee with his own, self-generated cream. That’s right. He ejaculated into her java.

Lind was immediately arrested and charged with sexual assault after admitting to the coffee-creaming incident. According to court documents, he also confessed to ejaculating on Maahs’ desk and personal items on at least four different occasions.

Unfortunately, shooting your load into someone’s coffee and all over their possessions isn’t considered a sex crime in Minnesota, so the sex charges against Lind were dropped. No word yet on whether he will face any other charges.

Let this serve as a warning for anyone living in Minnesota: if you leave your office, take your coffee with you. That way the only milky white substance will be the creamer added by your barista at Starbuck’s… and here’s hoping that barista is female!

Headless

DECAPITATION

Hunts Point, close to where the head was found (Google Maps)

As if it isn’t bad enough that American journalists are being kidnapped and beheaded by members of the Islamic State in Iraq, now we have to worry about Americans decapitating themselves stateside!

According to recent reports by the New York Daily News, 51-year-old Tomas Rivera of the Bronx just beheaded himself in broad daylight along a busy New York street. Apparently, he tied a chain around his neck, attached the other end to a pole, climbed into his car and hit the accelerator.

Seconds later, Rivera’s vehicle smashed into a parked car while his head went the opposite direction. And believe it or not, but a Chicago man died in the exact same manner in 2011, which obviously could have set a gruesome precedent for Rivera.

Either way, you can’t accuse these men of lacking showmanship!

Eat Fresh? Yeah, Right

The bread is always fresh and... phallic? (entertainment.ie)

The bread is always fresh and… phallic? (entertainment.ie)

Remember all those Subway television commercials featuring Jared Fogle, the guy who supposedly lost tons of weight by eating Subway sandwiches almost exclusively? If he ever needs to shed some additional pounds, I suggest he visit the Dublin, Ohio franchise featured in the news recently.

By the time he leaves, even starvation will seem preferable to ingesting any more $5 foot longs, believe me.

Two sandwich artists at the Tuttle Mall store in Dublin—Ian Jett and Cameron Boggs—were just fired after disturbing pictures surfaced on Instagram. Boggs apparently posted the photos, one of which shows co-worker Jett using his wiener to roll out bread dough. The other picture shows a water bottle half-filled with something labeled as frozen urine.

Not what you would expect from your local sandwich shop, huh? And no, this wasn’t the special for the day.

What toppings? Something to drink? (Gawker)

What toppings? Something to drink? (Gawker)

What it was—especially to the customers who frequent this Subway location—was nasty. Jason South is a regular visitor, but that could certainly change after this gross behavior came to light.

“I think I want to go home and consider puking,” he told WBNS once he heard his foot long might contain schlong. “Sometimes these things kind of go on in fast-food restaurants. And most of us just really don’t want to know about it.”

Actually, I disagree. If my sandwich artist decides to “sign his work,” in a manner of speaking, I would rather know about it.  I’ve made it this far without ingesting genetic material and will always find it—for lack of a better term—hard to swallow.

I’m sure Jared would agree. After all, lunch meat has all the protein a person needs…

 

Something in the Water

There’s SOMEONE in the water (courtesy of Apple Daily)

Sabrina Braugh and her husband recently travelled from Great Britain to California and decided to stay at the Cecil Hotel in Los Angeles. For some reason, every time they ran water for a shower, it would come out black before clearing up a few seconds later. It even tasted funny.

At first, Braugh thought this was simply the way things were in America. While that doesn’t bode well for our national reputation, at least in terms of water quality and sanitation, it turns out that something else was to blame for the water’s discoloration and unusual flavor.

There was a corpse decomposing in one of the hotel’s rooftop water cisterns.

The body belonged to 21-year-old Canadian tourist Elisa Lam, whose parents reported her missing earlier this month. She was last sighted in the hotel at the end of January.

Police are investigating Lam’s mysterious death, but no details have emerged to date. And we’re still waiting for the test results from the hotel’s water supply, which is being analyzed by the LA Public Health Department.

Would you drink this? (courtesy of tripadvisor.com)

Even if this tainted water poses no serious health risk to the residents of the Cecil Hotel, the fact that people were drinking and bathing in it for several weeks is more disgusting than I care to imagine. No wonder there was black stuff coming out of the faucets. It was Lam’s decomposing flesh, for goodness sake!

I would describe this situation as gross, but doing so would be a huge understatement. This goes way beyond gross. And I can’t imagine how the people who consumed this water must be feeling right now, including Lam’s parents.

Guests are still visiting the Cecil Hotel, but they have all received the same directive Americans get when they travel south of the border to Tijuana: whatever you do, don’t drink the water.

If you ask me, this advice should be rewritten as follows: don’t drink the water, especially if it comes out of the tap stinky, black and nasty. Of course, this seems more like common sense, but who am I to judge?

Burger King Employee Stands on Lettuce: Busted by Internet | Shine Food – Yahoo! Shine

Current "blue crescent" logo (July 1...

Current “blue crescent” logo (July 1, 1999–present) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Burger King Employee Stands on Lettuce: Busted by Internet | Shine Food – Yahoo! Shine.

As if you needed another reason to avoid fast food, aside from its lack of nutritional value or potential health hazards (think Super Size Me), now comes a picture of a Burger King employee standing on two bins of fresh lettuce.

To make matters worse, the story doesn’t even mention whether this lettuce was served or not. To me, that likely means it was.

What might drive an employee to do such a thing, you ask? Isn’t the answer obvious?

He works at Burger King.

Any questions?

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