According to the Urban Dictionary, the acronym “WTF” stands for the World Taekwondo Federation, but anyone familiar with Internet abbreviations—or Internet slang—knows it can stand for something else, too: What the f—k?
Admit it. You’ve used WTF before—maybe not as often as LOL (laughing out loud), OMG (oh my God) or NP (no problem), but I’m sure it’s worked its way onto the screens of any computer-savvy readers in the crowd.
I won’t lie—I’ve used WTF myself from time to time online, but these days I find it working its way into my “real life” even more. It’s pretty common for the question WTF stands for to cross my mind, especially as I’m reading news stories and looking for new blogging material. People do some crazy shit—as you know—and even though I am not easily shocked or offended, I can’t help but thinking WTF when I read about some of their exploits.
And let me tell you, today is a WTF kind of day if ever there was one. But don’t take my word for it. Check out some of the stories that left me scratching my head and see if you agree that WTF Friday is in full effect. Of this, I’m sure there will be little doubt.
Arlington, Virginia: 26-year-old Maura Fussell of Reston, Virginia is facing charges of public drunkenness and indecent exposure after she decided to visit her husband in Arlington County Jail… while drunk and naked! Officers aren’t sure if she arrived naked or stripped once she arrived, but she was apparently so hammered that when they offered to call her a cab or to let her sleepover in a jail cell, she chose the latter. Fortunately, she and her husband were released the next day, but Fussell will soon have her day in court. I only hope she wears a business suit instead of her birthday suit!
Atlanta, Georgia: Darriuos Mathis is on trial for allegedly kidnapping a 24-year-old woman at gunpoint as she was leaving a CVS drug store two years ago, forcing her to take cash out of numerous ATMs and sexually assaulting her. However, his defense team is arguing that the sex was consensual for two reasons. First, they point to the fact that the victim gave Mathis her telephone number, despite her claim this was done out of sheer terror. But it’s their second reason that brings on a WTF moment: they claim the sex was consensual since their client is so good looking. If that doesn’t take the proverbial cake, I don’t know what does!
Lincolnton, North Carolina: Police in my neck of the woods are on the lookout for a man who has apparently sucked the toes of several Wal-Mart shoppers recently. At one store, he claimed to be a podiatry student and persuaded a woman to take off her shoes. As he was helping her try on some different pairs—presumably to find shoes better suited to her feet—the man suddenly stuck her foot in his mouth and started sucking on her toes. He did the same thing at a store 15 miles away, only this time he said he was conducting a survey on the feet of different races and nationalities. Honestly, I don’t know what draws more of a WTF: the fact that this guy is sucking strangers’ toes or the fact they’re so accepting of his bullshit explanations!
Winter Haven, Florida: The WTF in this next story stems not from stupid behavior, but from stupidity in general. And the proud recipient of this honor is Candace Hauser, a 31-year-old woman who now faces charges of aggravated animal cruelty. In early March, the owner of a pregnant dog visited Hauser because she claimed she could perform an emergency C-section on her mastiff and deliver her puppies safely. Sadly, this was not the case. Despite having no veterinary experience whatsoever, Hauser operated on the dog without anesthesia, delivered ten puppies and then closed the dog’s wound… with regular household glue! Needless to say, the poor mastiff died on the way home and Hauser was arrested, booked and released on bail a short time later. WTF?
Santa Rosa, Argentina: Although this story is clearly WTF material, I can’t help but feel saddened by the loss of someone in a country I consider to be a second home. 39-year-old Sonia Perez Llanzon passed away on March 6th after doing something doctors still find incredibly shocking: she tried to augment her own breasts by injecting them with Vaseline petroleum jelly. Shortly after the injections, she started to have difficulty breathing and went to the hospital. As it turned out, the Vaseline entered Llanzon’s bloodstream and caused blood clots that eventually travelled to her lungs. She died of a pulmonary embolism roughly a month later. Personally, I don’t know what else to say but WTF since Sonia was obviously beautiful without enhanced breasts. It truly is a shame… and I have no idea what she could have been thinking.
Gaineseville, Florida: Police in Florida just released a very cartoonish sketch of a man they believe is responsible for urinating on several women. In February, four incidents were reported of a man coming up behind women and peeing on them. A fifth incident occurred this month and, since then, three more women have come forward. In other words, there’s a man pissing all over Florida, so women down there better watch their backs… literally!
Honolulu, Hawaii: Our final WTF story comes from the “Big Island” of Hawaii and has the potential to make your jaw drop like it did mine. Apparently, Honolulu police officers have asked lawmakers to keep an exemption in the state law that allows officers to—get this—have sex with prostitutes during investigations! They claim they need this protection in order to make arrests, but critics warn that doing so could victimize sex workers, some of whom may have been forced into this way of life. WTF? I’m sorry, but if cops want to bang hookers, they should have to pay for the privilege like everybody else!
Now tell me it’s not WTF Friday…
Former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi—also known as Il Cavaliere (The Knight)—accomplished a lot during his three stints as the Top Dog in the boot-shaped European nation. And in his business life, he has been especially successful.
To date, Berlusconi is the owner of the AC Milan soccer team; the 194th richest man in the world, with Forbes estimating his 2013 worth somewhere around $6 billion; the longest post-war Prime Minister of Italy; the third-longest since Italy was reunified; the leader of the People of Freedom party; and was the most senior leader of the G8 countries for a number of years.
Of course, it hasn’t always been smooth sailing for this colorful Italian character. For decades, Berlusconi has been embroiled in all manner of scandals and controversies.
In 1990, he was found guilty of giving false testimony in front of the Court of Verona. Fortunately, some kind of amnesty passed in 1989 pardoned him and prevented any sentence from being applied.
In 2009, Berlusconi was mentioned in the same breath as the word bribery for allegedly paying a British lawyer named David Mills to provide favorable witness evidence in court. And for his role he received no real punishment to speak of.
In 2011 and 2012, Silvio B. kept very busy. First came charges of abusing his office by releasing confidential wiretaps meant to discredit his political rivals. The paper Il Giornale—which is owned by Berlusconi’s brother—published the damning information and as a result, big brother Silvio received a one-year jail sentence.
The second big controversy in this two-year span involved tax evasion and resulted in Berlusconi being sentenced to four years in prison. He was also barred from seeking political office for five years, not that this matters to someone worth billions of dollars.
I’m sure he’ll find ways to fill his time… when he’s not behind bars, I mean.
Unfortunately, it now looks as if bad Berlusconi will have even more prison time than he originally planned thanks, once again, to a scandal, this time of the sexual variety.
In 2011, Berlusconi was charged with having sex with a minor and abuse of power. Apparently, he hooked up with an underage prostitute named Karima el Mahroug—professionally known as “Ruby the Heart-Stealer“—a total of 13 times. She had lied about her age, of course, but that mattered little to the Italian court.
This was enough for an Italian court to find Berlusconi guilty and to sentence him to 7 years in prison, again barring him from political office for another 5 years.
And thus ends the tale of bad, bad Berlusconi… a man with money, power, political clout and an insatiable need to bang young hookers. Here’s hoping he finds a creative way of satisfying those same needs in prison!
Working under the name Kelly Lundy, 44-year-old Favor Hamilton was paid upwards of $600 an hour for her call girl services. A full day would set clients back a cool six grand.
After a highly decorated NCAA career, Favor Hamilton competed in the 1992, 1996 and 2000 Olympics. Although she never won a medal, she did enjoy lucrative endorsement deals with the likes of Nike, Reebok, Clairol, Oakley, Pert Plus and even Disney.
Favor Hamilton and her husband also ran a real estate firm in Wisconsin. So she wasn’t hurting for money. But then she tried working as a call girl and something took hold of her. She spent time in Chicago, Los Angeles, Houston and eventually landed in Las Vegas, the Mecca for women practicing the world’s oldest profession.
Unfortunately for Favor Hamilton, she couldn’t help telling some of her high-paying clients about her Olympic exploits and revealing her true identity. And lo and behold, one of them talked to the media and the truth came out. Go figure.
So Favor Hamilton issued a statement that is apologetic and accepts responsibility for her “highly irrational choices” and “huge mistakes.” I can respect this move since she is a public figure, as much as a mid-distance runner can be, and since she may have some young fans out there who feel betrayed or confused by her actions.
However, it’s hard for me to believe this kind of public statement should be expected from Favor Hamilton or any other “celebrity” (major or minor). What these people choose to do in their personal lives is their own business. Sure, it would be nice if they selected legal pursuits that didn’t involve sex with strangers for money, but to each his (or her) own.
Favor Hamilton only forgot one important detail that could have prevented this whole sordid situation… one vital feature of any secret life: discretion. Replacing it with Olympic bragging obviously wasn’t the best idea.
29-year-old Alexis Wright operates a Zumba dance studio there that apparently doubles as a full-service sex joint, too. More than 100 alleged “johns” frequented the establishment and the local population is very curious to see who among them have answered the Zumba booty call.
What is most interesting about this story is that Wright videotaped her sexual encounters. Authorities discovered more than 100 hours of video footage, as well as thousands of screen shots on seized computers.
Now Wright faces 106 counts of prostitution and violations involving privacy, tax evasion and a number of lesser charges. She of course pleaded not guilty, as did co-owner Mark Strong Sr., who himself faces 59 prostitution counts.
According to investigators, Wright’s clients include local professionals, law enforcement officials, well-known townspeople and even a celebrity. It should make for quite the juicy gossip once the names of these depraved individuals is released.
And who knows? You might even find some interesting YouTube videos to view soon!