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Toys for Ted

For those who want to see Cruz in the end (Mstyle183/Shapeways)

For those who want to see Cruz in the end (Mstyle183/Shapeways)

A few weeks ago, the Internet went crazy when it was discovered that Republican presidential hopeful Ted Cruz—while serving as solicitor general of Texas in 2007—supported a state law to criminalize the sale of sex toys.

In a brief issued from his office at the time, Cruz and his cohorts explained how people should not have the legal right to masturbate: “There is no substantive-due-process right to stimulate one’s genitals for non-medical purposes unrelated to procreation or outside of an interpersonal relationship.”

This brief included a statement that banned any device “useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs.” Funny how there was no mention of non-human genitals, but that’s beside the point.

Fortunately, it was a big misunderstanding and Cruz recently told WABC that he will not attempt to ban sex toys if he becomes president—something which I and countless others hope never happens anyway.

For now, at least, this means that he and Trump aren’t the only dildos available. And for those of you interested in some high-tech self-pleasure, check out this video for the Dildo Drone. It’s fictional, for now, but there simply must be a market for it somewhere.

Of course, abstinence is always a good decision, too—especially when you consider the latest Cruz development. Someone watching an episode of the Maury Povitch show discovered Searcy Hayes, a 21-year-old Cruz doppelgänger from Natchez, Mississippi. And if this image doesn’t immediately rob you of all sexual inclination, I don’t know what will:

Are you sure that isn’t just Ted in drag trying to access a woman’s restroom? (Maury Povitch/Getty)

Enough said.

Gun Safety & Sex Toys

Dildos hurt, but guns can kill (Evolve)

Dildos hurt, but guns can kill (Evolve)

We all know how important gun safety is, especially in the age of school shootings and increasing gun violence. Fortunately, an organization known as Evolve is committed to reducing gun violence while remaining politically neutral in the discussion of gun control.

To make their point, the people at Evolve created a public safety announcement designed to get people talking about gun safety again. And they did it in a very creative fashion, believe me.

Evolve’s co-founder Rebecca Bond described it like this: “It presents [gun safety] in a way that’s humorous, it creates some levity for engaging someone in the conversation. When you start to talk about play things and how you secure those things… it’s an easier way into the conversation. You start to make people think.”

And think they will when they see the “play things” substituted for guns in this hilarious PSA. Check out how these kids’ household discoveries and subsequent “battle” bring attention to the fact that unsecured guns—or in this case dildos—can be dangerous if left unsecured.

The video is HERE and I hope it makes you think twice about leaving your guns, sex toys or any other adult items in reach of children. Safety should always come first—and this applies to dildos, too. Someone could put an eye out!

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