Newlyweds

This is either the best wedding dress ever made or the worst. Not sure which… (Cyber-Breeze)

Sweetness

You can bet YOUR sweet ass that “Our Sweet Ass” is juicy and delicious! (Imgur)

Exhausted

“I sure do love hatchbacks!” (LiveLeak)

If you think you love your car, think again.

In a video that went viral recently, a Brazilian man proves that he loves his car more than you—and much more literally, too.

Check it out by going HERE.

And remember this: if he were from the United States, he would probably claim to be checking his car’s emissions—rather than providing his own, I mean.

The Start of a Perfect Meal

By far the least appetizing appetizer ever created (Imgur)

Perfect Balls

No one touches Tom Brady’s balls but him… and a few staff members (Sports Central/YouTube)

Last week, attorney Ted Wells released the findings of his investigation into Deflategate, the name given to allegations that the New England Patriots deflated footballs to gain a competitive advantage over the Indianapolis Colts during January’s AFC championship game.

Implicated in Wells’ report was the NFL’s golden boy—quarterback Tom Brady—who initially denied having any knowledge of footballs being underinflated and then failed to cooperate in the investigation. As a result, he has been suspended for the first four games of the 2015 season and his beloved Patriots will lose not only a $1 million fine, but also two draft picks—a first-round pick in 2016 and a fourth-round pick in 2017.

Some (mostly Patriots players and fans) are calling the punishment too harsh, but many others feel it’s time that a sketchy Patriots organization pays for stretching—and even breaking—NFL rules so consistently.

Personally, I’m fine with the punishment since it means Brady won’t be on the field in week one against my Pittsburgh Steelers. I respect his skills, but I much prefer to see him sitting on the sidelines.

Of course, he might have a future as a pop star given this VIDEO just released of him. It’s a spoof of him singing his latest hit “These Balls Are Perfect.” And if you’re interested in a good laugh, I suggest you take a look.

After all, no one knows balls like Tom Brady!

Two-Car Garage

Bankson has it all: good looks, talent and a double hoo-ha (NY Brunettes)

For human beings, paired body parts are the norm. We have two eyes, two ears, two legs, two hands—and in the case of males, two heads (one above the shoulders and another below). But imagine being female and discovering you also have two vaginas, two cervixes and two wombs. This condition is known as uterus didelphys and it apparently affects fewer than 100 women around the world.

American model Cassandra Bankson is one of them. And until last year, she had no idea she even had it—until she went to see her doctor about her constant back pain.

“When we got the test results back the doctor said I only had one kidney and flippantly added that I have two vaginas—as she suspected,” Bankson said in a recent interview. “There is one vaginal opening but inside there are two vaginas, two uteri, two cervixes and two fallopian tubes.”

Having trouble picturing it? So was I, at first, until Bankson described it as being an “upside-down nose.” Kind of like a two-car garage with one door.

Bankson’s condition is serious since it could affect her ability to have kids and often results in periods that can last as long as three or four weeks. There is hope, though, especially since a woman in India with the same affliction gave birth to twins in 2011—one in each uterus.

Of course, now I’m starting to wonder how many double-dicked dudes are running around out there!

Meet and Greet

The ideal motto for any restroom (Reddit)

A Cast of Thousands

Join the Brotherhood of Evil Republicans… I mean, Mutants (DadaHyena/DeviantArt)

Just when you thought the field of Republican presidential candidates couldn’t get any bigger, it expanded again. And this time, it’s another familiar face: former U.S. Senator Rick Santorum.

Although it isn’t yet official, many expect the social conservative to announce his presidential intentions on May 27 (the day his website indicated he will make a “special announcement”).

You may recall that Santorum came in second behind Mitt Romney as the Republican nominee in 2012—a fact I am still quite thankful for today.

This means we now have a proverbial cast of thousands planning to seek the Republican nomination, including such whack-a-doodles as Ted Cruz, Rand Paul, Marco Rubio, Ben Carson, Mike Huckabee and Carly Fiorina. Hell, Sarah Palin may as well join the crowd to help balance out the crazy.

I’m sorry, but with so many potential GOP candidates, the Republican presidential field is starting to look like the political equivalent of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.

Of course, Magneto would get my vote over any of these losers!

Childhood Trauma

Proof that you should never force your kids to take freaky photos wearing matching outfits (Awkward Family Photos)

In Your Face!

Just another day at the salon (Getty Images)

I just read that the Guinness World Record for “largest mass facial” was broken in Jinan, China today.

I should clarify and say that the record for the most people getting facial treatments was broken today.

Sadly, that wasn’t the first thing that came to mind when I glanced at the headline.

“Hello, gutter. Meet my mind.”