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Mozart Done Right!

Sara X... one of our greatest composers! (YouTube)

Sara X… one of our greatest composers! (YouTube)

Although this post has no real merit—beyond sheer, testosterone-fueled entertainment, that is—I ran across this video today and simply had to share.

It shows tattooed model Sara X in a video posted to her YouTube channel… wiggling her fake boobs to the rhythm of Mozart’s Eine kleine Nachtmusik.

Check it out by going HERE.

Some critics claimed the performance was as “fake” as the breasts she was jiggling, but Sara quickly addressed them.

“While my boobs are very fake, the video is very real,” she wrote on Facebook. “I am flexing my pectoral muscles and it’s moving my implants.”

Whatever the case may be, all I know is that I am suddenly turning into a fan of classical music… and would gladly play Sara’s instruments anytime!

The Rain Dance

Is this real or do you think she planned it? (Chad Hardy/YouTube)

Is this real or do you think she planned it? (Chad Hardy/YouTube)

Have you ever visited Las Vegas, met a dancer on the street and offered to lie shirtless below her while she performed for passersby?

Me neither, but the guy in this video did this very thing on Fremont Street recently and got one hell of a surprise.

Check it out HERE.

And yes, this gives new meaning to the term “rain dance.” Believe me…

A Tale of Two Husbands

 

Calen is too cute! (YouTube)

Calen is too cute! (YouTube)

Kid’s reaction to meeting a gay couple for the first time is priceless – YouTube.

I just saw this video and had no choice but to share it, since it is absolutely adorable. It shows a young boy’s first encounter with a gay couple—in this case two men—and his awesome reaction. And if more kids behave like this little man, maybe there is some hope for the future.

Enjoy!

Tuesday Ticklers

This is the bone I aim to tickle today! (Peachey Keene)

This is the bone I aim to tickle today! (Peachey Keene)

At first glance, my title may seem rather inappropriate—maybe even sexual—but I assure you the tickling to be done involves only one body part: your funny bone. I haven’t been able to read today’s headlines, thanks to some early business I was forced to attend to, but yesterday provided me with plenty of humorous material. And with any luck, what follows will bring a smile to your face and maybe even produce a quiet chuckle or two.

Unfortunately, I am unable to embed videos in my blog, but check THIS out on YouTube. It shows a very drunk man trying desperately to get through a fence, yet failing at every turn. At least until a young boy shows him the way. If nothing else, this is proof positive that extreme drunkenness and problem-solving simply do not mix. Poor bastard.

Now consider this, especially if you plan to travel to Germany anytime soon or—better yet—if you’re there already: It was just reported that the German city of Munich—site of the 1972 Summer Olympics and the infamous massacre of Israeli athletes—has legalized public nudity by creating six “urban naked zones” around the city. Now those hindered by clothing can strip down and go about their daily business without fear of persecution.

Backpacks just became essential in Munich's nudity zones. Where else are you going to put your keys? (Marcio Jose Sanchez/AP)

Backpacks just became essential in Munich’s nudity zones. Where else are you going to put your keys? (Marcio Jose Sanchez/AP)

Of course, nudity is nothing new in Germany. The country’s first nude beach—Sylt—opened in 1920. And in 2012, Germans were named most likely to sunbathe nude by the travel website Expedia. I actually had the opportunity to visit Germany in the early 1990s, so I was able to confirm their love of nudity firsthand. Honestly, it wasn’t so much a love of nudity as a lack of shame. The German girls I met—and even the guys—were willing to strip almost anytime the mood struck them. And that’s one of the reasons I love the German people so much—they simply don’t give a shit about what others think and instead do what feels right.

And believe me… naked women from any country always feel right to me!

Our final tickling tale involves a rare medical condition—and by no means am I making light of this serious disorder—but its inherent humor is impossible for me to resist. It concerns Amanda Gryce, a 24-year-old woman suffering from Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder (PGAD).

PGAD—formerly known as Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome—causes “spontaneous, persistent, and uncontrollable genital arousal in women, with or without orgasm or genital engorgement, unrelated to any feelings of sexual desire” (Wikipedia). In other words, those afflicted with this disorder can sometimes have tens or even hundreds of unprovoked orgasms each day.

Gryce has suffered from PGAD since the age of six and stays in a permanent state of sexual arousal. Each day, she has up to 50 uncontrolled orgasms and even the slightest vibrations can set her off—like hitting a bump in the road while driving or having her cell phone vibrate in her pocket. Fortunately, abstinence and regular physical therapy have reduced her symptoms, but she will likely never be rid of them completely.

Some women can't have orgasms, while others can't stop having them (Vanessa's Secrets/YouTube)

Some women can’t have orgasms, while others can’t stop having them (Vanessa’s Secrets/YouTube)

Or think of it this way—especially you gentlemen out there: If you ever wondered why some women never have orgasms, it might be because women like Gryce are hogging them all!

I’m kidding, of course. I truly hope this poor woman finds some peace. And we should give her boyfriend a hand for standing by her. Seriously… since abstinence is a big part of Gryce’s treatment, he’s probably going to need it!

YouTube Confession Leads to Indictment

Cordle confesses to killing Canzini in a video confession (YouTube)

On June 22nd—somewhere in the neighborhood of 3 a.m.—61-year-old Vincent Canzini was travelling down Interstate 670 in Columbus, Ohio when he was suddenly struck by a drunk driver going in the wrong direction. He was pronounced dead at the scene a short time later.

The primary suspect in this case was Matthew Cordle, a 22-year-old Franklin County man whose conscience apparently got the best of him. Rather than attempting to escape responsibility for Canzini’s death, he took a different approach.

Cordle taped a video confession and posted it to YouTube. Check it out HERE.

Thus far, his video has been viewed more than a million times, even by law enforcement officials in his area. As a result, Cordle has now been indicted on charges of operating a vehicle while under the influence of alcohol and aggravated vehicular homicide. If he is convicted, then he could face as many as eight years in prison.

Of course, this doesn’t seem to shake Cordle because in his video, he accepts full responsibility for his actions and indicates that he will “take what’s coming” to him. In fact, his plan is to plead guilty and to hand the prosecution “everything they need to put [him] away for a very long time.”

Prosecutor Ron O’Brien told reporters he would not be influenced by Cordle’s video—the case against him was set long before his video was released—but Cordle’s lawyer George S. Breitmayer III claims leniency was never his client’s goal:

“Despite any speculation of his intentions, the video was meant to raise awareness related to the serious issues surrounding drinking and driving. In addition, [Cordle] hopes his confession will offer the Canzanis some level of closure by avoiding any lengthy, drawn out legal proceedings.”

Vincent Canzini (Facebook)

Although Cordle and his lawyer claim not to be interested in a reduced sentence or undue sympathy, some still believe his motive for posting the video confession was blatantly self-serving. However, Canzini’s ex-wife Cheryl Oates disagrees.

“He said, ‘I made a huge mistake, and I’m going to take what’s coming to me,'” Oates explained. “You’ve got to respect him for that.”

That’s certainly good enough for me.

Yes, Cordle made a terrible mistake and, as a result, an innocent person died. Maybe he’s being sincere in his video confession and maybe he isn’t, but the fact he was willing to post it—knowing full well the potential consequences of his actions—should count for something.

We’ll just have to see what the courts decide when he is arraigned tomorrow, I suppose. Stay tuned to your favorite news source for more as this tragic story develops…

The Devil and Beyoncé

Rocky Twyman (credit: Cherri Gregg)

Rocky Twyman: Soul Saver (Cherri Gregg)

Is it possible that music juggernaut Beyonce—half of a power couple that includes Jay-Z—could be possessed by demons?

Apparently, that’s what Rocky Twyman, founder of the Pray at the Pump Movement, seems to think. And he has made it his personal mission to save her soul.

“We are praying that God will deliver Beyonce from the demons that are possessing her,” he explained recently. “There have been so many YouTube things that have proven that she really is possessed by the devil.”

I get possessed by devilish thoughts when I see Beyonce! (GQ)

I get possessed by devilish thoughts when I see Beyonce! (GQ)

Personally, I have no idea what Twyman means, but he believes this so completely that he follows the blonde-haired superstar everywhere she goes and protests at each and every concert.

This weekend he is slated to appear outside Jay-Z’s second annual Made in America festival, where Beyonce will be performing. Keep your eyes peeled for him if you’re heading to the show!

Pop-Up Post: Joke to Jail

Michael Turley

Would-be social activist Michael Turley (courtesy of the Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office)

Last year, 40-year-old Michael David Turley of Phoenix, Arizona posted a video on YouTube that recently resulted in him being charged and convicted of endangerment and a terrorism hoax.

And clearly, Turley is no terrorist.

What he is—and I know I throw this word around a lot, mostly because it applies to so many people I read about in the news—is a jackass.

Pretend terrorist on the corner (courtesy of YouTube)

Check out coverage of Turley’s video HERE.

In actuality, the actor was Turley’s nephew and this was no social experiment; it was a practical joke that landed Turley in hot water and could, in turn, land him in jail for up to five years.

I hope it was worth it.

Pop-Up Post: The Bad Teacher

Classroom incident

This history teacher is history himself, at least at Gateway High School (courtesy of Andrew Swope)

Want to see what happens when a high school teacher reaches his breaking point and lashes out at a student?

As if this kind of thing never happens.

Check out the latest video from Gateway High School in St. Louis, Missouri. It is truly disturbing and can be found HERE, along with the original news story.

Basically, 16-year-old Stephanie White told her history teacher that she preferred to attend some other class where they were showing a movie. This apparently didn’t go over well and an argument ensued, one that ended with White‘s teacher slamming a desk on the ground and shoving her into some other desks nearby.

As is normally the case, the whole altercation was caught on video by another student who was quick on the draw with his cell phone. I can only assume it has found its way onto YouTube as well, though I didn’t look for it there.

The teacher was, of course, placed on administrative leave pending an investigation. And police may charge both White and her stressed-out teacher for the incident, although no details have been released yet.

It never ceases to amaze me how some people allow their emotions to get the best of them in situations where they know others will witness their bad behavior. And though I have no idea what prompted this attack—aside from the whole “let me watch a flick in some other class” thing—it is possible that White was behaving badly, too.

The difference is that when you’re a teacher, you have to learn to deal with this sort of thing because it happens a lot. And to me, the best approach—if you’re not getting through to a disruptive or annoying student—is simply to kick them out and/or send them to the principal’s office.

Collectively, we all want to bring an end to school violence, especially given all the shootings recently. There’s even talk of arming teachers with handguns and training them to handle violent situations, including active shooters on campus. But I ask you this: What might this teacher have done if he was packing a gat?

I shudder at the thought. And I hope stories like this will convince the “powers that be” that when it comes to guns in schools, the best approach is to ban them altogether. Otherwise, things could get much, much worse.

UPDATE: It was just reported that the history teacher responsible for this unwarranted attack—33-year-old Peter J. Sheppard—has been charged with third-degree assault. Thankfully, though, no charges were filed against the student. I think she’s been through enough, to be sure.

Pop-Up Post: Tripping and Pitching

This isn’t the kind of “pop-up” I mean! (courtesy of Funny or Die)

Welcome to the first installment of the Pop-Up Post!

As I have mentioned in a number of earlier articles—most recently in my April post entitled “A Blog a Day“—finding something interesting to write about can be pretty challenging, especially when your goal is to produce at least one article a day. And once you find a decent topic, you then have to actually write about it, which can also pose some problems.

Let’s just say that Writer’s Block also affects bloggers since, as we all know, bloggers are writers, too. Granted, they don’t always get the respect they deserve, but I for one feel they have earned it. Writing is writing, after all.

Which brings me back to the Pop-Up Post.

Have you ever been sitting around—perhaps reading or watching television—and had a unique, original or interesting thought cross your mind? Maybe even a reaction to something that might be worth sharing if it were slightly more developed?

Me, too!

Inspiration for writing can be hard to find (courtesy of Fantasy Faction)

Well, the Pop-Up Post functions as a vehicle by which to deliver this information to readers without having to fully commit to an entire article. At first, this may seem kind of lazy, but for a daily blogger like me, it instead becomes another weapon in my writing arsenal. A very useful weapon, actually, since it requires very little forethought and focuses instead on raw, unadulterated creativity.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what I am all about: being creative while also sharing my perspective on the world around me.

In the future, Pop-Up Posts will be much shorter since I won’t have to explain their purpose every time. Some may look like regular articles while others may seem like blurbs—it all depends on the topic at hand and the passion I feel about it once I sit down to write. Of course, Pop-Up Posts may also be generated through my iPhone, so some may be only a few lines in length. As I said, it all depends and, frankly, I like the idea of having no preconceptions about how this will work. All that would do is cause more pressure and, to me, Pop-Up Posts are about alleviating the pressure to produce lengthy posts each day.

So here we are at Pop-Up Post number one, the maiden voyage for this idea of mine. And the subject of this post is one I rarely (if ever) consider: Major League Baseball.

I’ve always been more of a football guy.

Anyway, I was wandering through cyberspace the other day and came across an interesting YouTube video about an even more interesting former player from the 1960’s and 70’s: Dock Ellis.

Ellis was a pitcher for a number of major league teams, including the Pittsburgh Pirates, New York Yankees, Texas Rangers, Oakland Athletics and New York Mets. And he played during a time most people consider to be the Golden Age of Baseball—long before all the controversies about corking bats, taking steroids, betting on games you play in, visiting clinics like Biogenesis for Human Growth Hormone (HGH) treatments and all the other crap that has crept into the game over the last twenty or thirty years.

Sure, some of these things still happened—and substances were still abused—but you just didn’t hear about them as often. And since there were no cell phones or Internet back then, players’ activities weren’t immediately broadcast to the entire world or splashed across newspaper headlines everywhere.

They showed up for practice, worked out, played their games and went home. At least many of them did, including Dock Ellis. Of course, he had some hobbies that would cause tons of controversy today, but instead make him an even more colorful character in baseball.

Which brings me to the video I found recently.

Dock Ellis in the early days (courtesy of Louis Requena/MLB Photos via Getty Images)

On June 12, 1970—a decade before Pete Rose’s betting scandal and several decades before substances like steroids would be banned from the sport—Ellis pitched a no-hitter when the Pirates played the San Diego Padres. At first, this may seem like nothing more than a nice accomplishment for a pitcher, but when you consider the condition Ellis was in at the time, it becomes much more significant.

He was tripping on LSD. Yes, the same LSD that led Timothy Leary to suggest young people “turn on, tune in and drop out;” introduced the world to the Grateful Dead, who provided music during the infamous Electric Kool-Aid Acid Tests; and freaked out hippies at Woodstock when they ingested tainted brown acid.

How Ellis was able to function during this game—let alone pitch a no-hitter—is beyond me. And honestly, I’m not even sure he knows how he did it. Check out his account of that trippy day:

“I can only remember bits and pieces of the game.  I was psyched. I had a feeling of euphoria. I was zeroed in on the [catcher’s] glove, but I didn’t hit the glove too much. I remember hitting a couple of batters, and the bases were loaded two or three times. The ball was small sometimes, the ball was large sometimes, sometimes I saw the catcher, sometimes I didn’t. Sometimes, I tried to stare the hitter down and throw while I was looking at him. I chewed my gum until it turned to powder. I started having a crazy idea in the fourth inning that Richard Nixon was the home plate umpire, and once I thought I was pitching a baseball to Jimi Hendrix, who to me was holding a guitar and swinging it over the plate. They say I had about three to four fielding chances. I remember diving out of the way of a ball I thought was a line drive. I jumped, but the ball wasn’t hit hard and never reached me.”

What a trip that must have been for Dock! (courtesy of sergioleoneifr.blogspot.com)

Freaky, huh?

Even freakier—and funnier—is the animated video about that day produced by No Mas and artist James Blagden. Since this Pop-Up Post is supposed to be much shorter, I will end with this hilarious video as well as a brief public service message.

You can find the video HERE, but please consider it primarily as a cautionary tale. LSD and other drugs have no place in athletics—and I sincerely hope none of you would combine the two—but I can’t deny the fact that the story of Dock Ellis tripping and pitching is about as funny as they come.

I hope you enjoy it and will see you for the next installment of the Pop-Up Post!

Teenage Wasteland

Teenagers face a lot of stress, too (courtesy of the AASA)

“Don’t cry/Don’t raise your eye/It’s only teenage wasteland.” –From “Baba O’Riley” by The Who

Never were song lyrics more applicable or relatable than they were these last few weeks. Teenagers across our great nation left all their worries, inhibitions, concerns, logic and even common sense behind, choosing instead to break the rules, wreak havoc, embrace chaos and, in one tragic case, end a life.

Yes, it was a rough couple of weeks for teenagers, but rougher still for those whose paths led them into this Teenage Wasteland.

TAYLORSVILLE, UTAH

Richard Portillo had a real passion for soccer. So he often spent his free time serving as a referee for Fut International, a Hispanic soccer league for kids age 5 to 17. Games were held in his Salt Lake City suburb, which made volunteering even easier for him.

Sadly for Portillo, the April 27th game he refereed would turn out to be his last.

Portillo died doing what he loved (courtesy of KSL 5 TV)

Following a clear penalty, Portillo issued a yellow card to a 17-year-old player, warning him that a second card would lead to his ejection from the game. As Portillo was recording the incident on his notepad, the carded player suddenly turned around and punched him in the head, allegedly behind his ear and towards his neck.

The player was immediately tossed out and after experiencing some dizziness, Portillo managed to walk away, seemingly unharmed. Unfortunately, things took a drastic turn for the worst as Portillo’s condition deteriorated. First came the headaches, followed by disorientation and eventually, he slipped into a coma. And he remained in that state until Sunday, when he finally died from his injuries.

And all because some teenager couldn’t control himself or accept the consequences of his actions. Too bad things are out of his hands now. Currently, the charge against this violent teen is only aggravated assault, but rumor has it that an upgrade could be coming. For now, he remains in juvenile detention and, unless I’m horribly mistaken, he should probably get used to it… at least until he’s old enough to relocate to prison.

PROSPECT HEIGHTS, ILLINOIS

Give a 14-year-old an iPad and you just never know what will happen.

In this suburb outside Chicago, the teenager in question used his Apple device to access one of those online sex dating sites. He somehow arranged for a prostitute and soon welcomed 22-year-old Dareka Brooks into his home.

Dareka Brooks, 22, of Milwaukee is charged with one count of armed robbery. (Prospect Heights Police)

Dareka Brooks. He should have slammed the door in her face (courtesy of Prospect Heights Police)

After asking the young man to undress—which I’m sure he did since we all know what he was expecting—Brooks pulled out some pepper spray and attacked him. She escaped with his iPad, a jar full of money and—get this—his piggybank.

Fortunately, the authorities used the iPad to locate and arrest Brooks a short time later. She has been charged with armed robbery and will appear in court at the end of the month. The young victim appears to be safe, from everything but his parents’ wrath, that is. By now he probably wishes he was in jail… or feels like he is after being grounded for the rest of his teenage life.

Poor, horny bastard.

WALWORTH, WISCONSIN

Police from Wisconsin to Illinois are on the lookout for a tan pickup truck pulling a white RV and allegedly heading to Prairie du Chien, Wisconsin. Inside the vehicle are three suspects thought to be responsible for robbing a Walworth gas station last Thursday. What sets this case apart, though, is the fact that only one of the suspects—the getaway driver—was an adult.

The infamous Sly Stone (courtesy of The Radio Cure)

The armed robbers were kids: a girl between the ages of 10-13 and a boy aged 13-15. They burst into the gas station around 9 a.m., held the clerk at gunpoint, forced him to open the safe, grabbed the cash, jumped into the waiting truck and hauled ass. The vehicle was last seen heading south towards the Wisconsin-Illinois state line.

Authorities believe the suspects to be con artists who pose as a family, claim to need help and swindle money from local businesses and churches. And if nothing else, they also show just how dangerous crime can be when it becomes—to steal a phrase from Sly and the Family Stone—a “family affair.”

CHEVY CHASE, MARYLAND

Have the unfortunate events surrounding the Boston Marathon bombings taught teenagers nothing?

In the case of Maryland’s Kyle Druckemiller—a 19-year-old who goes by the name Fuhrer on his Twitter page—the answer is obviously “no.”

Earlier this month, Druckemiller was arrested after his girlfriend’s father—suspicious since the young man once brought a loaded gun into his Germantown home—searched his duffel bag and made another shocking discovery. Inside the bag were several pipe bombs, a nine-volt battery, an improvised detonator, two timers and an alligator clip with wires.

Druckemiller just realized why “bomb” and “dumb” end in the same two letters (courtesy of Montgomery County Sheriff’s Office)

Basically everything Druckemiller needed to create his own brand of domestic terrorism, if he so desired.

The good news is that nothing happened because the misguided young man is being held on $500,000 bond. If convicted, he could face as many as 25 years in prison, not to mention a $250,000 fine. Needless to say, the threat of such a punishment has caused Druckemiller to be very compliant.

He told authorities that he learned to make the bombs on YouTube, which certainly comes as no surprise. And like the Tsarnaev brothers in Boston, Druckemiller used components he took from fireworks to make the bombs—fireworks that were legally purchased in South Carolina and transported all the way back to Maryland.

Does anyone else sense a pattern forming here?

OVERLAND PARK, KANSAS

Our final story comes from Blue Valley High School in Kansas, where a seemingly harmless senior prank resulted in 100 students being suspended late last week.

In yet another display of teenage rebellion—and poor decision-making—students from Blue Valley broke a window near the pool area, poured inside, stripped down to their bathing suits—as far as I know—and proceeded to swim and cavort until a school resource officer discovered them. He prevented the students from leaving and by the time it was all said and done, all 100 students had been suspended for the remainder of Thursday and all day Friday—a forced three-day weekend that some of the students appreciated, especially seniors.

Other students, however, weren’t so pleased.

The faces of the suspended students (courtesy of KCTV 5)

“It’s a vacation for the seniors because most of them have already checked out,” sophomore David Gressgott explained later. “But for me and my friends, we’re missing class. I have a test tomorrow that I’m going to be missing and might not be able to make up.”

Some parents were also upset by the punishment, which was even applied to a young man who never jumped into the pool, but stood and recorded the incident on his cell phone.

“I don’t think it’s fair that underclassmen that were watching and not participating got suspended for simply watching a senior prank,” David Gressgott’s mother Susan told reporters.

Though I understand what she means, the fact is that once students broke into the pool area—and everyone piled in, both swimmers and spectators—a crime had already been committed. And as they always say, “Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time.”

Being a teenager isn’t easy. We all know that from either living through that period in our own lives or dealing with kids who are experiencing it now. Between raging hormones, the quest for identity and acceptance, sexual insecurities, hasty decisions and everything else tossed into the mix, it’s a wonder more teenagers don’t behave like the ones mentioned here. Actually, they probably do, only the smart ones don’t get caught or never do anything serious enough to draw attention.

Whatever the case may be, the truth is that as long as there are teenagers, there will always be teenagers in trouble. And what The Who referred to as “teenage wasteland” will undoubtedly continue with each passing generation.

It’s as predictable as night and day.

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