What would Jesus do?

Earlier this week, Mississippi Governor Phil Bryant signed into law a bill that some have described as “the most intense anti-queer legislation” ever to pass in America.

Reuters described it like this: “The far-reaching law allows people with religious objections to deny wedding services to same-sex couples. It also clears the way for employers to cite religion in determining workplace policies on dress code, grooming and bathroom and locker access.”

And like North Carolina’s recent anti-LGBT law, this one is total bullshit, as well.

Fortunately, a non-profit organization named Planting Peace responded by purchasing billboard space and posting one of the best religiously-themed billboards I have ever seen. Check it out:

And that’s how it’s done! (Planting Peace)

That’s right, haters! Jesus was about love and understanding, not hate and discrimination—and even an agnostic like me knows this! Time to tighten up on your theology!

Imagine

“Imagine” by John Lennon (cartoon by Pablo Stanley)

 

Good Cop, Better Cop

Cops can help Santa spread joy at Christmas (Thomas Nedzbala/Law Enforcement Today)

Given the recent killings of unarmed African-Americans by police—as well as the lack of indictments in these cases—it should come as no surprise that law enforcement officers are not very popular right now. Of course, we should all remember that for every bad cop, there is a good cop doing his job correctly and for the right reasons.

Don’t believe me? Then consider these stories of cops doing right by the people they serve—and spreading some Christmas joy in the meantime.

Last Saturday, officers in Boynton Beach, Florida responded to an emergency hang-up that turned out to be little girl playing with the phone in her home. While they were speaking with the girl’s mother, they learned she was a single parent who was struggling so much that she couldn’t even afford a Christmas tree. So what did they do?

They went out the next day, bought a tree with all the trimmings and delivered it to the family for Christmas. And after the little girl’s reaction “melted their hearts,” they decided to take things one step further: they plan to return with gifts, too!

Now if that doesn’t show the true meaning of Christmas, I don’t know what will… except maybe this next story!

For the past three years—as part of their Cops for Kids program—Pantego police officers in Texas have allowed drivers to get out of traffic citations not with cash, but with gift donations for Cook Children’s Hospital in Fort Worth. Here’s what drivers receive instead of a ticket:

Much better than a ticket, don’t you think? (Pantego Police Department)

How’s that for Christmas spirit?

Both of these stories should have warmed your heart, but I saved the best for last. Here’s a story that would even bring a smile to Scrooge’s face.

For several days in November, the police department in Lowell, Michigan did something completely unexpected. After pulling drivers over for minor infractions, officers made small talk with people and asked what they or their children wanted for Christmas. Little did they know that while they were speaking, a group of Santa’s helpers were standing by at a local store to purchase gifts for them, which were then delivered car-side by the very officers who pulled them!

Check out the video for yourself by going HERE. I promise it will make your day.

Yes, there are cops who break the law, abuse their power and harm—or even kill—people. However, we all need to understand that police officers are human, too. And for every bad cop, there are tens, hundreds or even thousands of officers who genuinely serve and protect us the right way—like the officers in these stories.

This Christmas, I hope we will remember them as much as we do those we lost to bad cops this year. After all, a few bad apples shouldn’t spoil the bunch, especially during the holidays!

Loving Anna Kendrick

You better be nice to Anna K! (Marie Claire)

In the December issue of Marie Claire magazine, actress Anna Kendrick—who also made the cover—discusses her physical appearance and the criticism she often receives for her looks.

“The most common thing that I get is, ‘Am I the only one who doesn’t think that Anna Kendrick is pretty?’” she said. “And you’re like, ‘No, you’re not the only one. Arguably, all of the boys in my high school agree with you.”

Apparently, this wasn’t the first time Kendrick had to defend her image. Something similar happened last August in an interview with Glamour magazine.

“The thing is, my appearance—that’s never been my moneymaker. I’m fine being small. I’m fine being all the things I am. And I’m happy I’m not supposed to be on the ’50 Most Beautiful’ list all the time, because that would be super fucking stressful,” she said.

What strikes me most about all of this is the fact that Anna Kendrick is absolutely gorgeous, talented and amazing in so many ways. How could anyone not only find her looks unattractive, but also find cause for criticizing her appearance so much she feels obligated to defend her physical form publicly?

Some people truly are dumb as shit. And I tell you what: if no one out there appreciates how beautiful and unique Anna Kendrick is, then she can come straight to me. I’ll make sure she’s treated as well as she deserves. And not a day will go by when she won’t feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. I promise you (and Anna) that.

Restored Faith

I know how you feel, Mr. President (Stress Management Tips)

Have you ever had one of those days when you felt like selling everything you owned, leaving your unsatisfying life behind and disappearing to start fresh somewhere else, most likely as a completely different person?

I have. And it’s happened almost daily since I quit smoking nearly two weeks ago.

Granted, I know the nicotine withdrawal my body is experiencing has something to do with it. I was a smoker for almost three decades, so I knew the physical effects would be pretty intense. And I honestly don’t miss cigarettes at all. They’re nothing more than little white and brown devils that make me feel terrible the moment I light them up, so what’s to miss?

No, the real problem is the effect non-smoking has had on my tolerance level for bullshit. I mean, I always had road rage. Only now I get so annoyed by bad drivers that I’m tempted to run them off the road every time they pull out in front of me, travel slower than the posted speed limit or focus more attention on their cell phones than the road ahead. Sure, they may receive a one-finger greeting or an expletive-filled “how-de-do,” but I still fantasize about doing something more serious in nature.

Of course, the recent mid-term elections didn’t help my outlook much, either. After years of gridlock and partisan posturing in Washington, we can now look forward to even more political bullshit in the next few years. To me, a Republican-run House and Senate mean nothing significant will be accomplished… and more people will get screwed in the process. Take Obamacare, for instance, which the GOP hopes to repeal. I know it isn’t perfect, but now we can look forward to insurance companies sticking it to people once again. And as long as big companies and corporations get paid—along with Republicans themselves—it’s all good, right?

Wrong. Politics are a joke and Washington seems like little more than a bad comedy club.

Yes, things seemed pretty grim earlier today. Fortunately, though, I read a story that lifted my spirits and restored my faith in humanity… at least for now.

Dylan and his buddy Jonah (David Siegel)

The story was about Dylan Siegel, an 8-year-old boy from Los Angeles who published a book entitled Chocolate Bar. To date, his book has sold more than 21,000 copies, which in itself is quite a feat, especially for someone so young. What touched me was the fact that Dylan hasn’t made one penny off his book sales. Instead, all of the proceeds are going towards a University of Florida fund to support research on glycogen storage disease, otherwise known as GSD.

Glycogen storage disease affects how people process sugars and, believe it or not, Dylan’s best friend Jonah suffers from the affliction. Jonah’s body cannot process sugars, so his parents have to feed him a special diet… and through a tube in his stomach, no less. To help his friend—and to hopefully find a cure for the disease—Dylan donated his book earnings to the cause and launched a fundraising campaign that has almost reached $1 million. Support has poured in from more than 60 countries around the globe and, with any luck, even more donations are forthcoming.

And Dylan could not be happier.

“I am so, so, so excited to be able to help my friend,” the young author said recently. “I am thankful to people everywhere for letting me share my story and inspire kids to change the world.”

Maybe there’s hope for the human race yet…and for non-smokers like me, as well. Thanks for the inspiration, Dylan!

The Big Day

Will Germany defeat the Argentines as they did in the 2010 World Cup quarterfinals? Or will this be Argentina’s year to raise the cup high? (Franck Robichon/European Pressphoto Agency)

After a month of some of the greatest soccer ever played, the Big Day has finally arrived: the 2014 World Cup final.

In just a few hours, soccer giants Germany and Argentina will face off to see who the best team in the world really is. Outstanding players like Muller, Messi, Klose and Higuain will strive to bring the esteemed cup home and it should be a battle for the ages—not to mention a stressful two hours or more for me, a huge Argentina fan.

As you might imagine, the Germans are the favorites after destroying opponents in the tournament, most notably the Brazilians by a score of 7-1 a few days ago. The Argentines have also rolled through the World Cup, only most of their wins have been by one goal. And honestly, one goal may be all it takes to win the championship today. I only hope it comes from the foot of Messi.

Of course, the German team has plans of its own, as well as the weapons needed to secure victory. They play hard and fast, which means Argentina’s defense will have to be ready not only to stop their endless attacks, but to provide counterstrike opportunities for their frontline. Messi will have to be on his game more than ever, in other words, especially if he hopes to surpass Diego Maradona as the best Argentine player of all time.

Messi has to win the cup, in other words, and I for one hope he does. I have great respect for the Germans—who were incredibly humble in their dismantling of the home team—but for Argentina I have something that I hope will prevail: love.

Your time has come, Argentina. Let’s show the world some of that Messi magic and bring the World Cup back to South America!

Inflatable Love

How is it possible that this handsome devil can’t find a real woman? (Hamilton PD)

Edwin Tobergta of Ohio has a problem: he loves inflatables… a little too much.

Last week, Tobergta was arrested in the town of Hamilton after someone spotted him naked on Route 4 pleasuring himself with a pink pool flotation device—basically a raft. He was in full view of local businesses and passing cars, but didn’t seem to care until the cops showed up to arrest him. Tobergta was later charged with contempt of court and public indecency, but this wasn’t his first such offense, I’m afraid.

In 2002, Tobergta was arrested for simulating sex with an inflatable pumpkin. Nine years later, he was caught in an alley with his pants down, trying to bang—you guessed it—a pink, inflatable raft. And believe it or not, but he was busted again in 2013 for attempting to “make love” to the very same pink raft!

I guess no one told him they make inflatable sex dolls for this very reason, huh? Of course, inflatable rafts are likely much cheaper and easier to replace at the nearest surf shop or Walmart, so I’m sure some of his reasons are economic in nature. Crazy yet frugal bastard!

Kung-Fu Kitty

This poor little guy needed ten stitches, but it could have been worse if not for Tara (Scripps Media/ABC News)

This VIDEO has gone viral, so there’s a good chance you may have seen it already. Nevertheless, I wanted to blog about arguably the coolest cat in the country: Tara from Bakersfield, CA.

Earlier this week, a young boy was riding his tricycle in the front yard of his home when surveillance video captured a vicious attack. His neighbors’ dog—who apparently got off his leash and was looking for trouble—suddenly “bum rushed” him, bit into his leg and started to drag him across the lawn.

Fortunately, Tara came to his rescue.

From off-screen, you can see the pissed-off pussy come flying into view—paws with claws spread in attack formation—and defend his “little brother.” And if you thought scaredy dogs didn’t exist, think again. This poor furry bastard learned his lesson and took off once he saw the feline fury heading his way. And do you know what impelled this kitty to defend his young owner?

Love, baby… and isn’t that what life is all about?

“O” My Goodness!

Beware! Sex stuff ahead! (Washington Post)

WARNING! Mature subject matter ahead! Proceed at your own risk!

The female orgasm is not something I discuss—or even achieve—very often, but I have no doubt that it exists. Of course, the proof is in the proverbial pudding, so here are a few examples I hope will support the existence of The Big O.

That or they will prove the natural proclivity of females for drama and deception. And trust me when I tell you this statement carries no judgment on my part. Again, I’m a believer in the female orgasm, so we’re really on the same side.

My first example comes from the Dutch dance music trio ADAM, who just released a new VIDEO for their single “Go to Go.” It’s rather minimalist—both visually and musically—but there is one major difference that makes it absolutely delightful: the women are using vibrators to achieve orgasm as they sing!

Their vibrating friends are off-screen, of course, and—as you might imagine—the song kind of falls apart towards the end… in a very good way. I thoroughly enjoyed watching it… and watching it… and watching it… and I hope you enjoy it, too.

Be right back. I just watched it again and I need a quick cigarette. Talk amongst yourselves.

Wow. That music video will be hard to top. We’ll give it a try anyway and move to Venice Beach, California for our second example.

These guys crack me up! (Simple Pickup/YouTube)

Simple Pickup is an all-male group known for their outrageous videos and stunts, all designed to inform their fellow men on a range of topics. And their latest endeavor has some people up-in-arms once again.

Last week, SP took a Sybian to Venice Beach. For the uninitiated—which included me until recently—a Sybian is a vibrating pleasure saddle for women. I can draw you a diagram, if you like, but that description should suffice. It paints quite a picture, don’t you think?

In support of the Orchid Project—a nonprofit that seeks to end the practice of female genital mutilation (FGM)—Simple Pickup planned to donate $5 for every second a woman remained on the Sybian. They also pledged another $100 for every 100,000 views their video received online. You can see it for yourself by going HERE.

Although numerous women stopped to enjoy the vibrating toy—in plain view of passersby and even cops, who didn’t seem to mind—some have criticized SP for being insensitive to the consequences of FGM, which is practiced as a way to reduce a woman’s sexual pleasure.

Sorry, but I disagree.

If the goal is to end FGM, then one of the intended results is to allow women more sexual pleasure. In this way, I don’t believe that showing American women coming close to—or even having—an orgasm is insensitive. Instead, it might make American women more aware of what their FGM sisters are missing, more sensitive to their plight and more likely to donate to their cause. Tell me again how that’s a bad thing?

Plus it’s an awesome video to watch… and it might be time to bring a Sybian into my neighborhood, too!

Human Relations, Vols. I-II

Not ALL men are as dumb as they seem… MOST, but not ALL (AC Stuart)

Guys, it looks like size does matter after all… but there is always hope (JL Westover)