Best Arrest Photo Ever

America’s next top model perhaps? (Fresno County Sheriffs Office)

Last Wednesday evening, Robert Lopez of Kingsburg, California was arrested after neighbors reported him watering his lawn in the nude.

When Fresno County Deputies arrived on the scene, they found Lopez drinking beer in the buff and asked him to put some clothes on, which he refused to do, of course.

At this point, Lopez started to hurl profanity at the officers—along with a beer bottle, which shattered on a nearby fence—and then threatened to grab his gun and shoot the deputies. He rushed into his home and resurfaced moments later wearing shorts. Instead of a gun, however, Lopez was carrying an 8-inch knife.

Fortunately, the officers were able to wrestle the knife away from Lopez and shot a bean bag round at his stomach, which immediately sent him to the ground. They put the cuffs on and before dragging him away, took his picture.

And a more bizarre arrest photo, you will not find. I assure you.

Rice Crisp Pee Treats

Don’t eat yellow snow or brown Rice Krispies treats! (Chocolate Covered Katie)

Last week, a video surfaced on Worldstarhiphop.com that showed an incident from a Kellogg’s cereal production plant in Memphis, Tennessee—a very disturbing video.

The video was taken during a labor dispute at the factory several years ago. It showed one of the disgruntled employees on the production line adding a special ingredient to the mix: his urine.

Kellogg’s, of course, released a statement earlier this week: “It is important to note that any products that could be potentially impacted would be very limited and past their expiration dates. These potentially impacted products include Rice Krispies Treats, granola clusters used in a couple of products, and a few other puffed rice treats that we no longer make.”

Although the man in the video has yet to be identified—or punished for peeing in the puffed rice—an investigation is ongoing. Of course, the tainted cereal was never recalled, which means it was likely consumed by unaware cereal lovers.

It could be worse, though. Had this employee been even more upset, then the slogan for Rice Krispies could have been changed to “snap, crackle, poop”!

Justice for Erin

Way to go, Erin! (E Online)

Privacy is something most of us take for granted in today’s digital age of smartphones and social media. We simply assume the things we say or do could be broadcast around the world at the push of a button—and many of us do whatever is necessary to prevent this from happening.

Others love this kind of attention and document every mundane activity from their lives on websites like Facebook and Instagram. I mean, why else would people share images of the dinner they’re preparing to eat or post endless, narcissistic “selfies” of themselves making duck lips?

Unfortunately, there is a dark side to the Internet and our digital loss of privacy—a dark side that sportscaster Erin Andrews knows all too well.

In 2008, a video surfaced online of Andrews in a Nashville Marriott at Vanderbilt University—a nude video. She didn’t film and post it herself, though. A peeping Tom named Michael Barrett did. And the entire video was shot through the keyhole in her hotel room door without her knowledge.

As you might imagine, any video of a beautiful, naked woman garners seemingly endless attention online. And when the woman is as well-known as Andrews, it grabs even more attention. What’s worse is that removing the video once it hits the web does nothing. It exists eternally in cyberspace and, in the case of this video, has been viewed more than 17 million times.

Erin in court (US Magazine)

The good news is that Andrews took action and sued those responsible not only for the video, but for allowing it to be recorded at all. Barrett, the hotel owner and the hotel operator were all deemed responsible. And yesterday, a jury ruled in Andrews’ favor, awarding her a judgment of $55 million.

Andrews took to Twitter shortly thereafter to express her gratitude over the ruling: “I would like to thank the Nashville court, the court personnel and the jury for their service. The support I’ve received from the people of Nashville has been overwhelming. I would also like thank my family, friends and legal team. I’ve been honored by all the support victims around the world. Their outreach has helped me be able to stand up and hold accountable those whose job it is to protect everyone’s safety, security and privacy.”

Personally, I could not be happier for Erin and commend her on being so brave. And I sincerely hope that her life can return to normal now that those responsible have been punished.

Congratulations, sister! I’m proud of you!

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Have you seen this man? (Mount Healthy PD)

Police in the Midwest are on the lookout for a serial thief who has been stealing obscene amounts of the hair growth drug Rogaine—as well as the memory supplement Prevagen—from drug stores in the region.

And yes, the suspect is bald.

Mr. Clean’s most recent theft involved nearly $900 of the hair regrowth treatment from a Walgreen’s in Mount Healthy, Ohio. However, he has been linked to additional thefts in other Ohio cities—like Cleveland and Cincinnati—as well as Kentucky.

“We’re scratching our heads on this,” Mount Healthy PD Detective Chris Jones said recently. “No pun intended, I guess.”

Authorities don’t believe the bald burglar is using the Rogaine himself—judging from his still shiny and hairless scalp—but think he may be reselling it online or at flea markets.

The search continues, for now, but there is one thing this guy could do to prevent his arrest: start using the product himself. After all, no one’s looking for a hairy suspect—at least not until he starts stealing hair care products, that is!

Tis the Season

Keep your candy cane and jingle balls to yourself! (funnytreat.com)

Christmas is a magical season.

Aside from all the wonderful gifts people give and receive, the yuletide time of year generally means reflecting on the year that passed, spending time with loved ones and enjoying the cheerful nature of the holidays.

Unfortunately, it is also a season of shock and weirdness, as the following stories so clearly illustrate.

BAREFOOT BAY, FLORIDA

Police in Brevard County received a call that two suspicious men were milling around behind homes in a local community. The alleged burglars were wily enough to avoid arrest, but not for long. One of the men was eventually caught by the authorities. The other—22-year-old Matthew Riggins—wasn’t so lucky, though. He decided to hide in a nearby pond and wasn’t “done in” by the cops; he was killed by a ferocious, 11-foot-long alligator! I guess Mother Nature decided to dole out justice on this occasion, huh?

Probably best to take those inside (freestockphotos.biz)

HENRICO, VIRGINIA

Have you ever been working or playing outdoors, only to dirty your shoes so much you had to leave them outside your door to air out? I’m sure most of us have at one time or another, but doing this in Henrico County could be especially hazardous. A math teacher from Varina High School was just arrested not for stealing shoes, per se, but for doing something slightly more disturbing: stealing shoes and then returning them with bodily fluids inside! Authorities would not elaborate on what fluids were present, but they did say the material was not fecal and instead contained “biological evidence,” so it’s pretty obvious that baby batter was the culprit. And nothing says happy holidays like semen-filled sneakers!

CORNWALL, ENGLAND

Some people love sports, some love television, some love cars and some even love recreational vehicles—literally! One such person is an unidentified man from the United Kingdom who was just busted for doing something unexpected: trying to make love to a camper van. Apparently, the man was seen one night on a well-lit street lowering himself onto the metal tow ball of a nearby camper. He was spotted by a 15-year-old girl—who was thoroughly traumatized by the experience—but thankfully received only a warning. RV rape simply isn’t a punishable offense across the pond… not yet, at least.

Not everyone can appreciate an undead baby Jesus (Jasen Dixon)

SYCAMORE TOWNSHIP, OHIO

A man and his family are under fire in Ohio for displaying a rather unusual nativity scene. All the major players are there—baby Jesus, wise men, animals and such—but with one major difference: they’re all zombies! Of course, it didn’t take long for neighbors to complain and for one to leave a note that read “God frowns upon this manger scene.” I guess they forgot that theoretically, Jesus was the first zombie. He did rise from the dead, after all.

This concludes my first official Christmas post, but with several weeks left before the big holiday, I’m sure it won’t be my last. Ho, ho, ho!

Poetic Justice

Grateful dogs preparing for the feast (Google Plus)

When people commit crimes against other people, news sites rush to get the stories so they can broadcast them endlessly through nearly every electronic device known to man, and even some low-tech sources like newspapers and magazines. However, stories involving crimes against animals are far less prevalent, despite animal cruelty being a huge problem in our allegedly modern world.

One such crime is known as animal hoarding—and it involves exactly what you might expect: collecting animals without having the means or desire to care for them correctly.

According to the ASPCA’s website, “animal hoarding is covered implicitly under every state’s animal cruelty statute, which typically requires caretakers to provide sufficient food, water and veterinary care. In most cases, criminal prosecution of animal hoarding can be a difficult process and may not be the most effective route, since hoarders are often emotionally troubled rather than criminally inclined.”

You may not think this happens very often, but believe me, it does. Consider the recent case of an Arkansas dog hoarder that made headlines last week.

Van Buren County Sheriff’s deputies were called to the woman’s property and found more than 50 aggressive and malnourished dogs around her home. They even had to shoot some of them just to get into her house. And when they did, they made a gruesome discovery. The 65-year-old hoarder—who suffered from Hepatitis C—was dead… and that wasn’t even the worst part.

Some of the dogs had been feeding on her corpse!

I suppose the old adage is true even in the animal kingdom: what goes around, comes around. And if there is a silver lining to this story, I guess it’s that at least some of these malnourished canines got the Thanksgiving meal they so desperately needed.

Crapping Out

Hendrix was busted by skid marks! (Denver District Attorney)

They say that crime doesn’t pay, but before DNA testing became the norm, it often did. As long as criminals weren’t caught on camera, identified by eyewitnesses or “fingered” due to some incriminating physical evidence, they could get away with murder. And I mean that both literally and figuratively.

Committing crimes today, however, is a much more difficult endeavor.

Sure, some criminals escape without leaving a trace—or so they believe—but even a single hair at a crime scene could be enough to secure an arrest thanks to DNA testing. Today’s criminals have to be extremely savvy if they hope to evade the authorities. And they have to start with a nearly foolproof plan that leaves no risk of capture.

Unfortunately, no one bothered to let 49-year-old Rodney Mark Hendrix of Denver, Colorado know.

In August 2014, Hendrix was arrested for stealing more than $4000 worth of electronics and musical instruments from a church and pre-school. He was charged with theft, burglary and identity theft—and has since been jailed for drug offenses—but it isn’t what he did that caught my eye; it’s how he was caught that truly makes his case interesting.

You see, an employee at the pre-school noticed some poop-stained shorts in a bathroom at the crime scene, bagged them up and handed them over to police. The shorts were immediately sent for DNA testing—which took more than a year—but the results were incontrovertible: Hendrix was the culprit.

“In Colorado, a DNA sample is taken for anyone who is arrested for a felony,” Lynn Kimbrough, a spokesperson for the Denver District Attorney, told reporters. “So when they ran the unknown sample, his DNA was already in the system.”

Why Hendrix didn’t realize this is beyond me, but what is more disturbing is this: What the hell was he doing shitting in his shorts and leaving them behind?

I guess crime isn’t for everyone—especially those with weak constitutions and loose bowels!

The Biggest Loser

Brewton appears to be growing some kind of hair hat (Spartanburg PD)

Before I begin, I should make it clear that the title of this post does not reference the NBC reality show of the same name. Instead, it focuses on actual losers, not those who lose tons of weight. I do want to commend individuals who shed poundage, though. Keep up the good work!

No, the losers mentioned here won’t be featured on television, celebrated for their achievements or applauded for changing their lives in positive ways. Quite the opposite, actually. But one thing is for certain: they are all entertaining in their own ways. Don’t take my word for it, though. Read on and see who you feel is THE BIGGEST LOSER.

SPARTANBURG, SC: 46-year-old Annetta Brewton had a pretty interesting Tuesday, to say the least. She visited a strip mall, entered a Sav-A-Lot store and was seen shoplifting several steaks by shoving them in her shirt. Before the police could respond to the call placed by a store employee who witnessed the theft, though, Brewton left and entered a second store. This time, she didn’t steal anything; she just started begging for money and fondling other shoppers. When she was asked to leave, Brewton started cursing, dropped her pants and flashed her lady parts… but she didn’t stop there. She then ran down the street, broke into an elderly woman’s home and asked the lady to play cards with her.

Rubin assaulted strangers with urine (Multnomah County Sheriff)

By the time police arrived, Brewton had locked herself inside and refused to leave because she was using the toilet. And yes, her pants were down again. She was arrested, of course, but then kicked out the back window of the police car on the way to the station. Needless to say, she now faces charges that include burglary, indecent exposure, kidnapping and shoplifting. Sadly, styling her hair in a pseudo “uni-brow” isn’t a crime, but it likely should be.

PORTLAND, OR: Our next loser is 27-year-old Jeff Rubin, who was arrested last Friday after his JetBlue flight arrived at Portland International Airport. Apparently, Rubin slept through most of the flight, but stood up shortly before landing and started to pee on the passengers in front of him. At one point he even lost his balance, fell backwards and continued to spray everything—and everyone—around him. No one knows what motivated Rubin to provide golden shower service to those on the flight with him, but he was arrested and now faces charges of offensive littering and criminal mischief.

Good luck maintaining eye contact with King (Palm Beach County Jail)

WEST PALM BEACH, FL: Our final loser is 33-year-old Jefferson King, who was arrested at Burger King last week for a Whopper of a crime. According to eyewitnesses, King was seen sitting near the bathrooms and playing not with his burger, but with his hot dog. And yes, by “hot dog” I do mean his penis. A woman witnessed his self-love and asked what he was doing. “I’m playing with my penis!” he exclaimed. A manager asked King to leave, but he refused and continued to slap his salami. Officers were called and arrested King for indecent exposure, but even then he said that he had done nothing wrong. Judging from his mug shot, though, it seems public masturbation is the least of King’s problems!

Who is the biggest loser of the bunch, you ask? Hell, I think all three deserve the honor!

Deranged

Crazy is as crazy does (Associated Press)

It has been said that you should never judge a book by its cover. Unless, of course, the cover is this image of Connor MacCalister, a deranged woman—transitioning to a man—from Saco, Maine.

Last week, MacCalister went to Shaw’s supermarket in Saco, tailed 59-year-old Wendy Boudreau from the parking lot into the store, grabbed her from behind in the ice cream aisle and slit her throat.

Apparently, she thought Boudreau “looked at [her] funny” and, since she was off her meds and not thinking straight, decided to attack her. Boudreau later died at the hospital.

Following her arrest, MacCalister confessed to planning the random attack over the course of a month. She was “angry with life and wanted to get back at someone.” The bug-eyed killer targeted older women “whom she knew wouldn’t resist” and her initial plan was to murder “several random people.”

Yes, the world is a crazy place full of crazy people—and judging from this picture, MacCalister is undoubtedly at the top of this list. So watch your backs, people. You just never know who might be lurking there.

Holy Shih Tzu!

Sadly, the creep in this story gave a little too much (Zazzle)

No one said marriage would be easy. And a woman in Alabama just learned this the hard way.

On Friday night, 39-year-old Jonathan Edward Medley of Geneva, Alabama was arrested and charged with animal cruelty.

Apparently, his wife thought he was cheating on her, so she set up a hidden recording device in their home hoping to catch him in the act. And believe me, she caught something I’m sure she never expected.

Medley was supposedly upset with his wife for showing her dog more attention than she showed him. So what did he do to get back at her?

He molested her two-year-old, ten-pound shih tzu Buster.

Fortunately for Medley, Alabama got rid of its bestiality law and he was only charged with a misdemeanor. I hope this doesn’t encourage more sex with animals in the state, but I’m certain it will do little to deter it.

The good news is that Buster has been checked out and is doing fine. Whether or not he ever trusts another human male remains to be seen, though.