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World Champs!

USA v Japan: Final - FIFA Women's World Cup 2015

The U.S. women will bring the World Cup trophy stateside! (Dennis Grombkowski/Getty Images)

Congratulations to the U.S. Women’s National Team!

Thanks to a strong offensive attack—including a hat trick of goals from Carli Lloyd, the first ever to achieve this feat in the FIFA Women’s World Cup—the USA defeated defending champion Japan 5-2 to bring home the trophy.

It’s their first national title since 1999 and their third overall.

“Pure elation” is how head coach Jill Ellis described the victory. “I’m just so, so proud of this team. I’m so happy for them, so happy for every little girl who dreams about this.”

In the highest scoring final in Women’s World Cup history, the U.S. struck early and often, with the first goal coming in the third minute—the fastest ever scored in this competition.

By the 16th minute, the U.S. led 4-0 and never looked back. And now they are the undisputed world champions.

Way to go, USA!

Two-Car Garage

Bankson has it all: good looks, talent and a double hoo-ha (NY Brunettes)

For human beings, paired body parts are the norm. We have two eyes, two ears, two legs, two hands—and in the case of males, two heads (one above the shoulders and another below). But imagine being female and discovering you also have two vaginas, two cervixes and two wombs. This condition is known as uterus didelphys and it apparently affects fewer than 100 women around the world.

American model Cassandra Bankson is one of them. And until last year, she had no idea she even had it—until she went to see her doctor about her constant back pain.

“When we got the test results back the doctor said I only had one kidney and flippantly added that I have two vaginas—as she suspected,” Bankson said in a recent interview. “There is one vaginal opening but inside there are two vaginas, two uteri, two cervixes and two fallopian tubes.”

Having trouble picturing it? So was I, at first, until Bankson described it as being an “upside-down nose.” Kind of like a two-car garage with one door.

Bankson’s condition is serious since it could affect her ability to have kids and often results in periods that can last as long as three or four weeks. There is hope, though, especially since a woman in India with the same affliction gave birth to twins in 2011—one in each uterus.

Of course, now I’m starting to wonder how many double-dicked dudes are running around out there!

Arousing Rousey

Last Saturday night, UFC women’s bantamweight champ and ass-kicking machine Ronda Rousey defeated Cat Zingano in only 14 seconds and moved her overall record to 11-0. Of course, Rousey isn’t just the most dangerous woman around; she is also one of the sexiest… and here are some pics to prove it. Enjoy!

 

Beshine the Unsinkable

You think these jugs are big? Think again! (etsy.com)

You think these jugs are big? Think again! (etsy.com)

Have you ever wondered who has the largest augmented breasts in the world? I know that I have. And finally, we have our answer.

It is 27-year-old German model and boob-enlarging addict Mayra Hills, otherwise known as Beshine. And this 5-foot-6 blonde bombshell didn’t stop with double Ds or even double Ts, for that matter. She kept upgrading until she hit a whopping 32Z!

Of course, the proof is in the pudding, so to speak. Check her out:

The exercise ball is on the left, just in case you were wondering (Beshine/Twitter)

The exercise ball is on the left, just in case you were wondering (Beshine/Twitter)

Curious why she couldn’t stop with normal large breasts? Here’s how Beshine explained it:

“I just wanted to have bigger and bigger boobs and the boobie greed monster in me never stopped being greedy and hungry. So some time ago when I reached a certain size, fans from all over the world started to tell me that I have the largest augmented boobs. That’s cool and sounds interesting and it seems that I have reached a milestone. But for me the most important thing is, that I follow my inner voice and I currently have not reached my goal. My fans know what that means.”

As ridiculous as this may seem to you and me, one thing is for certain: If Beshine had been on the Titanic, there’s NO WAY it would have sunk!

Gyno-Games

This is how the SKEA works (Tom Chen/Wired)

This is how the SKEA works (Tom Chen/Wired)

Most women I know cannot stand video games, mostly because they have distracted someone in their lives from actually spending time with them or doing something more productive (i.e. a boyfriend, husband or son, in most cases). Granted, there have been some exceptions over the years—all of which I can count on one hand—but very few females in my world would ever consider picking up a game controller and cutting loose on some Grand Theft Auto V.

Of course, this could change very soon thanks to Tom Chen, a game designer and physicist in Beijing, China.

In an effort to bring more women into the video game fold—and to provide them additional benefits at the same time—Chen created SKEA (Smart Kegel Exercise Aid). Basically, this is a device that fits into a woman’s vagina and allows her to play hands-free video games using only the muscles of her lady parts.

Alice In Continent (Tom Shen/Enterprise Gamification)

“Pelvic floor-related diseases are very common, affecting half of all [women]. My wife got it after giving birth,” Chen said in a video included in his Kickstarter campaign. “When she found herself unable to control her piss, she was really pissed off.”

Accompanying SKEA is the first game designed for this new technology, Alice In Continent. It’s kind of like Temple Run except women clench and release their vaginal muscles to help Alice avoid obstacles, rather than pressing buttons.

What will they think of next? A sleeve for your penis that converts it into a joystick?

Jingle All the Way

They shake like two bowls full of jelly! (Sara X/YouTube)

They shake like two bowls full of jelly! (Sara X/YouTube)

In need of a little more Christmas cheer?

If so, then look no further than this VIDEO posted by none other than Sara X, the infamous boob-twerking model whose implants danced to Mozart in October—and raised awareness and money for breast cancer research in the process.

This Christmas, her boobs are twerking to that holiday favorite “Jingle Bells.” And their performance will warm your heart… and maybe a few other places depending on your sexual orientation.

I hope it brings you as much joy and wonder as I would experience if Sara X were sitting across from me with her hands behind her back!

Ho ho ho!

Blown Away

Megan Davis Hoelting.

Megan Hoelting blows… literally! (PinIt)

I never thought I would see the day when the words “unwanted fellatio” appeared in a news story, but today is indeed that day.

Last Monday, 31-year-old Megan Davis Hoelting was arrested in Texas and charged with felony burglary with the intent of committing sexual assault. Apparently, she snuck through an unlocked gate outside the home of one of her husband’s friends, entered the man’s bedroom, straddled him while he slept and started giving him oral pleasure.

The man awoke and “felt the offender place his penis in her mouth.” He immediately recognized her and asked her to leave, but had to call 911 when she refused. She was arrested a short time later and is now being held in the county jail.

How could anyone cheat on someone so lovely? (Gawker)

How could anyone cheat on someone as lovely as Sadie Bell? (Gawker)

In other words, it’s no coincidence that her last name begins with the letters H-O-E.

As unusual as this story is, it is nothing compared to the tale of Michigan’s Sadie Bell. This 58-year-old woman was just granted bond after shooting her lover, Edward Lee, in the stomach earlier this year. Apparently, she suspected him of cheating on her since he “didn’t produce enough ejaculate” during sex.

Whoever said that “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” certainly knew what they were talking about, huh?

Where’s the Beaver?

reproductive diagram

Has anyone seen the beaver? (PinIt)

According to the British women’s cancer research charity The Eve Appeal—and released as part of Gynecological Cancer Awareness Month—at least half of young women (ages 26-35) in the United Kingdom have no idea where their vaginas are located.

Women were provided with a diagram of the female reproductive system and were asked to identify important features like the cervix, womb, ovaries, vulva and, of course, the vagina. Sadly, only half of them were able to point out the “hoo-ha,” which is pretty disturbing.

As a public service—and despite being on the other side of the world—I would like to offer my services to these ladies. If any of you would like me to identify your vaginas for you, please send pictures and an email to gnosticbent@outlook.com. I am more than happy to help.

Row Naked

warwick

How could anyone find this offensive? (Warwick Rowing)

Since 2009, the University of Warwick men’s rowing team has produced a naked calendar to raise money for cancer research and support. And in 2013, the women’s rowing team decided to join them, only their experience wasn’t quite as positive.

For whatever reason, the team’s Facebook page started receiving complaints from prudes everywhere, but it never caused any serious problems—until last week, that is.

Because “some people” found the 2014 images of gorgeous, naked women doing rowing-type things offensive—and I have no idea who those people might be, aside from a bunch of buzz kills—Facebook deleted the team’s page last week. However, the page for the naked men’s rowing team was allowed to remain untouched, a fact that upset many female rowers, including calendar organizer Sophie Bell.

“Facebook has unpublished our page a few times since we created it, due to what it deemed ‘inappropriate images,’” Bell said recently.

warwick rowing

Sorry, but this is what I imagine Heaven must look like (Warwick Rowing)

Fellow rower Frankie Salzano also could not understand the ban. “We have worked hard to create a tasteful and artistic calendar in which the girls’ bodies are strategically covered,” she told The Huffington Post. “The photographs we feel are an accurate representation of an athletic female body, something to be celebrated and not shunned, especially because there are Facebook pages that are degrading to the female form.”

I could not agree more, Frankie. And fortunately, Facebook finally came around and lifted the ban last Friday morning. Of course, all of this begs the question:

If Facebook gives my information to third-party vendors, experiments on me and other users without our permission, and then permits “man ass” over young, naked women, why the hell do I still have an account there?

“O” My Goodness!

Beware! Sex stuff ahead! (Washington Post)

Beware! Sex stuff ahead! (Washington Post)

WARNING! Mature subject matter ahead! Proceed at your own risk!

The female orgasm is not something I discuss—or even achieve—very often, but I have no doubt that it exists. Of course, the proof is in the proverbial pudding, so here are a few examples I hope will support the existence of The Big O.

That or they will prove the natural proclivity of females for drama and deception. And trust me when I tell you this statement carries no judgment on my part. Again, I’m a believer in the female orgasm, so we’re really on the same side.

My first example comes from the Dutch dance music trio ADAM, who just released a new VIDEO for their single “Go to Go.” It’s rather minimalist—both visually and musically—but there is one major difference that makes it absolutely delightful: the women are using vibrators to achieve orgasm as they sing!

Their vibrating friends are off-screen, of course, and—as you might imagine—the song kind of falls apart towards the end… in a very good way. I thoroughly enjoyed watching it… and watching it… and watching it… and I hope you enjoy it, too.

Be right back. I just watched it again and I need a quick cigarette. Talk amongst yourselves.

Wow. That music video will be hard to top. We’ll give it a try anyway and move to Venice Beach, California for our second example.

These guys crack me up! (Simple Pickup/YouTube)

These guys crack me up! (Simple Pickup/YouTube)

Simple Pickup is an all-male group known for their outrageous videos and stunts, all designed to inform their fellow men on a range of topics. And their latest endeavor has some people up-in-arms once again.

Last week, SP took a Sybian to Venice Beach. For the uninitiated—which included me until recently—a Sybian is a vibrating pleasure saddle for women. I can draw you a diagram, if you like, but that description should suffice. It paints quite a picture, don’t you think?

In support of the Orchid Project—a nonprofit that seeks to end the practice of female genital mutilation (FGM)—Simple Pickup planned to donate $5 for every second a woman remained on the Sybian. They also pledged another $100 for every 100,000 views their video received online. You can see it for yourself by going HERE.

Although numerous women stopped to enjoy the vibrating toy—in plain view of passersby and even cops, who didn’t seem to mind—some have criticized SP for being insensitive to the consequences of FGM, which is practiced as a way to reduce a woman’s sexual pleasure.

Sorry, but I disagree.

If the goal is to end FGM, then one of the intended results is to allow women more sexual pleasure. In this way, I don’t believe that showing American women coming close to—or even having—an orgasm is insensitive. Instead, it might make American women more aware of what their FGM sisters are missing, more sensitive to their plight and more likely to donate to their cause. Tell me again how that’s a bad thing?

Plus it’s an awesome video to watch… and it might be time to bring a Sybian into my neighborhood, too!

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