Monthly Archives: November 2012

Show Some Skin

I have always been a fan of great advertising, especially when it’s for a good cause. And since I also love animals, I can’t help but being drawn to the “I’d Rather Go Naked than Wear Fur” and nearly every other ad campaign by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), one of the world’s largest animal rights organizations. I suppose it helps that most of the celebrities who model for these advertisements are female, a fact this heterosexual male finds even more appealing since I am also a well-known “ass man”—and there are no shortage of nice booties in these advertisements, either. So in the interest of serving my own desires—as well as supporting a cause I truly believe in—here are some of my favorite PETA ads of all time. And don’t worry… I threw in some guys just to be fair to the ladies in the crowd.

Warning: Nudity ahead! Anyone easily offended by naked folks should probably pass this by!

 

New Drug on the NFL Field

Please don’t let it come to this! (courtesy of icanhascheezburger.com)

According to Chicago Bearswide receiver Brandon Marshall, some NFL players are now using a very specific drug to give them an edge on the football field: Viagra.

Since the “little blue pill” increases blood flow, normally to a very specific area, players have found it also moves oxygen around the body faster and improves endurance. Athletes in other sports have used Viagra in the past, especially in cycling. I’m sure Lance Armstrong is on that list.

I’m not sure how effective Viagra really is, but I do know one thing: this gives a whole new meaning to the term “stiff arm.”

Fall from Grace: Lisa Robin Kelly

1x1.trans That 70s Show Star Lisa Robin Kelly Arrested Again!

Kelly before and after (courtesy of StupidCelebrities.com)

For five seasons, Lisa Robin Kelly played Laurie Forman on the popular Fox comedy “That ’70s Show.” Alongside her were blossoming stars like Topher Grace, Ashton Kutcher and the lovely Mila Kunis.

Unfortunately, Kelly’s career didn’t blossom and her life has been spiralling out of control ever since. I’m also happy to report that she lives in my own state of North Carolina, which makes me and all my fellow residents so proud.

In 2010, Kelly was arrested for drunk driving, received a hefty fine and spent a year on probation. This past March, she was arrested on federal charges of corporal injury on her spouse.

And now she’s in trouble once again.

Earlier this week, Kelly and her 61-year-old husband were arrested for assault on each other after police responded to a domestic disturbance. Although drugs and alcohol were not involved, it’s obvious that these “incidents” are taking their toll on Kelly. Just check out her before and after photos.

I suppose the good news is that Kelly wasn’t much of a celebrity to begin with, so she gets far less coverage than media darlings like Lindsay Lohan or Amanda Bynes. And personally, I hope we stop hearing about all of them sooner rather than later.

The Case of the Contraband Crotch

Panic-stricken: Amanatides then kicks the pills around the floor in a panic, trying to hide the evidence

Maybe they won’t notice (courtesy of TimesUnion.com)

Andrea Amanatides is a 38-year-old woman in Albany, New York, scheduled to begin a six-month prison stint for a probation violation. She is also one of the worst prison smugglers in the history of crime.

While waiting in a holding cell in an Albany County Jail, and in full view of a surveillance camera, Amanatides had an accident. In an effort to make her prison time more enjoyable, she had hidden a condom inside her “hoo-ha” that included several bags of heroin, as well as more than 250 prescription pills ranging from Adderall and Valium to Lyrica and Ambien.

Unfortunately, the condom she selected must have been a Rough Rider from the corner store, because it broke and drugs poured all over the cell floor. Amanatides tried to kick the pills under a bench, as if they would disappear under the only piece of furniture in the room, but it didn’t work. She has now been charged with five misdemeanors for criminal drug possession and one felony involving prison contraband.

It looks like Amanatides will be spending more than six months in jail now. And even though she won’t have her precious drugs to keep her company, I’m sure she can replace them once she’s behind bars.

Congratulations, Andrea, on being my dumbass of the week!

Dangerous Times in Mexico

Another lost beauty…

It’s no secret that drug-related violence in Mexico has been off the charts lately, and some of the killings have been so brutal that I dare not mention them here. Why glorify something so terrible?

Of course, some recent deaths of prominent Mexican women prevent me from ignoring this issue any longer.

This past weekend, a former beauty queen was killed in a fire fight between military troops and criminals in Mocorito. 20-year-old Maria Susana Flores Gamez was the 2012 Woman of Sinaloa, but may have been running with the wrong crowd. At the time of her death, she was with the criminals and for now, no one knows why. Authorities did seize drugs and weapons from the criminals’ vehicles, so it’s obvious Gamez may have been up to no good.

What a waste of a beautiful young woman.

Gorrostieta’s original bullet wounds

In an equally tragic development, the body of former mayor of Tiquicheo Maria Santos Gorrostieta was found last week. Her hands were bound behind her and the cause of death appeared to be blunt trauma to the back of her head.

Gorrostieta was a defiant mayor who fought against drug-related violence and apparently upset the cartels in her area. In 2009, assassins tried to kill her, but instead killed her husband. Their bullets finally found her in 2011, but somehow she still managed to survive. And when her term ended in 2011, Gorrostieta remarried and seemed to be moving on with her life.

Sadly, the cartel didn’t allow this to happen.

Earlier this month, they kidnapped Gorrostieta as she was driving her daughter to school. Her daughter cried endlessly as her mother was dragged away, and that was the last time she would see her alive.

Mexico used to be a great place to visit and in many ways, I’m sure it still is to some degree. However, I would think twice before travelling there because you never know where cartel-fueled violence will strike. And until Mexican authorities can get things under control, you may want to consider visiting New Mexico instead.

Irony for Romney

top10_apologies_romney

47% is Romney’s albatross (courtesy of CHARLES DHARAPAK / AP)

We all know that one of the reasons GOP candidate Mitt Romney lost the recent presidential election was his 47% comment to fat cat fundraisers, as reported by the magazine Mother Jones.

The video of his speech to wealthy donors included a comment where Romney basically accused 47% of Americans of being “victims” who expect the government to help because they “refuse to take personal responsibility and care for their lives.”

As if losing the election weren’t punishment enough, it now seems that Romney will receive one final slap in the face. According to the non-partisan Cook Political Report, it appears that Mitt will end up with roughly 47% of the popular vote, compared to 51% collected by President Obama.

You don’t have to be a numerologist to realize that 47% will likely haunt poor Romney for the rest of his life. If only he had remembered that in the age of technology and global connecti0ns, everything you say is liable to hit the Internet faster than a bullet train…

Psy Overtakes Bieber on YouTube

Gangnam_Style_PSY_08logo

Please “horse dance” your way out of pop culture (Photo credit: KOREA.NET – Official page of the Republic of Korea)

On its Trends blog this past Saturday, YouTube announced that Justin Bieber‘s hit music videoBaby” has just been overtaken by none other than South Korean rapper Psy’s “Gangnam Style.”

The video featuring the flamboyant rapper has been viewed more than 800 million times and receives roughly 10 million hits per day.

Is it me, or is this one of the dumbest videos/trends ever? The “horse dance” itself brings to mind the Macarena, which thankfully disappeared over time.

Here’s hoping “Gangnam Style” fades into obscurity even faster…

Don’t Steal from Wal-Mart!

English: Wal-Mart location in Moncton

Watch yourself in Wal-Mart, shoplifters (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Early Sunday morning, a man in Lithonia, Georgia, entered a Wal-Mart store and attempted to steal several DVD players. When he exited the store, three Wal-Mart employees followed him and an altercation took place.

By the time the police arrived, the shoplifter was being detained by the employees, who were basically sitting on top of him. When the officer went to handcuff the criminal, he noticed the man wasn’t moving and had blood coming from his nose and mouth.

Paramedics transported the shoplifter to a nearby hospital, where he was pronounced dead.

Although the cause of death is not yet known, police did say that one of the employees administered a choke hold on the man. And given that all three employees were lying on him when the police arrived, it stands to reason that the force was simply too much for him.

Wal-Mart has been in the news a lot lately for attempting to screw their employees out of health benefits, but I know one thing for sure: they better watch their backs and do right by their employees, or something like this could happen to them!

Choked by Roaches

Roach

Dinner is served (Photo credit: Are W)

Last month, I posted about 32-year-old Edward Archbold of Florida, who died after winning a roach-and-worm-eating contest during “Midnight Madness” at Ben Siegel Reptiles in Deerfield Beach.

Archbold and thirty other contestants were trying to win a free python valued at more than $800. And Archbold was successful, at least for a little while.

After pounding down endless roaches and worms and being the “life of the party,” according to the store’s owner, Archbold complained that he felt nauseous and started vomiting.

Imagine that. Feeling nauseous after eating cockroaches. Who would have guessed?

Sadly, things got worse for Archbold and he eventually collapsed before paramedics could reach him. He was pronounced dead at North Broward Medical Center shortly thereafter. The cause of death? Asphyxiation due to choking and aspirating on bug parts, which blocked his airway.

I’m not sure any story could be more disgusting than this one… and on so many different levels!

Thanksgiving 2012 Round-Up

Round em up, pardner!

I sincerely hope you all had a safe and enjoyable Thanksgiving. My own was very pleasant, and it saddens me to think that another year must pass before we can all enjoy it again. Therefore, in an effort to keep Thanksgiving 2012 alive, please enjoy this quick round-up of some of the year’s most interesting Turkey Day stories.

Cape Neddick, MaineA turkey that flew through a double-pane window and suffered wing and possible brain damage continues to recover in the Center for Wildlife’s ICU. I’m happy to report that his prognosis is good, he wasn’t eaten with stuffing and gravy, and he could be released into the wild soon. Of course with brain damage to contend with, I’m certain this poor gobbler will be on someone’s menu soon enough.

Casselberry, Florida: For the ninth consecutive year, Rachel’s gentlemen’s club has offered free Thanksgiving meals to anyone who wanted them. And this year, more than 400 people came out for the PG-rated family affair. Fortunately, someone caught the strippers before they accidentally stuffed the turkeys with dollar bills.

Sacramento, CaliforniaTommy Edwards is a 9-year-old with a heart of gold. When he was six, he and his mother started making lunches of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to deliver to the homeless on Thanksgiving. What began with 10-15 lunches has now grown to 250 served in downtown Sacramento by the “PB and J Brigade for the Homeless.” Thanks for showing us all the true meaning of this special day, Tommy!

The original Chiefs logo (courtesy of Sportslogos.net)

Kansas City, MissouriDexter McCluster is a wide receiver for the NFL’s Kansas City Chiefs who participates in the team’s annual delivery of Thanksgiving meals to low-income residents. In twenty years, the program has served more than 16,000 people. But this year, McCluster himself “got served” when Ms. Louise, a meal recipient, let him have it about the team’s 1-9 record.

“Y’all better start winning some games,” Ms. Louise told McCluster. “I’ve been praying, but y’all got to work a little harder.”

I wonder if she’d be willing to give my Steelers a call? They could certainly use a pep talk.

Happy belated Thanksgiving, everybody!

%d bloggers like this: