The New Immortals

Vampires stake their claim (property of Anton Brand)

Vampires have always fascinated me. And no, this fascination did not begin with Twilight. If anything, that horrible movie franchise only served to strengthen my love of bloodsuckers.

After all, if I can survive Kristen Stewart‘s terrible acting and vampires who suffer more from teen angst than blood lust, I can handle anything, right?

What I love most about vampires—or the idea of vampires, since we all know they don’t exist (we hope)—isn’t the ability to transform into mist, a bat or even a wolf. It isn’t even the dark, brooding coolness you obtain the moment you turn into the undead.

It’s the immortality. That’s what appeals to me the most.

I know what you’re thinking: Why would anyone want to live indefinitely? Doomed to pay taxes, endure stupidity and otherwise suffer through the banality of a life that never ends? And what’s more, why would anyone choose to live eternally only at night?

Surely there is more to see in the light of the sun than in the glow of the moon.

Yes, I believe there is, but it’s the experience that vampires gain along the way that attracts me to them. Think of all the things they see—even after sunset—that transform our world: new technology, historical events, natural disasters, even evolutionary shifts. Hundreds, maybe even thousands of years of human development, right there at your fingertips.

And every so often, an actual human beneath your hungry fangs, blood warm and salty sweet, as you steal their life to sustain your own cursed existence.

Do you really want immortality? (property of Chrysallis)

Sounds lovely, doesn’t it? Alas, it will never happen, but there are other ways to taste immortality. And these days, they don’t come from superstition or folk-lore; they come from science.

Among many science fiction geeks—including me—there is a dream… sort of a fantasy… about having your brain or at least your consciousness transferred to a robot, android or synthetic human. In this vessel, and free from the expiration date of human meat, you can live forever, at least theoretically.

Well, fellow geeks and science nerds, we are one step closer to realizing that dream. Check this out.

It all began in 1998 with a couple of neuroscientists—Matthew Botvinick of Princeton University and Jonathan Cohen of Cornell University—who developed an experiment known as the rubber hand illusion.

The researchers showed their subjects a rubber hand being stroked by a paintbrush. At the same time, they performed the same action on the subject’s hand, which was hidden from sight. After a while, the subjects began to think of the rubber hand as their own.

In other words, their brains were tricked into thinking that artificial body parts were their own bodies. See where I’m going with this?

You just wait.

Flash forward to present day and Mel Slater, a computer scientist at the University of Barcelona who decided to take the rubber hand illusion one huge step forward.

Slater and his team used virtual reality to determine if the human mind could be fooled into thinking a computer-generated body was its own. Subjects wore head-mounted displays that allowed them to look down at their virtual bodies. These bodies came in one of two varieties: either they looked similar to their real bodies or were gross distortions of them.

I could get used to this look (courtesy of REUTERS/Kim Kyung-Hoon)

Next, Slater introduced cooling devices and had his subjects place their hands on them. Using slight temperature changes—both real and virtual—he noticed something very interesting: subjects with more realistic “avatars” seemed to consider their virtual hands as their own—they experienced temperature changes in the virtual world that did not exist in reality.

What this means is that the real bodies and the virtual bodies of these subjects merged into a single perception. Their minds accepted the artificial vessels, and that’s what makes this so important in realizing “The Dream.”

I know we don’t have brain transplants and haven’t figured out how to upload someone’s consciousness to a computer or artificial being yet, but this new development at least shows that our minds could handle it. And that, my nerdy friends, brings us one step closer to immortality.

Techo-immortality, I suppose, but immortality nonetheless.

The Anti-Academy Awards

Twilight sweeps the Razzies (courtesy of Yahoo)

On Saturday, the worst films and cinematic performances of the year were “honored” in what can only be described as the anti-Academy Awards: the 33rd annual Golden Raspberry Awards.

Most people just call them the “Razzies.”

Originally conceived by American publicist John Wilson in 1981 and inspired by the comedic act of “blowing a raspberry,” the Razzies precede the Academy Awards and celebrate terrible films rather than great ones. It’s all in good fun and, in most cases, the people being honored are good sports, but that isn’t always the case.

After all, who wants to be known for dropping a bomb at the box office?

The sad fact is that for every awesome, chart-topping film and stellar acting or directing performance, there are dozens of others that stink up the screen and make the producers who “green lighted” them scratch their heads.

And this year was no exception.

At the top of the list of 2012’s worst films is the final installment of the hit teenybopper series Twilight. With seemingly endless nominations in multiple categories, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn–Part 2 more-or-less swept the Razzies. By the end of the night, the vampire love fest was named Worst Film and received awards for Worst Ensemble Cast, Worst Director (Bill Condon), Worst Supporting Actor (Taylor Lautner), Worst Actress (Kristen Stewart) and Worst Onscreen Couple.

Stewart actually split her Worst Actress honor among Twilight and another weak performance, Snow White and the Huntsman.

The coveted award (courtesy of Razzies.com)

“Acting should involve having an expression on your face, and she is blank” Razzies founder John Wilson said of the young actress. “Kristen Stewart is so expressionless she might as well be a brick wall.”

I couldn’t agree more, but at least she’s cute.

Other Razzies went to Rihanna (Worst Supporting Actress for Battleship) and Adam Sandler (Worst Actor for That’s My Boy), who is no stranger to the anti-award. His flop Jack and Jill was last year’s Twilight, sweeping the show with a total of ten Razzies.

In his acceptance speech, Sandler thanked his public school teachers for helping him reach his “dream of making movies that critics all over the planet despise with unreasonable fury but that you, the people, seem to enjoy.”

And that’s what the Razzies are all about: laughing at yourself and accepting that nobody’s perfect, even celebrities. We may place them on pedestals and worship them with the fervor of religious zealots, but at the end of the day, they’re just like you and me.

Only with a lot more money and fame.

Jodie Foster sticks up for Kristen Stewart

Jodie Foster sticks up for Kristen Stewart, blames ‘gladiator sport of celebrity culture’ | Movie Talk – Yahoo! Movies.

Talented and reclusive actress Jodie Foster has come out publicly in support of Kristen Stewart, the “Twilight” star currently in the headlines for her affair with a married man, her “Snow White and the Huntsman” director Rupert Sanders, as well as her breakup with co-star Robert Pattinson. Foster and Stewart co-starred in the 2002 film “Panic Room.”

Foster has been acting since the age of three and has some experience in dealing with the “gladiator sport of celebrity culture,” as she describes it.

Before I start ranting and raving, let me first say that I have a lot of respect for Jodie Foster and could honestly care less about who Kristen Stewart chooses to “bed down” with. That’s her business.

However, one thought popped into my head as I was reading this article: boo hoo.

I know being a celebrity isn’t easy and that people scrutinize your every move, but give me a small break. You choose to exist in the public eye and then feel intruded upon when you get the attention you so obviously crave?

Sure, celebrity has its disadvantages and we do live in a more media-driven world these days, but actors choose this profession. Unless their parents are like the ones you see on shows like “Toddlers and Tiaras,” the kind who exploit their kids for fame and fortune, then actors have a say. And they can always find another job in the “real world.”

Of course, I wonder how concerned these folks are once their million dollar paychecks arrive?

Wheres Robert Pattinson Twilight Star Hides Out After Kristen Stewart Cheating Scandal| E! Online

Kristen Stewart at Hollywood Life Magazine’s 7th Annual Breakthrough Awards English actor Robert Pattinson at the Twilight premiere. November 2008 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Wheres Robert Pattinson Twilight Star Hides Out After Kristen Stewart Cheating Scandal| E! Online.

Is it wrong for me to think that this story does not belong under the “Top Stories” on Google News?

I mean, I know that the “Twilight” series is popular, a fact I’m still trying to understand since I found the films I’ve seen rather mediocre, but wouldn’t this fit better under the entertainment category?

It says something about our society when our “top stories” include presidential campaigns, mass murder tragedies, Olympic events and a story about some Hollywood nitwit who cheated on her boyfriend.

Give me a small break, peeps…